Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Comic Strips that need to Die

I live in Ottawa, and the newspaper I tend to read is the Ottawa Citizen. Like most newspapers nowadays, it’s pretty shitty. So I’ll read world news, sports and the comics.

The comic stips in the Citizen are, for the most part, godawful. Thus, the following is a list of comic strips that need to die a horrible, horrible death.

Tundra and Peanuts

Tundra and Peanuts

Tundra is abysmal. Poor artwork, horrible jokes, not funny. What’s today’s gag? A walrus wearing yoga pants? That’s not even a pun or anything! Terrible.

Peanuts should’ve died with Schultz. What, you’re rerunning 50+ year old comics? I’m sure that’ll resonate with today’s audiences. I get it, Charlie Brown is depressed. Kill this strip.

Other Coast and Chuckle Brothers

Other Coast and Chuckle Brothers

The Other Coast and Chuckle Brothers – 2 Far Side ripoffs with flat, flat, flat jokes. I wouldn’t mind Far Side reruns – it was a transcendental strip. But Gary Larson’s got integrity, so we’re left with this garbage. Also poorly drawn – burn ’em.

Rose is Rose and Garfield

Rose is Rose and Garfield

Rose is Rose is awful. It’s a cutesy strip about a cutesy family. Where’s the comedy? Oh, what’s that, Rose turns into a kid when she does kid stuff – blech.

Garfield. Ugh, Garfield stopped being funny 20 motherfucking years ago. Jon recently hooked up with Liz to try and give the strip some more legs, but it’s awful. Jon’s a loser, Garfield’s selfish and Liz barely tolerates Jon. I despise Garfield – is it even still a merchandising juggernaut, or is everyone else sick of it as well?

For Better or Worse

For Better or Worse

For Better or Worse – it’s running reruns because the husband of the cartoonist ran out on her. (I don’t blame him! I’d hate to married to such an unfunny harridan.) I don’t care that it’s Canadian or whatever, it’s terrible and needs to die. Do we really need reruns from the 80’s about family life? Come on! END IT!

Sally Forth and Hagar the Horrbile

Sally Forth and Hagar the Horrible

Sally Forth is also terrible. Big in the 80’s with the rise of working women – now it’s a smug testament to Sally’s unbearable life. Die.

Hagar is horrible.

Betty and Wizard of Id

Betty and Wizard of Id

Betty isn’t funny. Another comic strip about the tough life of homemakers? Fuck off with this shit. You’re not saying anything new or original. Awful.

Wizard of Id is just horrendous. Who is this supposed to appeal to? I haven’t seen a funny joke in Wizard of Id ever.

Hi and Lois

Hi and Lois

Hi and Lois is abhorrent. The “humour” comes from either puns, or the baby thinking the sunbeam is sentient. Christ does this shit ever suck.

Blondie

Blondie

Blondie is about a golddigger who marries some schlub who can’t take a bath in peace and who’s boss yells at him. This is 40 years past it’s prime. Take this puppy out back and drown it.

There are a few comics that are good: Zits, Shermans Lagoon, Pickles, Pooch Cafe come to mind. But no wonder the print medium is dying. The comics reflect a 40 year old mindset. We need all those old fucking editors to die and some fresh life breathed into the comic pages.

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August 16, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,

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