Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Rambleicious: Apple’s Kid

Well, it’s Monday, so it’s the end of slackation for another few days. I tell ya, I don’t know why, but writing seems like a chore after a bit. I ‘unno, maybe ’cause the blog is so free form that I just splay words onto screen as I think of them and it doesn’t really seem like writing. 

Well, whatevs – let’s just keep at ‘er.

So… what’s going on? What’s new? What’s the haps?

Well, I can always talk about me? What’s new with me? Not much – just chillin like a villain. Spending my summer takin’ it easy, working a little every day on my paper. Workout every weekday, read every day… Yeah, just relaxin’ and living life.

I saw my buddy Apple over the weekend. He’s just had a new kid – and this new kid is tiny, like 20lbs or so – he was born about a month ago, so he’s still got that new-baby smell.

Now, my buddy Apple has two kids: Jackson and Matthew. (Matthew’s the newborn.) Since I am known as “Cinnamon”, it is my job to come up with Apple-related puns for Apple’s kids. Jackson, I’m happy to say, will forever be known as AppleJacks. Now that is a damn clever Apple-related pun! It’s got brand recognition right off the bat, and rolls off the tongue nicely.

AppleJacks! Brilliant!

But now I need an Apple-related pun for Matthew. For the time being, I’m calling him “Matty Apples” – which, he’ll have to grow into, as that will be his Frat name. I need some clever way to combine the words “Matt” and Apple together. (And I can’t use Mapple ’cause they did that on Futurama.)

A mutual friend of Apple and Cinnamon suggested I call him Matt-cintosh – which is darned clever, but *I* didn’t come up with it, so it’s unusable. I ‘unno, maybe I’ll just stick with Mapple.

I’m picturing when the kids are a bit older – say 4 and 6, right around that age where they’re no longer blowing snot bubbles all the time, but are far away from being snotty, sarcastic, know-it-all kids. And then Uncle Cinnamon will come by – and when I get to the door, I can scream, “AppleJacks!” when I see Jackson… but what to scream when I see Matthew? 

Let’s brainstorm!

  • Matty Apples
  • Mapple
  • Matt-cintosh
  • Google Maps
  • Applew
  • Golden Mattlicious. (If I use this, then I’ll definitely be known as “Dirty Uncle Cinnamon”)
  • Mapple Sauce

What I should do is look up all the cereal names containing the word “Apple” and try and shoe-horn in a Matt in there somewhere. Or it can be something that rhymes with Matt: like… uh, cat? Cat-Apple? That’s not a thing.

Alas, a search for a better nickname continues. 

Also, I think Apple and his wife should have a little girl, and then I can call her Appletini! 

Now that I think about it, there are shockingly few combinations of words that sound good with Apple in front of it. If only Apple had named his kid “Crumble” or “Pie” like I wanted. But nooo…

What else? In videogame news, EA NHL has released a physics video. (Featuring all-new 12-player collision detection!) Check it out!

Also, I’m still working on the GoT episode reviews, but holy-shnikes is that taking a long time. I need a more efficient way to do it than I have been. The way I’m doing it now is taking a snapshot on VLC every time something important happens, and then writing a little blurb. But I’m barely halfway into the episode and I’ve already got 100+ pictures! The episode reviews will get done, but it’ll take time… A whole lotta spending time… It’s gonna take plenty of tiiime. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it. To do it riiiiight!

Enjoy having that earworm in your head for the rest of the day!


July 21, 2014 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

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