Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Rambleicious: Apple’s Kid

Well, it’s Monday, so it’s the end of slackation for another few days. I tell ya, I don’t know why, but writing seems like a chore after a bit. I ‘unno, maybe ’cause the blog is so free form that I just splay words onto screen as I think of them and it doesn’t really seem like writing. 

Well, whatevs – let’s just keep at ‘er.

So… what’s going on? What’s new? What’s the haps?

Well, I can always talk about me? What’s new with me? Not much – just chillin like a villain. Spending my summer takin’ it easy, working a little every day on my paper. Workout every weekday, read every day… Yeah, just relaxin’ and living life.

I saw my buddy Apple over the weekend. He’s just had a new kid – and this new kid is tiny, like 20lbs or so – he was born about a month ago, so he’s still got that new-baby smell.

Now, my buddy Apple has two kids: Jackson and Matthew. (Matthew’s the newborn.) Since I am known as “Cinnamon”, it is my job to come up with Apple-related puns for Apple’s kids. Jackson, I’m happy to say, will forever be known as AppleJacks. Now that is a damn clever Apple-related pun! It’s got brand recognition right off the bat, and rolls off the tongue nicely.

AppleJacks! Brilliant!

But now I need an Apple-related pun for Matthew. For the time being, I’m calling him “Matty Apples” – which, he’ll have to grow into, as that will be his Frat name. I need some clever way to combine the words “Matt” and Apple together. (And I can’t use Mapple ’cause they did that on Futurama.)

A mutual friend of Apple and Cinnamon suggested I call him Matt-cintosh – which is darned clever, but *I* didn’t come up with it, so it’s unusable. I ‘unno, maybe I’ll just stick with Mapple.

I’m picturing when the kids are a bit older – say 4 and 6, right around that age where they’re no longer blowing snot bubbles all the time, but are far away from being snotty, sarcastic, know-it-all kids. And then Uncle Cinnamon will come by – and when I get to the door, I can scream, “AppleJacks!” when I see Jackson… but what to scream when I see Matthew? 

Let’s brainstorm!

  • Matty Apples
  • Mapple
  • Matt-cintosh
  • Google Maps
  • Applew
  • Golden Mattlicious. (If I use this, then I’ll definitely be known as “Dirty Uncle Cinnamon”)
  • Mapple Sauce

What I should do is look up all the cereal names containing the word “Apple” and try and shoe-horn in a Matt in there somewhere. Or it can be something that rhymes with Matt: like… uh, cat? Cat-Apple? That’s not a thing.

Alas, a search for a better nickname continues. 

Also, I think Apple and his wife should have a little girl, and then I can call her Appletini! 

Now that I think about it, there are shockingly few combinations of words that sound good with Apple in front of it. If only Apple had named his kid “Crumble” or “Pie” like I wanted. But nooo…

What else? In videogame news, EA NHL has released a physics video. (Featuring all-new 12-player collision detection!) Check it out!

Also, I’m still working on the GoT episode reviews, but holy-shnikes is that taking a long time. I need a more efficient way to do it than I have been. The way I’m doing it now is taking a snapshot on VLC every time something important happens, and then writing a little blurb. But I’m barely halfway into the episode and I’ve already got 100+ pictures! The episode reviews will get done, but it’ll take time… A whole lotta spending time… It’s gonna take plenty of tiiime. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it riiiiight!

Enjoy having that earworm in your head for the rest of the day!

July 21, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Today’s Ramble: Cheney is a scumfuck, Utopia is awesome!

I was at the gym this morning, blasting “Dopesmoker” by Sleep to drown out the awful, awful music they play at the gym. On one of the tv’s, I happened to spy the banner headline, “Cheney Blames Obama for Iraq.”

Really? REALLY!? Cheney – the asshole who orchestrated 9/11, committed war crimes, falsified intelligence that led the US into Iraq in the first place (also he shot a guy in the face) is trying to tell me that Iraq is Obama’s fault?!

What a chickenhawk, lying, evil piece of shit. The Bush administration squandered the Clinton surplus, led the US into two unwinnable wars, bankrupted the economy, committed torture in direct violation of the Geneva conventions. I mean, the list goes on and on. America (and by proxy, the West) is on the fast track to being the next dead empire. I mean, sure, Obama is just another scumbag politician, but to blame him for Iraq? That takes some serious cohones Cheney.

