Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

From yesterday… the day with no internet

So my internet’s down, and I have to do my writing offline like a chump.

I will say, I am phenomenally productive when the internet is down. No checking my e-mail every few seconds – no getting lost on reddit for hours on end looking at stupid pictures. On the one hand, I’m happy my internet is down because I can get a lot of work done. On the other hand, I’m annoyed because there’s a world of information at my fingertips just waiting for me…. and I can’t get on! Gaugh!

Oh well…

I think I need to probably stop bringing an iPod to the gym. I make too many faces. What happens is I get to the gym, hop on the elliptical to warm up and then crank up the tunes. (I need to crank them up because otherwise I’m forced to listen to the garbage that Goodlife plays. What’s a great workout song, according to Goodlife? Taylor Swift. Ugh.)

Anyhoo, when I’m listening to music, I generally listen most to the drums (as I play the drums.) And out of habit, I’ll tap along to the rhythym with my fingers. But, if the song gets to an intense drum part, my finger tapping will reflect it, and I’ll be slamming my fingers down with force against the cardio machine. This, of course, makes me look like a lunatic – as no one else can hear my music, only me.

Along with finger banging, I also tend to make faces. Since I’m at the gym, my iPod is full of Metallica and Motorhead. All my songs are fast, loud and intense. Often during these songs there’s grunts or yells, and although I stop short of actually yelling, I certainly make a yelling face. (That is to say, I open my mouth and grimace as if I were going to yell… without actually yelling.) Naturally, for anyone watching, they’re seeing a sweaty, hairy man slamming his fingers against the machine and periodically grimacing like a maniac.

No wonder it’s so hard to pick up at the gym.


sigh, internet still down. I’m like Pavlov’s dog with my constant checking to see if it’s back up. Start doing something – less than 10 seconds later, “Is it up yet? I’d better check!”

I will say this about the gym. It is generally packed with hot women. In their little booty shorts or yoga pants… fuggehdabootit!

Then again, the free weights area is usually populated by men doing curls or tricep extensions. This sort of… greatly angers me! Mostly because, due to the fact that I had a kidney transplant 15 years ago, I’m on muscle-wasting steroids, which means not only can I not eat a shitload of protein everyday, but I also struggle to gain muscle mass. If I were to take a 2 week layoff from the gym, and progress I would have made in the gym up to that point is almost instantly wiped out.

So it’s super frustrating when I see curl-bros in the gym, curling in my squat rack. I have the feeling that my exercise program is superior, but of course, you wouldn’t know it to look at me. (There’s also the little matter of the steroids I take causing excess fat to all go to my belly. Wonderful.)

Well… I suppose I’m pretty jealous of super fit guys as well. I’m more angry about the fact that any twerp can come in off the street and right away out lift me. Frustrating.

At least I’ve got my proper rowing machine form going for me. That’s one thing I can lord over everyone else. And isn’t that why we all go to the gym in the first place?

Well, that and those hot hot girls in their yoga pants.


July 30, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

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