Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A ramble about relationships

Another freezing cold Monday here in the nation’s capital.

Well, the Oscars were last night and I managed not to watch a single moment! Huzzah! I hear Birdman won best picture. Good for it.

What else? Still feeling pretty bummed about my actions. As I reintroduce myself back into the dating world, I realize I’ll make mistakes. It’s unfortunate that my mistakes will end up hurting other people. I can only hope that she’s not too hurt and she’s easily able to get on with her life. I had a notion of writing her a card – but I figure she doesn’t need any more reminders of my assholery. If she contacts me, I’ll offer her a face-to-face meeting, but I suspect the damage is done and that’s too little, too late.

On the other hand, I do have a date tonight and one for Saturday. Maybe I didn’t need to break up with her – but the anxiety I was having was so unbelievably draining, that I had to do something. Unfortunate, but I’ll stand by my decision and get on with it. This time, I’m coming into the date with a frame of, “Are you good enough for me?” I will resist immediately putting this girl into a role that she’s not necessarily qualified for.

I think my problem is that I suffer from “black or white” thinking. Admittedly, this makes me a hell of a mathematician, but it’s pretty disastrous for modern relationships. I’m either 100% committed to a girl, or not seeing her at all. The idea of casual dating is confusing to me – upsetting in a way. Either you like someone or you don’t, and you see what you have with that person. I don’t like the idea of keeping your options open – especially in a sexual relationship. To my way of thinking, sex is the most intimate bond between a man and a woman – if we’re dating and having sex, then I think that implies a certain level of exclusivity already. Sadly, most women don’t think like this.

Anyhoo, I will take the lessons I’ve learned and keep on moving forward. (Most important lesson; don’t break up with anyone by text.) Moreover, I will try and be up front with my feelings and what I expect. That way, if the girl thinks differently, I can just not see her anymore. What happened with this first girl, was I kept my feelings and expectations to myself. Naturally, it ended in disaster.

My ultimate goal is to meet an 18 year old virgin who is dedicated to motherhood and starting a family. Maybe 18 years old is a bit ambitious, but I doubt I’d marry a non-virgin. There’s an article on the internet which details the likelihood of a married couple divorcing based on the number of previous partners the woman had. It shows that the more partners a woman had, the more likely that marriage is to end in divorce. The safest marriages are when the woman had no previous partners.

That’s my ultimate goal. For now, I will settle for improving my game, and getting better at dating. I would prefer an exclusive relationship to anything casual, but I will have to wait until I meet a worthy woman. My attitude now is that I will have to be on my toes, and relentlessly root out any problems that may occur later. I think I will have to go on many more dates before I find a girl worthy of getting into a relationship with.

Welp, this girl tonight seems pretty down to earth. And she’s very pretty too, so fingers crossed!

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February 23, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

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