You know what else takes serious cohones? Leaving the continental United States and risking arrest for war crimes. Enjoy your 48 states of freedom, asshole.

Anyhoo – moving on. The 2nd episode of season 2 of Utopia aired last night. And it was pretty awesome. (Not as awesome as the first episode, I would argue.) We get to catch up with the gang from the first season to see what they’re up to:

  • Jessica Hyde is being held captive in some secret government prison somewhere, overseen by Milner. We learn she’s been severely tortured, in order for Milner to learn exactly what changes were made to Janus. (Something Carville kept muttering before Kristos busted him out.)
  • Ian and Grant are living together, unhappily. Grant is stuck at home because everyone he knows thinks he’s dead – Ian is stuck at work, unable to cope with the boring reality after having such a great adventure.
  • Michael (the politician) has been appointed CEO of Corvadt. It turns out that Corvadt went bankrupt, but they’re the sole manufacturers of the Russian Flu Vaccine (AKA: the Janus transmission vehicle), so the government bailed them out, and now owns Corvadt.
  • Becky is on the run with Donaldson (the creepy scientist), who ropes her into one more job in exchange for a year of Thoraxin (the medicine that keeps the Deals syndrome at bay.)
  • Piedre/RB is a blue-collar stiff, living with a girl and her daughter. He’s subsequently visited by Lee (the guy Wilson Wilson shot in the bunker in the very first episode) and tempted to come back to work for Milner.
  • Wilson Wilson works for Milner now. We didn’t see much of him as he adjusts to his new role.

Anyhoo, after some twists and turns, Ian, Grant and Becky all end up together, but are on the run from Milner (what else is new.) They’re joined by Piedre, Donaldson, and this new mysterious old guy, who appears to be some sort of genius, but doesn’t speak English. Jessica is still trapped in the government prison, but she managed to gain the upper hand over her torturer, and that scene was still going on at the end of the show.

Man, it Utopia ever a great show! I don’t think I’ve ever said this about any show or movie before, but the cinematography is amazing! And atmospheric, whew – the show’s background music is always dissonant strings or high-pitched squeals, which keep you on edge throughout the episode. Plus, the whole story is about this crazy-big global conspiracy to sterilize 90% of the world’s population. How could you not love a show like that?

Unfortunately, because it’s a British show, there’s only going to be 6 episodes a season. That means only a month left of new Utopia Season 2. Enjoy it while you can!

July 16, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A ramble: feelings follow actions; Utopia Season 2

Man it’s amazing how easy it is to forget how awesome working out is.

For example, today I was hemming and hawing before my workout – I didn’t really want to work out and I was giving myself a bunch of excuses as to why I didn’t need to. “I worked out yesterday! I’m sticking to my caloric ceiling! I’ll work out tomorrow!” – All the usual crap.

Regardless, I gritted my teeth and went downstairs to do my workout. Then, about 12 minutes into my treadmill I realized, “Wow! I feel great!” And even though I didn’t want to work out, as soon as I started working out, I didn’t mind it at all. (I did a 30 min treader and a barbell circuit.)

This sort of realization happens basically every time I go to work out – in fact, any time I go to do something I don’t really want to do but know I have to do anyway. And it all comes back to a saying I used to have, “Feelings follow your actions.” When it comes to goals, take action. It doesn’t matter if you’re feeling shitty or ambivalent about what you have to do. If you just take that initial action to get started, your feelings will catch up with you, and ultimately you won’t mind doing what it is you need to do.

Well, not always. There is a limit to the human body, and at times you’ll feel exhausted, etc… But it’s always the mind that gives up before the body – and you can always do more than you think you can, even under trying conditions.

Anyhoo – enough about goals, let’s talk about the real exciting things that are going on, namely, the season premiere of Utopia!

The first episode of Season 2 premiered last night, and it was a doozy. It was a flashback to the 1970’s, when Carville (the scientist from the first season who actually wrote the graphic novel Utopia) first met up with Milner to develop Janus. Over the course of the episode, we’re told the story of Philip Carville – a brilliant scientist who is seething with cynicism about the state of the world. He just happens to run into Milner (played by the foxy Rose Leslie, grrrrrrowl!) who’s sympathetic to his views – particularly about world depopulation. They agree to work together –  and Carville starts working towards creating Janus.

However, his family life is falling apart (namely ’cause Carville is a bit of a nutso.) Carville has a son with his foreign bride named Piedre – but Piedre seems damaged, and he hardly reacts to stimuli at all. Later, we learn that Carville has been testing chemicals on Piedre, and has turned him into something of a monster.

