Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

More Tolkien nerdery

I dunno what it is about WordPress, but when I was typing up my post for Goals with Greg this morning, there was an interminable delay during typing. It was like, I’d be typing, and then the cursor would be like, “Oh crap, did I leave the stove on? Ok, you keep writing, I’ll be back in 10 seconds.” Ugh, it was awful. I’d be typing, then the cursor would leave and so I’d be typing blind, and generally I’m a good typer, but if I made a mistake, I’d have to wait for the cursor to come back… Ugh, terrible.

Anyhoo, it’s bright and early in the morning and here I am writing! (Not another milk sucking story, I hope!)

The new series of Sherlock has begun! Huzzah! I watched the first two episodes recently, and they were both pretty awesome. Although, I need to listen to them with the volume really loud, because Benedict Cumberbatch tends to mumble (or is a low-talker) when he’s playing Sherlock. Also he talks super fast in a British accent… so indeed I need to watch each episode more than once in order to fully understand what the hell’s going on.

Anyhoo, I’ve been reading “The Hobbit” because the movies are taking forever to get to the goddamn point, and after reading about half the book, I’m convinced that most of the action in the movies is ripped off from “The Silmarillion” or something similar, or just plain made up!

For example, in the latest Hobbit movie, Bilbo and the Dwarves have been captured by elves and need to make a daring escape. So they pack themselves into barrels and escape through a drainage door, so that they will float down a river in the barrels. 

In the movie, when this happens, Bilbo and company are being chased by a pack of orcs. This is totally made up! There’s nothing like this in the book. Moreover, in “The Hobbit”, there’s no mention of The Arkenstone, or whatever characters Orlando Bloom and Liv Tyler are supposed to play. At its heart, “The Hobbit” is a kids book – and so characters and nagging plot points aren’t really developed to the extent that they are in “Lord of the Rings.”

Well, I ‘unno if I should necessarily say that, since I’ve never read “Lord of the Rings.” Oh, I’ve tried reading it 3 or 4 times. But by the time Frodo and the others get on the road, 70 pages in or so, they don’t get on with action at all. They meander… they dilly… they dally. First, they’ve got to sing 8 or 9 songs about their adventure and how they’re missing 2nd breakfast. Then they’ve got to visit Tom Bombadil’s house, and learn all about the forest and the importance of a healthy ecosystem. Or something. I’ve never gotten past Tom Bombadil’s house… The story is dragging by that point, and then once they’re in Tom’s tree talking about nature and the woods I’m like, fuck it. Get to the goddamn point, Tolkien.

Oh well, I’ll finish “The Hobbit” probably tonight or tomorrow. This week for sure. What’s left in the book? Where I am, Bilbo and the short ones have made it to Lake-Town and now have to go to the mountain, kill Smaug and then make their way back to The Shire.

As an aside, the cover of my book has a major giant spoiler on the front! This is what my cover looks like: 


See how it says, “Death of Smaug” on the cover!? In retrospect, that’s a horrible choice for a cover. The Death of Smaug is supposed to be, y’know, the climax of the book. But here it is, splayed across the front cover, for everyone to read before reading the goddamn book. That’s like having the front cover of Ender’s Game saying, “It was a real fight the whole time.” Or the front cover of Fight Club saying, “Tyler Durden is the narrator.” I’d like to think that someone got fired for that blunder. *nerd snort*

Anyhoo, even though I’m not a Tolkien nerd, this post would do nothing to dispel that notion



January 7, 2014 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. I value your opinion, but I don’t think you are giving the due respect to Tolkien himself. With all due respect, though, I need to say that with a very limited knowledge of the author’s works, you are drawing huge conclusions 🙂 Also, the literary works are one thing, then the movies are only artistic interpretations of them, not the books themselves. For one, I don’t expect the movies to be 100% consistent with the book in order to be able to appreciate them. (p.s. The Arkenstone is mentioned in the book.)

    Comment by remszi | January 8, 2014 | Reply

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