Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A ramble about peanut butter, food of the Gods.

Let me tell you about the most perfect food ever created. It’s called peanut butter. Maybe you’ve heard of it? 

Man, PB is the greatest food there is, bar none. If you have a deadly peanut allergy, you should kill yourself by eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You may die, but what a way to go!

PB goes with just about friggin everything. For breakfast? Have PB on toast, put eggs on the toast, delicious. But PB doesn’t go well with just bread and eggs – have you ever had a bacon and PB sandwich!? Crap is that ever good. PB goes super well with salty, fatty meat – I haven’t tried it with chicken or turkey, but I’m willing to bet that it’d probably taste fantastic.

Here’s a great sandwich: toast yerself up some bread, add PB, bacon and a fried egg. Holy Hannah is that a mouthgasm and a half! If you had a big enough pan, you could toast the bread in butter (grilled cheese style) and lop on some PB right at the end, so the hot bread melts the PB. Nom nom nom nom! I’m hungry!

But PB doesn’t stop there, PB can jazz up your top Ramen. The Thai’s call it “Satay” sauce, I call it delicious. Next time you’re making Ramen (or spaghetti noodles, or whatever pasta) throw in a tablespoon or two of PB. The hot water will melt the PB, and it’ll thicken the broth and coat the noodles. Wooo! Goddamn that’s a tasty Ramen.

I think I also made PB rice at one point. Works best with minute rice. Once the rice is cooked, huck in a big scoop of PB. From bland to candy! 

Yyyyyeah, that’ll do about peanut butter, I think.

Or will it?! Did I mention that you can PB up any dessert to make it better? Got a couple chocolate chip cookies? Put some PB on one and make a double chocolate chip PB cookie sandwich! Mouth-watering and hella fattening. Delicious! Got a Kit Kat or other bar-based confectionary? Spread a little PB on it and watch your taste buds cry out in ecstatic voices! (The PB-ing up any dessert principle can also be applied to whipped cream.)

Seriously, you know what the best restaurant dessert is? It’s the Montana’s Mile High Mud Pie! 


Look at all that deliciousness! From the bottom upwards, we start with Oreo cookie crumb crust, followed by chocolate pie filling, then a huge chunk of frozen peanut butter, some mocha ice cream, a thick layer of chocolate icing, and topped with whipped cream and chocolate sauce! It’s gotta be 3000 calories at least. And it is, BY FAR, the greatest dessert money can buy.

I’m always a little sad when I go out to Montana’s with friends or family, because inevitably I’ll get a mile high mud pie for dessert, but the waitress will bring more than one spoon. I am inherently dessert greedy, and I take it as a personal affront when someone wants a bite of my mile high mud pie. 

The only other dessert that comes close exists in my memory – when I was about 10, I went on a road trip with my dad to Toronto. We ate dinner one night at a place called, “Pete and Marty’s” or something along those lines. I had never heard of it before, and I haven’t seen one since. So I had a burger for dinner or whatever, but then when I ordered an ice cream sundae for dessert, they brought out the greatest ice cream sundae I have ever seen. I remember the sundae dish being about 2 feet high, layered with ice cream and super hot chocolate sauce, and whipped cream spilling over the side…

So yeah – that’s what I’m thinking about today. I’m a little hungry.



February 4, 2014 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

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