Additionally, Carville has a daughter named Jessica – but his foreign bride dies in childbirth. This is right around the time Carville starts going crazy.

Milner and her associates start putting the screws to Carville in order to get Janus. The way they wield the story is pretty neat – intertwining real life assassinations with the flashback story.

Eventually, before Carville is severely tortured to give up Janus – he’s busted out by Kristos, and he, Carville and Jessica manage to escape. Sadly, as they’re escaping, Carville spies Piedre walking after them – but to no avail, as he’s abandoned to Milner.

That’s right about where the episode ended last night – oh right, except I should mention that Carville is in an institution, and he’s drawing Utopia.

I’m stoked, because as part of the Season 2 fanfare, Channel 4 is airing another episode of Utopia again tonight! It’s episode 2, Season 2 – the very next day!! Wowzers!!

Anyhoo, that’s what I’ll be doing tonight – after I’m done teaching my class. (Man, it’s like these arts students have no interest in theoretical mathematics whatsoever!)

 

July 15, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Return of the 15 minute rambles: today, nerdy stuff.

Well I’m back from slackation – gonna go back to writing for 15 minutes at a time, then doing another 15 minutes of GoT stuff behind the scenes. I ‘unno if 30 minutes is too ambitious, but I think just sticking to 15 minutes from now on is a good enough chunk.

Anyhoo, so what have I been doing on my slackation? The usual; smoking weed and doing math. Watching tv and playing video games. 

Speaking of TV – Utopia season 2 premieres tonight. I have an earlier post about how great Utopia was. I’m super-stoked for season 2 and a whole new series of mind-busting super-conspiracy fun!

I’ll try and describe the plot to the first season of Utopia as I remember it: The whole story was centered around this comic book called Utopia – it’s this underground novel, and there’s an online forum devoted to it, so 4 friends from the online forum decide to meet up at a pub, because one of the online guys has access to the pre-print of Utopia 2. But he gets killed because apparently, Utopia 2 contains a secret message about the secret nefarious plans of a shadowy organization bent on eliminating 90% of the world’s population. So our heroes manage to avoid being murdered by this shadowy organization, and they meet up with this broad from MI6 who looks to be friendly. 

Yeah – there’s no way I can do justice to the crazy plot of Utopia 1. I should really sit down and make some notes about it, because it’s balls-out madness, plot wise. I hope to eventually start doing snarky reviews on the regular, so hopefully Utopia will make it’s way into the rotation.

Anyhoo – enough tv, onto video games! The one game I use my console for will be released for Xbone & PS4 on September 9th. That game is, of course, NHL 15.

Sadly, I will have to buy either a PS4 or an Xbone in order to play NHL15. They will release NHL15 for the Xbox360, but due to its inferior machinery, it wont be able to take advantage of any of the new developments made to the NHL game – like all new 12-player collision engine!!! 

I play NHL15 almost every day, and usually multiple times a day. The modes I play are either Live the Life (Be-a-pro) when I’m by myself, or I’m playing against my brother Mr. Peteseys. It’s a running gag between Mr. Peteseys and I as to who won the most recent game of NHL 14. Luckily, since I’m the one with the game, I usually win.

In other video game news – humble bundle recently had a phenomenal sale, wherein for $20 I picked up: Bioshock Infinite, X-COM and a bunch of other games that are good too! But Bioshock Infinite (which has won many “game of the year” awards last year) and X-COM (a turn-based strategy game with squad dynamics) are unbelievable games – both of which are probably being sold around $40-50 each! This was a hell of a sale – and I’m currently playing the hell out of both games.

Bioshock Infinite is gorgeous – I’ve managed to figure out how to work ShadowPlay, so I’m recording this for a Let’s Play series in 1080p/60fps true hd. I’m pretty stoked about that – the game is beyond gorgeous, it’s amazing! It’s one of those games where you just want to laze around and stare at the scenery.

And that’s 15 minutes! See, that wasn’t so bad!

July 14, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

On second thought..

As it happens, these recaps take a looong time to do. So instead, I’m gonna go back to my regular 15-min writing schedule – and do another 15 behind the scenes on the GoT posts. Then I’ll post a new one every Friday or so… In this way, I’ll keep up with my writing, and get a much more thoughtful GoT post out.

