Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

6 Dale Carnegie tips on how to get people to like you.

Man, yesterday was rough. Rough I tells ya! I was sleepy all damn day, barely got anything accomplished. On top of that, I seem to have acquired “lifter’s elbow” – which basically means my left elbow has undergone some sort of inflammation, which means I’ll be forgoing lifting today. Bleah.

On the other hand, I did get a good sleep last night, so I got that going for me.

But what to write about today? Hmm..

Well, I’m currently reading, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, the granddaddy of goal setting and achieving. I haven’t finished the book yet, but each chapter is gold – “Gold, Jerry!” – so why don’t I write down some of the things I’ve already learned.

Here’s 6 ways to make people like you:

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other’s person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

A few notes then.

1) Become interested in other people. There’s a saying that goes something like, “Interested is interesting.” All of us are self-centered, we’re only interested in the things that we’re interested in. If you want people to like you, or if you want to be an interesting conversationalist, then you can start by talking about what the other person is interested in. Most people try and talk about what interests them – but that ain’t gonna win you any friends. Instead, if you talk about what others are interested in, they’ll be happy to talk with you, but more importantly, they’ll remember how much they enjoyed talking with you.

2) Smile. Well, this should almost be self-evident, but it isn’t. Everyone prefers to be around smiling, happy people. Smiles are infectious! Sure, it may not be “cool” to go around smiling all the time, because that’s not how James Dean did it – but let’s face it, none of us are brooding movie stars. If you want people to like you, then it’s easier to like a happy, positive person. And nothing conveys happiness and enthusiasm more than a great big smile.

3) Call people by their names. This is probably more important for business folk, but still applicable to everyone. If you want to piss someone off, then forget their name after you’ve met them 2 or 3 times. But remembering someone’s name has a great effect, especially if they’ve forgotten yours. This especially works well with waiters and other types of service people. If a waiter brings you a meal, and you say, “Thanks Todd!” or whatever his name is, he’ll be more likely to give you better service.

4) Be a good listener. This one is tough, but totally worth it. Often people just listen to others and then respond with their own story. If you can listen, and not just respond with, “When *I* did such and such…” or “That’s like when *I* did blah de blah…”, then people will again think you’re an amazing conversationalist. People are more likely to respect you if you’ve shown that you can listen to them. The easiest way to remember this is by thinking ahead to your response. If your response contains the word “I” in it, then you’re operating from your frame of reference. Listen to what the person is saying and encourage them to expand on their point. Trust me, you’ll get to talk about yourself soon enough…

5) Talk about what the other person is interested in. This is just a way of approaching point (1) when you’re talking. Don’t talk about whatever it is you like, talk about what the other person likes.

6) Make the other person feel important. We all want to feel important. If you’re a big boss, then this tip is directed at you. Don’t take your employees for granted, they may just up and quit if they don’t feel they’re being respected. Take the time to show you appreciate whatever job it is they do. Also helpful for dealing with waiters, other wait staff and spouses.

So there you have it, 6 helpful tips on how to get people to like you. Notice how each and every tip is focusing on the other person. That’s because we’re all essentially self-interested. So if you can share in someone else’s self-interest, they’re more likely to look upon you with favour.


November 19, 2013 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. […] this to meet whom you want to meet. And if you’re already in a relationship, then use the Dale Carnegie tips to improve your […]

    Pingback by Start Your New Years Resolutions Today! « Milk and Cigarettes | November 20, 2013 | Reply

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