Matt Cooke needs a crowbar to the shins.

Welp, not every post gets to be a GoT recap, I fear. Prepare your sphincters, it’s Tuesday morning let down!

And what a let down today is – it’s raining out, there were workers here all morning banging away and being disruptive, and Matt Cooke is still an NHL player.

Christ, what’s it gonna take before this asshole gets suspended? Look at this blatant knee-on-knee collision from last night’s game:

He only got 2 minutes on the play!! 2 minutes for kneeing – even though a kneeing penalty can be as high as a “5 and a game”. So he’s got an in-person hearing with the NHL discipline board tomorrow, which means they have the opportunity to give him more than a 5 game suspension.

If I’m the league, I’m going to

1. Suspend him for the rest of the playoffs.
2. Suspend him for a large number of regular season games next season.

On the CBC, they were calling for a 41 game suspension for next season, but I’d go further. I’d give him a full 82-game suspension – maybe even 100 game suspension, something ridiculous.

Here’s a quote from the CBC:

This is a guy who targeted Mats Sundin’s knee, targeted Milan’s Hejduk’s knee, took out Eric Cole’s knee, damaged Erik Karlsson’s knee, seriously injured Vinny Lecvalier’s knee, nailed Matthew Lombardi in the head, smoked Ryan McDonagh in the head and, perhaps worst of all, drilled Marc Savard in the head on a blind-side hit that led to the Boston Bruins centre retiring prematurely.

Seriously, the guy’s a fucking menace. Considering his past history, he’s lost all benefit of the doubt here. His previous “3 years clean” record can be forgotten. What we have is a repeated history of dirty hit after dirty hit. Throw the fuckin’ book at him.

I would be very happy if they just banned him from the league, fined him $1,000,000 and kicked him in the balls a couple times. Hanging’s too good for him.

This is a pretty big blow for the Avalanche. Tyson Barrie (2 assists, +2 in 3 games played) is (as I understand) a big piece for the defense of Colorado. The guy’s only in his 2nd season and put up almost 40 pts in the regular season. That’s a non-trivial number of points! Now with his injury (plus Benoit with a possible concussion), the Avs. are looking a little shaky on the blue-line.

To be fair, I haven’t followed the West at all, so I don’t know what their depth is like. But just going off what the talking heads are saying on tv, this is a major blow for the Avs.

When evil lurks in the heart of men, the weak throw up their hands and prey that ‘karma’ will eventually sort everything out. Well, I don’t believe karma works efficiently enough, for my liking. If I lived in the States and were just a wee bit more unhinged, I might decide myself to be an “agent of karma”, and then bash Matt Cooke’s knees in with a bat. 

Actually, now that I think of it, isn’t declaring yourself an “agent of karma” merely a great way to take advantage of those naive optimists who believe in karma in the first place. I tell ya, Batman might not be big in India – but an Indian Batman who declares himself an “agent of karma” and goes around fighting criminals, that’d sell like hotcakes.

Just need a name… Lesseee…. Indian super-hero name… The Calcutta Kid? The Delhi Destroyer? The Battering Bangalore?

Well… that’ll be one to think of for tomorrow. 

In closing, fuck Matt Cooke in his stupid face.

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