That being said, I’ll probably re-do episode 1 and start stashing them on another blog somewhere. I’ll do all this over the weekend – so come Monday I’m back to regularly scheduled rambles.

July 10, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Game Of Thrones: Season 1 Episode 1 – Episode Recap.

We cold open to…

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3 badass looking dudes from the Night’s Watch. (Of course, we don’t know they’re part of the Night’s Watch yet, so they’re just 3 badass looking dudes.) This is a great way to open the epicest epics to ever epic – we’re drawn immediately into a world of mystery. Who are these guys? Why are they walking through this big-ass tunnel? Why are they so dour looking?

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Dour is right. They sure don’t look like a happy bunch.

Anyhoo, they go North of the wall and start poking around. That bug-eyed looking fellow manages to stumble upon a camp full of slaughtered wildlings.

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Correction: Brutally slaughtered!

He freaks out and runs back to tell beard-o and the caesar haircut guy. We widen to reveal…

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One hell of a massacre.

So bug-eye goes and tells his friends and brings them back to the site of the slaughter. Only, when he gets back, all the bodies are missing. Then, we hear ominous noises around our 3 intrepid heroes and some spooky music kicks up its volume.

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Ah! Midwich cuckoos!

All of a sudden, our heroes are being stalked by White Walkers! Bug-eye and beard-o run for their lives while caesar-haircut, being the snobbiest of them all, throwing out such sentences as, “What, are you afraid of the dead?” gets summarily executed by the White Walkers.

Meanwhile, bug-eye and beard-o, after running for quite awhile, stop for breath. Surely they’ve outrun these White Walkers?

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Nope.

Boom! Kick it to the 1:30 long intro.

We open somewhere in the North, where that bug-eyed fella is chased down by men on horses. (We soon learn these are Ned Stark’s bannermen.)

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The fate of this fellow remains to be seen.

Anyhoo, we don’t care about him – because it’s star-wipe to one of those, “Happy Bustling Laughing Family” type of intros. You know the ones, all the kids are playing and getting along and the parents are laughing. It happens in absolutely every movie that contains a family.

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Here we see the Stark boys, enjoying a traditionally manly activity. (Even Rickon is in the background.)

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Sansa, being praised for her traditionally female skills.

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Arya, not so much…

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Ned and Catelyn, looking proudly down upon their brood. Oh, isn’t life just perfect Ned? I hope nothing ever changes and we live here in Winterfell safe forever.

After the establishing shots, Ned and Catelyn get the news that his men have captured a deserter: bug-eye. Of course, the punishment for desertion in the Night’s Watch is death.

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What was that you were saying, Cat?

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M’Lord, even though I have this ridiculous haircut, no one saw fit to give me a name in this first episode. Also, Theon is with me.

It falls to Ned, as the Warden of the North, to carry out the execution of the deserted. Just before he’s about to be put onto the block, Bug-eye says something like, “I know I deserted my post, but fuck me if I’m going to deal with White Walkers.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

Though Ned is sympathetic about being terrorized by fictional monsters, he still has a job to do.

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Hi-

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YAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

As Ned and his boys go back to Winterfell, they happen upon a dead DireWolf, who just happens to have a bunch of puppies. As it happens, there’s one DireWolf for each Stark child, so Ned sees it as an omen and spares the lives of the wolves. Even Jon Snow gets one.

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He seems so pumped!

This being the first episode, we’ve got a lot of characters to introduce ourselves to, and a story to get started. So we’ve met all the Starks, learned about the Night’s Watch, now it’s time to get this feudal intrigue a-rollin’.

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Note the throne in the background.

In King’s Landing, we learn that Jon Arryn, the previous King of the Hand, is dead. The current King, Robert Baratheon, is marching North to visit Winterfell.

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Catelyn, don’t interrupt me while I’m stroking my sword.

We learn that Catelyn is anxious about the King’s visit – as the King and Ned are old friends, and she’s sure the King will take Ned back with him. However, it is a royal visit, so all the Stark children need to be cleaned up. Great excuse for all our handsome leads to take their shirts off.

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And a lil’ something for the ladies…

In a clever bit of foreshadowing (or not so clever, depending on who you ask), Brann climbs up the castle walls to see the King and his retinue in the distance. As he’s climbing down, he’s caught by his mom, who says, 

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I don’t ever want to see you climbing again!

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Ok, I’ll climb maybe one more time and that’s it.

Finally, the King rides in with all the pomp and circumstance he can muster. We get a cool shot of the Hound in full armour.

