Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

The Brawl at the Wall – GoT Recap – Spoilers all over

Oh man, what an episode of Game of Thrones! As you’ll recall, yesterday I made a bunch of predictions about what would happen. First, let’s look at all the things I got right; there was a battle at the wall, Jerk Commander (AKA: Lord Alistair) dies and Jon Snow becomes the leader, and the maester reveals he was Aemon Targaryen in a previous life.

And that about does it for accurate predictions. Everything else I said didn’t happen at all – mostly because the whole episode took place at the wall.

So what happened?

Well, Jon Snow and Sam are atop the wall, on lookout. Sam awkwardly brings up the fact that Jon Snow was in love with Ygritte, and that Sam probably feels the same way about Gilly.

Star wipe to: the wildlings, where Ygritte proclaims loudly for anyone to hear that “Jon Sneeew is mine!” – and that she’ll kill anyone who tries to kill Jon Snow before she can kill him. (Got it?)

Smash cut to: Gilly sneaking away from the wildlings. She shows up at Castle Black and Sam takes her in. They have a tearful reunion, whereby Sam proclaims, “From now on, wherever you go, I go too.” Well, that’s a noble sentiment and all, Sam, but you do have this whole “Night’s Watch” thing to do.

Because just as Sam’s telling Gilly that he’s gonna be her man, the alarm sounds. Mance Rayder is attacking and it’s fucking on!


Here come the wildlings!

The Wall comes to life, and there’s hustle and bustle atop the wall as the men of the Night’s Watch prepare for battle. Jon Snow and Jerk Commander have an awkward conversation – but agree to put their differences behind them in order to kill all the wildlings and save the wall.

Uh... I'm gonna take my break now.

Uh… I’m gonna take my break now.

(Aside: Wow – that’s a lot darker than it looks on my screen.)

While all this is going on, Sam hides Gilly in a store room and tells her to stay there. Gilly gives him grief and whines at him. “You said we’d stay together forever.” Out of nowhere, Sam grows a pair, tells her to sit tight while he goes and fights the bad guys that are trying to kill all of us. And then this happens:

And everyone watching goes, "ooooooh!"

And everyone watching goes, “ooooooh!”

Then, for the rest of the episode, Sam’s badassery is second only to Jon Snow. Finally, I can stop hating Sam and his moaning ways.

Meanwhile, we soon learn that the band of wildlings that has been terrorizing the small villages south of the wall (which contain Ygritte and Tormund Giantsbane) will attack the gates of Castle Black. (In an brilliant pincers movement.) Sir Alistair goes down to fight them off. After a bit of kerfuffling, Jon Snow takes control atop the wall.

Which is a good thing, as giants and woolly mammoths are attacking the wall!

Then all hell starts to break loose. Tormund Giantsbane gets inside Castle Black and starts murdering just about everyone. Sam’s running around, keeping up Pip’s spirits and shooting cannibals in the face. Ygritte is shooting a bunch of people with arrows and effortlessly looking hot as a redhead.



Shit starts to get even more out of control. Two giants and their wooly mammoth start attacking the gate to the wall. Jon Snow dumps a bunch of flaming oil on them, and kills the mammoth, but a giant manages to get through the gate. Jon Snow sends down a few men with the instruction, “Hold the gate!”

Ok lads, we hold the gate no matter what comes at us!!!

Ok lads, we hold the gate no matter what comes at us!!!

I'm a giant and I'll rip your heart out!

I’m a giant and I’ll rip your heart out!

Ohhhh shit.

Ohhhh shit.

Anyhoo, Castle Black is about to be overrun by wildlings, so Jon Snow goes down to help fight. (He rips shit up with his fancy sword.)

Finally, Ygritte and Jon Snow meet. Ygritte has an arrow pointed at Jon Snow’s heart, but can’t bring herself to shoot. Just as Jon Snow is about to say something to her, Ygritte gets show.

So there’s a big thing I totally forgot, Ygritte fucking dies!!!

Goodbye hotness.

Goodbye hotness.

After that, not much happens. The sun rises, Tormund Giantsbane gets taken prisoner, and at a heavy cost, the men of the Night’s Watch win the battle.

Then, to end the episode, Jon Snow goes out beyond the wall, unarmed, to find Mance Rayder. (I don’t remember this happening in the books, so maybe Stannis doesn’t come rescue the wall at all?)

This was a brief synopsis, but DAMN, what an episode. If you like long, bloody battles, then this is the episode to watch.



June 10, 2014 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , ,

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