Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

My awesome club

So I belong to a pretty exclusive club, open to white men aged 18 to 75. We’re called The Patriarchy, perhaps you’ve heard of us? Yeah, we get around.

Basically, our club is all about finding new and exciting ways to keep down women and minorities. And brother, let me tell ya, we’re doing a heck of a job.

Take black people, for instance. We’ve convinced black people that ‘speaking white’, which is otherwise known as ‘speaking grammatically correct English’, is something to be avoided at all costs. We instituted this program in the mid-70’s, and it is working like gangbusters. Now young black kids are growing up trying their best not to speak English correctly. The ingenious part of this program is that it prevents black people from receiving a proper education – because if you can’t speak the language, you can’t learn new material. Oooh, we of The Patriarchy are so sneaky.

But our absolute best program we instituted was feminism. Oh, what a triumph that was. First, we convinced women that staying home and taking care of children – what the women of our species have been doing for thousands of generations – we’ve convinced them that it was oppressive. Can you imagine?! I still can’t believe they fell for it! We told ’em that child rearing – something most women love to do – was oppressive, and the way out of this mess was to GET A JOB!! 

Ahh, my sides. Oh ho ho – a job, yeah, that’s less oppressive! Ha ha ha. Those broads ate that one up! My goodness.

Then, not only did we convince them that they all needed to work, we then convinced them that having sex with lots of men was liberating! Ah ha ha! What drivel. Before we instituted feminism, if a man wanted sex with a woman, he’d generally have to marry her. He couldn’t just fuck her and take off – he was stuck with her. We at the patriarchy took one look at that and said no thank you. So now, we’ve got women having sex with men on the first date! The first date! Sex without commitment has never been easier for a man. 

We certainly think of everything in our little club. If you’re a white male between the ages of 18-75, then you’re already a member. Why not join us at our next meeting? We meet every Tuesday. Check your local bank, they’ll have all the details.

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June 12, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

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