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I don’t think he ever wears that cool helmet ever again.

We finally get to meet the King, Robert Baratheon, who basically looks like a bearded, British, John Goodman.

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We get a glimpse of some of the other Lannisters as well:

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Only moments later will we all start to hate that little kid with everything we’ve got.

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I don’t remember Tyrion being so blonde.

These introductory stories are brief, as we’re still establishing how Robert and Ned know each other. In fact, Robert invites Ned to be the King of the Hand, as there’s some upstart young Tagaryen across the sea who has visions of dethroning the King.

Star wipe to…

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One of the two seasons where we get to see her breasts: enjoy!

Meet Daenerys Stormborn – of course, she’s not the Targaryen we’re worried about, because there’s this jerk kicking around:

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If I didn’t die so early, it’d be a toss up between me and Joffrey as to who’s the most hated.

This is Viserys – Daenerys’ older brother. He’s arranged for Daenerys to be wed to Khal Drogo, the leader of the Dothraki, a horse-people. Viserys has done so in exchange for access to Drogo’s army. Viserys, being a son of the previous King, has claims on the current throne. Only, he needs a big-ass army with which to fight Robert, the current king.

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Getting Khal Drogo on your side is a good start.

With Daenerys introduced and married, we star-wipe back to Winterfell

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“Do you think Joffrey will like me?” Sansa asks, not having met Joffrey and knowing what a right cunt he is.

It’s nighttime at Winterfell, and since the King’s here, we’re having a feast!

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Raucous.

Shenanigans are going on at dinner. But we’re still setting up the story here – for as the feast goes on inside, outside Jon Snow is talking to Ned’s brother Benjen, who’s a recruiter for the Night’s Watch.

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Nice to meet you, Jon Snow. I’ll be dead in 3 episodes!

Jon Snow discusses joining the Night’s Watch with Benjen. After all, Jon Snow is Ned Stark’s bastard – and Catelyn is not a big fan of ol’ Jon Snow. 

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Then Tyrion comes by, says something wise, something snarky, and is off again.

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Meanwhile, at the feast, Cersei and Catelyn give each other passive-aggressive compliments. “Oh Catelyn, I love how you just wear anything.”

That night, as Ned and Catelyn are enjoying a post-coital snuggle, Maester Llyewen (seriously George R. R. Martin, use some normal spelling on names) comes in and gives them a letter.

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Hey, when you said a threesome, you didn’t say what kind.

It’s a letter from Catelyn’s sister Lysa, who tells them that the Lannisters murdered Jon Arryn. Suddenly, all those snipes that Cersei made at the dinner table seem a little more ominous.

Back across the water, Daenerys is marrying Khal Drogo.

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A Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

We get our first glimpse of Jorah “Friendzone” Mormont, who almost immediately (and without being asked) becomes Daenerys’ translator and advisor.

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Here’s a good wedding present for a horse-lord, books!

However, a much more foreshadow-y gift is given to Daenerys: 3 dragon eggs.

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My preciousssssss

Also, Jorah gives Daenerys a brand new, golden-white horse. (Because chicks love it when you fall all over yourself to give them gifts! That newly married bride will surely love you, Jorah!)

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Thanks Jorah – wait until I show my husband!

Finally, Khal Drogo and Daenerys consummate their marriage. This being Daenerys’ first time, and Khal Drogo being a bit rough around the edges, it doesn’t go smoothly for Dany.

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A lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying.

Star-wipe to Bran, taking his last climb.

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Boy, do I ever love to climb and use my legs! I sure wouldn’t ever want to not be able to walk again!

However, Bran happens to stumble upon Cersei and her Brother Jamie – gettin’ it oooon!

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Crap, I was almost there!!

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I have the weirdest boner right now…

Jamie then does the only sensible thing one can do when a 10-year old boy walks in on you fucking your own sister…

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*shove*

That’s a well thought out, measured response. And the triumphant first episode of Game of Thrones ends with a thump.

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July 8, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Slacktivism to end tomorrow

Back tomorrow with my new writing project. It’s gonna be all GoT! All the time! (Meaning Mon, Weds & Fri!)

 

Scratch that – it’ll be tomorrow. I had to watch the episode today and block out all the images, tomorrow I’ll get the writing and recap done. Each episode is a two-day project, so I’m thinking every other day will be a new post.

 

Stay tuned!

July 6, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment