Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A ramble about monthly goals and mini-goals. Goals goals goals!

Man, wordpress keeps changing their layout – pick one and stick with it a’eady!

Anyhoo, feeling much better and more energetic today. I think my going to bed early and getting close to 10 hours sleep helped.

(Aside: Ugh – maybe it’s my web browser. I’m using “Opera” and so maybe there’s issues there. I hope not, or this post is gonna turn into a rant about how much I hate this layout.)

Anyhoo… I was able to create some monthly goals this morning, which leaves me feeling better about myself as well. I’ve had goals I want to achieve for awhile, and I’ve been working towards them, but lately I’ve felt like I’ve been caught up in the day-to-day monotony, and not focusing on the big picture. With my monthly goals, I’ve got a target to shoot for at the end of the month – and I’m hoping this will keep me more focused and more disciplined.

The way I’ve structured my goals, is that I have my ultimate goals that I’m shooting for, and then for each pillar (Health, Love, Math, Fortune, Fame) I’ve got a plan on how to achieve each ultimate goal. Then, I’ve broken down the plan into a series of mini-goals, and so now I’ve got a target to hit for each month to help me achieve my next mini-goal.

Wanna hear my monthly targets and mini-goals? Of course you do!

For health, my next mini-goal is to have a body fat percentage <=12% by November 5th, 2015. So my monthly goal is to cut my body fat %-age by 0.5% every month. The plan is to achieve that through diet, exercise and sleep.

For Love, my next mini-goal is to develop an abundance mentality when it comes to women, by November 5th, 2015. So my monthly goal is to go out with 5 new women every month. The plan is to basically accomplish this through Tinder, but then practice NoFap (to increase my sexual energy) and 15 minutes of daily mediation (to reduce anxiety and develop patience.)

For math, my next mini-goal is to get my PhD by Sep 1, 2015. In order to do this, I need my thesis written in good by June 1st (June 15th at about the latest.) Hence, my plan is to write 4 pages of thesis everyday.

For fortune, my next mini-goal is to earn over $100,000 a month, by November 5th, 2025. Plenty of time for this one, my plan right now is to save $250-500 a month until I get my PhD and a salaried position somewhere.

For fame, my next mini-goal is to perform comedy in front of 1000 people, by November 5th, 2020. So my monthly plan is to go to amateur night at Yuk Yuk’s every night, and work for 30 minutes everyday to create content for my comedy.

Now that I think about it, some of my far-off goals need to be broken down a bit more. Especially fame and fortune. Certainly, for health, I’ve got my plan broken down pretty well. Love, it’s a bit more nebulous, but (especially due to my work and living arrangements), I think just going on lots of dates for now is probably fine. Math is also pretty straight forward. I would say Fame and Fortune could use a lot more breaking down into finer details.

That’s the thing about goals – and one reason why I like writing about my goals every day. By taking the time to write out my plan, I can see where it’s weak and where things need to be fleshed out. If I hadn’t have taken the time to do that, I never would’ve found it out. (Or it would’ve taken me longer to find out.)

Anyhoo – the thing about the monthly goals is that I think I’ll be better able to relax at the end of the evening. Lately, I’ve been feeling guilty whenever I wasn’t working on my thesis. But now that I’ve got a plan, I can feel good about myself at the end of the day once I’ve accomplished all my goals. Further, I can now enjoy my relaxation guilt free. Huzzah!

Of course, some of that guilt may be artificial anxiety, but one thing at a time.


March 31, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A grey, dreary goals ramble

Bleah. I was sick yesterday, and still sorta am today. And it’s a grey, rainy day out, and I’m just feeling bleah.

However, the good news is that I’ll soon be better, and I can get back to working on my goals. Lately, I’ve found that I’ve been uninspired. I think this is because I’m so very close to achieving my PhD goal. I’ve read that it’s often very hard to complete a task 100%, and people usually stop at 90% or 95% done. I think that’s what I’m feeling. My thesis will take another month (or more) to write, and I’m not really super-stoked about that. So what I plan to do, today, is what I’ve been threatening to do for awhile now, and that’s write out my goals, complete with mini-goals along the way. Of course, I will do this off-site – and you’ll probably hear about it tomorrow. But for now, totally bleah.

I think I probably just need one more good sleep to get back to normal. I don’t feel nauseated or have a sore throat, just no energy, and my muscles are weirdly sore. I ‘unno. Maybe get to bed early tonight and see how that works for me.

But in the meantime we’ve got to get this blog post written.

I ‘unno what to write about. Not much going on. I was sick all yesterday – didn’t do anything on Saturday aside from play Factorio. (Aside: Oh man, Factorio is soooo addictive. It’s all about creating supply chains to automate stuff – sounds dull, and probably would be were I a normal person. But I’m a mathematician, so my weirdness quotient is allowed to be super high.) Anyhoo, once I create goals for myself, taking a day off seems like such a waste. It’s hard to enjoy the things I once did, mostly ’cause I feel guilty for not working on my goals. I think setting up monthly mini-goals will help – for if I achieve all my daily goals, then I don’t need to feel guilty about enjoying my time off.

The ideal day, according to (I think) Ben Franklin, is 8 hours of work, 8 hours of play and 8 hours of sleep. What I think I’ll go back to is getting all my goals accomplished first thing – and then once all the items on my “ToDo” list are checked off, I’ll begin the serious task of playing video games, etc… I very much enjoy the idea of a rigid, daily schedule. That’s why I think I’d do so well in the army – they tell you exactly what you have to do, you just have to show up.

Meh – it’s no fun being sick – or without energy. I haven’t worked out since Wednesday. I took Thursday off because I was tired from waking up in the morning – and then I went out at night with J3, and that followed through to Friday, but then I went out Friday with collegues and so that carried through to Saturday, and then yesterday I was sick. It’s funny how skipping one workout can lead to terrible results. I’m looking forward to feeling better and getting back at it.

Oh well – one of the things I definitely need to work on is patience towards my goals. I want to be in peak physical condition TODAY! I want a deep emotional connection with someone, TONIGHT!! I want to have my PHD, TOMORROW!! I will gradually learn the lesson of patience. One thing I will start trying is 15 minutes of meditation in the mornings. Currently, I do 15 minutes of visualization with respect to my goals. I think I will add 15 minutes of meditation afterwards. I keep reading about the benefits of meditation – including a sense of well being, a sense of calm and acceptance. I think I need that in my life. With my artificial anxiety, I can use all the help I can get in establishing a sense of calm.

I would also like to establish a better sense of purpose. I keep wasting time surfing the net and/or playing with my phone when I should be working. I need to get better at head-down math and keeping my mind focused on work. I think meditation can probably help with this as well.

Anyhoo – that’s a cool 15. No dates lined up for this week – but it’s Easter weekend, so that might be tough to do. I’m seeing J3 next week, so that’s cool. She’s fun to be around, pretty and a great kisser. So there’ll certainly be a report about that in the coming future.

March 30, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about making out and sleep and stuff

My date last night went well. Picked up J3, went to her place, watched a movie, made out for a bit, went home. I like J3, she’s very pretty and fun to be around – it’s a bit weird ’cause she’s taller than me, but I’m not going to make the mistake of over-investing my feelings this early. I’ll continue to see her and see what happens. And in the meantime, I’ll keep up with Tinder and dating and see what happens.

One thing I do know is that I totally need my sleep. Because my date was so late last night, I got home around 12:30, then didn’t fall asleep until about 1:30. Then I woke up before my alarm, so I’m drag-assing it today. I’ve got a sushi event with my colleagues tonight – and after that, I plan to come home and go right to bed. I’ll probably avoid making any dates for tomorrow, as I would like to spend the weekend cleaning up, working out and working on my thesis. My plan is to have the thesis written in rough by May 1st. And I’ve only got 2 more classes left to TA, and no marking – so all of April will just be writing the thesis all day, every day. Oh well, suck it up – grind through the month, and then I’ll be a doctor!

Anyhoo, when it comes to dating and self-validation and all that, my biggest problem, I think, is stressing out about the future. I’d be much better served to focus on the here and now – especially focusing on today and how I can make the most out of it. Of course, it’s super tough for me to focus when I’m tired – so I think the best thing I can focus on is getting to bed early and getting a good sleep.

What’s really been messing me up are my 8:30AM Thursday morning classes. Thursday mornings are always rushed – and I don’t get enough coffee, or a nice relaxing morning. When it comes time for the summer – I’ll be teaching Tuesday and Thursday evenings. So my plan is to move to an evening schedule – something like, wake up at 8:00 – start working out by 10:00, then I’m showered and ready to work by the crack of noon. I also especially like working out in the morning – as I always feel tremendous after I exercise, and I can feel better about myself knowing I’ve been to the gym.

Another thing about dating: one thing I was reading online before I went out last night was the idea of being playful. I took this to heart, and I think it made for a much more successful date. Generally, when I talk with my buddies, I like to talk about politics, and other weighty things. But girls aren’t buddies – girls, for the most part, don’t want to have long, technical, weighty conversations. They want to have fun! And so that’s what I focused on last night – was just being playful with J3 and having a good time. And you know what – I totally had a good time. We joked around all night about stuff, and she was all smiles when we were making out.

I think, when it comes to dating, a little confidence goes a long way. For the past little while, I’ve been bummed about J2 and going through “get back together” fantasies and things like that. As a result, I was feeling distressed about my love goals. But after last night, I’ve realized that, hey, I’m awesome and girls want to be with me. I know I should’ve internalized that message a long time ago, but I’m easily stressed, so I haven’t. But today, I’m feeling pretty good about myself – I’m confident that I’ll be able to meet attractive women in the future, and that I’ll eventually fulfill my need for deep, emotional and physical connection.

It’s amazing what making out can do for one’s confidence.

March 27, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sleepy ramble – thesis moratorium didn’t last long

Well, so much for the thesis moratorium. It lasted until about 8:00pm last night, when I set myself up for a date tonight and reinstalled Tinder. I think the lousy weather is having an affect on me – I was fine until about February, when the anxiety hit. It may be due to S.A.D (which is an aptronym if I’ve ever heard one.) Luckily, sunny days are right around the corner – so nothing I can do but wait it out, work hard on my thesis, and try and relax tonight when I’m on my date.

My date is with J3 – and so we’ll see how that goes. She’s 6’2, and taller than me – but she’s a pretty redhead, and I have a thing for pretty redheads.

What else? My sexual energy is charged up – despite being super tired today, I’m hoping I can have a super-productive afternoon of working on my thesis. I will probably have another nap – my date tonight is at 9:30, which is pretty damn close to bedtime for me. Oh, silly me, agreeing to such a late night date.

I think, when it comes to my Love goals, I need to be more proactive. As it stands, right now I’m relying mostly on Tinder for dates. What I should be doing, is approaching pretty women on the street and talking to them. But this is pretty damn stressful, especially since I’m not in the habit of approaching strangers on the street and talking to them. So, I think, once I’m done this semester and I move to an evening schedule, that every evening I’ll go out for an hour and practice talking to women on the street.

I started doing a similar program in October of last year (or maybe it was 2 years ago, sheesh!) and got sidetracked almost immediately with work demands. But this summer, I plan to sleep in, then exercise immediately, spend the rest of the day working on my thesis or my class, then going out to meet women, and finally coming home to smoke a joint and relax.

Again, I seem to be pretty goddamn impatient. I should remind myself that I’ve met pretty girls in the past who were attracted to me, and so it’ll happen again. I think I wrote in my flawed bonding post, about how I tend to expect the worst to happen whenever something bad happens. So if I break up with someone, my brain will start thinking, “She was perfect for me! I’ll never meet anyone again! I’ll be alone for my whole life!” – Which, frankly, is ridiculous – and moreover, I’m the one in control of my brain. So I should be training myself to think more positively, taking up mantras such as, “I’ll meet someone if I put my best self forward” or something like that.

The thing is, meeting people happens outside, and I’m a big fan of staying inside. I don’t like to be too busy with social activities, I like to be by myself a lot. Which is why I’m struggling with my current situation – if I like being by myself so much, why am I bummed about women all of a sudden? Is it because I now recognize this need I have for connection, and because I’m currently not meeting this need I’m stressing out about it?

That’s what I think is happening – plus, due to my medical condition, I think it’s easier for me to stress out about things. Maybe what I need to do is just practice relaxing. Either meditation, or something like that. Something to put me on an even keel, and remind myself that life will happen no matter what – I’d be better focused on making the most of my day, rather than worrying about the future or agonizing over the past. That may be easier said than done, but if I start practicing today, I’ll be a lot better off in the future.

One thing is for sure – sleep is important. It’s weird how I can go to bed early, be super tired, and still not fall asleep for 90 minutes. (And then wake up an hour before my alarm will go off.) Gotta do something about that.

Oh well… Looking ahead, I’ll have a PhD, be employed in academia, be in great physical condition, and I’m always fun to be around. What woman wouldn’t want me? All I need to worry about is putting my best self forward and making the most of today.

And we’ll probably start off with a nap.

March 26, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble on the thesis moratorium

Man, dating is stressing me out. I mean, I’m already stressed about my thesis, but with this dating on top of it, it’s even more stressful. I think I will probably get off Tinder, and just focus on my thesis until it’s done. I ‘unno – I’d like to meet someone, but I’m not really where I’m at in terms of self-motivation, and I’m still looking to girls for validation. I think I will probably do nothing but my thesis until it’s done.

Because, well, my thesis is going to take a shit-load of time. And if I’m constantly distracted by girls, and relationships and all that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it done.

Just this morning, I was texting with a girl – J3 – and I sent a text that was way too intense. Then I spent some time wondering about how she’d take it, and worrying about what to say.

I mean, this is no way to do things. I should be focusing on work when it’s time for work – not what some girl, who I don’t even see a future with, thinks about my text. I think, due to my high cortisol, any slightly stressful event gets magnified. And right now, because I’m aware of this need, I get stressed out over it on a daily basis. Because I’m thinking about this need I have, and how best to fill it.

If we add on top of that, I can’t really even use Tinder for hooking up, since I live with my family. So logistics for sex are dependent on the other girl. What a bummer.

So I think what I’ll do is focus on myself and my career, until I get to a point where I’ve moved out. Once I’m back on my own, in my own place, earning some real money, then I’ll worry about getting my Love goals handled.

Because, in the meantime, I’ll be working on myself. Number one, I’ll be positioning myself for a life-long career in Math. At the moment this is going to be more important than meeting women. If I’m to be an attractive man, then certainly I should be able to afford to take girls out on dates, etc… A man without a job or a means of income is an unattractive man. No one likes a bum.

Number two, I’ll be working on my health. Right now, because of the kidney, I’m carrying a lot of extra weight around my belly. Steroid guy, it’s known as. I need to be somewhat fanatical about my diet if I’m to eliminate this fat – as the pills I take everyday naturally increase belly fat. So, by the time I’m done my thesis, as long as I stick to my diet and keep working out everyday, I’ll look a million times better. This will increase my self-confidence for sure.

One thing is that it will eliminate the stress of dating. I seem to be pretty sensitive at the moment – pretty worried about other people. What I need to focus on is myself. I need to focus on being self-motivated, being happy by working on my goals.

I think once I’ve reached a better place, then I’ll go back to dating. I think I’ll basically go on a “thesis moratorium”, until I’m done. Those are now my new Love goals. Get my thesis done, get my own place, get a salaried position in academia (post-doc or prof). Once that’s been handled, a major source of stress will be eliminated, and I can then concern myself with dating.

That sort of introduces a new source of stress though: sexual frustration. Maybe this is how I’ll learn to channel my sexual energy. We’ll see…

March 25, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love goals ramble – areas I will need to work on

Woo. The Sens are in a playoff position. Yabba dabba doo.

Anyhoo, I’ve been feeling anxiety lately, and still sorta bummed that I broke up with J2. I think this is because I ignored my need for connection for so long, that I miss that connection – and when I realized J2 and I *could* have a connection, I let my need get the better of me. I’m still gradually accepting that it’s over between me and J2 – but some days are filled with longing.

And it’s a bummer. But the good news is that I know I can change it. I can create a plan to attain my love goals, and as long as I’m following the plan, I can be happy with it’s progress.

Because that’s been a bit of a problem lately, it’s that I haven’t been feeling happy. Before I started dating, I was plenty happy. Or so I thought? This need for connection had lain dormant for some time, so maybe I was fooling myself that I was happy.

What is happiness then? Or where does it come from? I think that a deep happiness comes from working on meaningful goals. So perhaps I should lay out some love goals for myself.

I’ve listed my ultimate goal: I want a deep, mental and physical connection with a young, beautiful, virgin girl who’s dedicated to motherhood and starting a family. I mean, this is a tall order. And I think my mindset now is what can I do to improve myself, to be the type of man that my dream girl is attracted to.

(Rambly today. Took some cannabis earlier.)

Anyhoo, what kind of man would my dream girl be with? Well, he’d have to be handsome, so that she’s physically attracted to him – smart and funny, so that she’d enjoy talking with him – socially savvy, so that she could show him off to all her friends and be seen with him in public – strong, so she feels protected – and good in bed, because if you’ve saved your virginity for me, I’d better be worth it.

So that’s what I’m going to focus on, those areas. Luckily, working on goals in other ares will improve these skills. Physically attractive and strong will follow from my health goals, social savvy I can work into my fame goals, and I’m already pretty goddamn smart and funny. The last one is to be good in bed, so I guess my primary goal for love at the moment, is to continue dating and find girls to have relations with.

That may sound pretty cold, but that’s the reality of dating today.

March 24, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about anxiety and health goals

Ugh – I know I said I was going to write about goals today, but we’ll see how that goes. For some reason, I’m shaking with anxiety this morning. Dunno why – maybe I’m slightly stressed about something, and as a result of my elevated cortisol levels, my body is reacting poorly. It’s been a tough morning – a knot in my stomach, feeling jagged and tough to concentrate. I think I’ll see the doc about something for anxiety, because this ain’t a good feeling.

Well, I’m sure I’ll feel a bit better after I exercise. But that’s not a great long term solution – unless I start working out in the morning, which I suppose I could start doing. There’s always smoking a joint – but that’s not great for productivity. (I assume that’s what I’ll be doing later.)

Gotta write about something – gotta push through this feeling until it’s gone. What’s good? Well, I’m getting much better at piano. I’m currently working on perfecting the easy version of The Entertainer by Scott Joplin. It’s starting to sound good – and I think I’ll have it down pat within a week or so.

What else? The Sens are doing well. They’re 1 point back from a wildcard position with 2 games in hand on Boston, the team currently occupying the final wildcard spot. If the Sens win tonight, they’ll be in a playoff position. So hooray for the local sports concern!

I suppose if I were to write about my health goals, I’d first focus on my ultimate goal, which is: to have my own kidney, to be in peak physical condition, to have healthy, blemish-free skin, to have shiny white teeth and fresh breath, to be able to fall asleep 5 minutes after I go to bed, and to be bursting with energy all day.

Now, if that’s my ultimate goal, in order to achieve it I would need to specify exactly what I mean by, say, “peak physical condition”. Because, when it comes to health goals, it’s all about doing those little things, day in and day out, which result in a healthy lifestyle. For me, I suppose my focus should be my diet. I’ve been having a poor diet for the past couple weeks, so that’s what I’ll focus on. I’m doing well with workouts – very consistent, usually 4 or 5 per week. I think the first thing I want to accomplish for my health is to get super fit. That means something like 10-12% body fat (which may or may not be achievable, given my medical condition.) So that’s what I’ll focus on – losing weight. That’ll be my first mini-goal.

After that, which can only be achieved through a healthy diet and consistent exercise, then everything else should be easier to accomplish. I imagine I’ll be able to fall asleep quicker if I’m exercising everyday and eating a healthy diet – my skin should improve, my energy should sky-rocket. My teeth – well, I just have to keep brushing and flossing everyday like I do. I’ll see about getting them whitened – I feel that they’re a bit stained due to the fact that I drink black coffee. So I won’t really worry about those until I’ve achieved my weight loss goal.

Ultimately, I don’t really care about how much I weigh, what I care about is that my belly fat is all gone. (Again, this may or may not be achievable due to my medical condition.) But my focus for the next little while will be on maintaining a strict diet. I’m confident I’ll keep working out like I have been – but with a better diet, that weight will come flying off. (Well, not flying off, but it’ll inevitably come off due to science. Calorie out > calorie in; that’s all I care about.)

Anyhoo – I think I may also be a bit bummed due to lack of sunlight. Luckily, the weather is improving and good times are right around the corner. Tell that to my shaky body though, ’cause it don’t believe you.

March 23, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A rambly ramble about goals and sexual energy

Well, first weekend in awhile without any dates. I had an unsatisfying hook-up, so the less said about that the better. That’s more on me – I need to learn to channel my sexual energy into fruitful pursuits, rather than wasting it.

I was re-reading the chapter on transmuting sexual energy in Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” today, and Hill basically reaffirmed the idea that the sex desire is man’s most potent source of energy. And this source of energy can be used to achieve greatness, as long as one learns to channel this energy in a positive way. Too often, one channels this energy into a physical release – which, when Love is not involved, basically leads to a waste of energy. That’s what I’m finding with these hook-ups – they’re emotionally unsatisfying (and often enough physically unsatisfying too.)  I think, as well, I need to develop patience when it comes to sexual matters.

But there is this need for an emotional connection that I’ve ignored for so long, and so as I’m looking to fill it, and not having enough patience, I’m doing sort of needy things in order to fulfill my needs. Again, I must develop patience.

This upcoming week, I’ll look to focus my energies on exercise, diet and math. I’ve still got a niggling little problem to figure out for my thesis. And I’m real close to doing so. My hope is that, in practicing to transmute my sexual energy, I’ll solve this problem and then I can get to work on finishing my thesis. Looking ahead, if I can solve this problem by the end of (s)March, then I’ll have my thesis done in rough by May 1st no problem. That’s great news, as it’s one of my goals that I want to achieve.

Oh right, last few posts have been about goals, mini-goals, etc… Well, since it takes quite a lot of time to develop mini-goals and planning and such, I think I’ll do that on my own and then just post the results here on my blog. Well, maybe not – we’ll see. This blog is a dedicated time during the day when I’ll write about whatever’s on my mind – which is usually goal related. So maybe I’ll develop my mini-goals and plans here. In fact, that’s probably what I’ll do. Each day this week, I’ll write down my mini-goals and plans for each pillar. Boom. There ya go.

Because today I’m sorta tired and lazy. I did a great workout yesterday, and then sex at night, that’d tire anyone out. Luckily it’s Sunday, a day to take it easy. No workout today, that’s for sure.

But I don’t like days off. If I’m wasting time, then I’m not working on my goals, and hence, I can’t really enjoy the moment. Maybe instead of taking the rest of the day off, I’ll do a bit of marking. That’s something I need to do, and I can watch TV and/or a movie while I do it, so I won’t mind how long and tedious it is. Boom. That’s what I’ll do.

But man, early to bed tonight. I was reading online about the difference sleep makes to an elite athlete. And it turns out that athletes should get between 8-10 hours of sleep a night. Man – sleep is hella important, and I haven’t been sleeping very well lately. I tend to wake up about an hour before my alarm, and then I’ll hit snooze a couple times before getting up. Bleah. Tonight, my plan is to turn off my computer at 8:00, get cleaned up, and get into bed to read. I’ve also not been keeping up with my books recently, so tonight’s a good night to turn that around.

I guess the other thing that’s still bugging me, is that every now and again, throughout the day, I’ll remember something about J2, and it’ll trigger a tinge of sadness. But I’ve got to remember, if I can’t be happy on my own, and seek validation through myself, then it doesn’t matter if I’ve got a girlfriend or I don’t. I can’t be relying on anyone else for happiness and validation.

There’s also the idea that our brains go over past relationships in order to ‘fix’ them, even though there’s nothing to be done. Whenever that happens, I’ve got to focus on what kind of man I want to be – for if I’m going to meet my dream girl, then I’d damn well make sure that I’m her dream guy. The only way to do that is focus on what I can control – me and my actions – and spend all day engaged in high value activities, and spend my time constructively, working towards my goals.

Welp – that’s a rambly 15! Hope you had a great weekend!

March 22, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Waving a magic wand: my ultimate goals for the 5 pillars

Well, a bit of a bummer as my afternoon date cancelled on me. But I did manage to find a hook-up for tonight, so that’s a plus. One thing that I tend to forget is that dating is a process – a marathon, not a sprint. When my anxiety gets the better of me, I forget about that, and tend to go overboard with my texting and tinder. Consequently, I come off as needy and desperate. I’ll do much better once I learn to channel my sexual energy into my goals on a consistent basis.

Speaking of goals, I mentioned yesterday how I’d outline my goals and plans for my mini-goals. I think I’ll do that now. I’ve got the 5 pillars: Health, Love, Math, Fortune and Fame.

When it comes to goals, I must be purely selfish. I have to pick goals that *I* want to achieve, and not goals that other people want me to achieve. This is relatively easy for me to do, since I’ve had practice – but if you’re young and trying to live up to your parents ideals, then that’ll result in an unhappy life. I think the mindset should be, “Even if no one else knew I had achieved these goals, what goals would I want to achieve?” That is, what are the goals I want to achieve, no matter what anyone else might say.

The other thing about setting goals, is that you don’t worry about the “How to.” Just yet. I think too many people have a goal, but then immediately shout it down in their own mind. i.e., Someone will say, “I wish I owned the Dallas Cowboys.” but then immediately after thinking of that goal, they’ll say, “Ah, that’ll never happen.” Or something negative like that.

So what I’m going to do is called the “magic wand” technique. I’m going to pretend I have a magic wand, and when I wave it, whatever I want to come true will happen. In this fashion, I won’t get bogged down with the “how to’s” of attaining my goals. I’ll just lay out what I want in life. Later on I’ll figure out how to get it.

So, Health. If I could wave a magic wand and achieve my ideal Health goals, what would that look like?

Well, for starters, I had a kidney transplant when I was a kid, and that’s a major challenge in my life. So the first thing I would wish for would be my own genetic kidney. After that, I would want to be in peak physical condition, I would want clear and healthy skin, shiny white teeth with fresh, minty breath, I want to be able to fall asleep 5 minutes after I go to bed, and I want to wake up everyday with a positive attitude and bursting with energy.

Now, this is a good start – when it comes time to writing down my mini-goals, I would need to get more specific. But this gives me a good idea of what I want my perfect Health life to look like.

Next up, if I could wave a magic wand, what would my perfect Love life look like?

Well, I would definitely want to have a deep, emotional and physical connection with a young, beautiful, virgin girl, who’s dedicated to old fashioned values, motherhood and starting a family.

Funny, I didn’t know where that would end up as I was typing – I’m sort of shocked that I would want a woman who wanted to start a family. For a long time, I was convinced I would just be single for the rest of my life and that would be that. But, as I’ve learned, after ignoring my needs for so long, and dealing with these issues, I’m starting to learn what I truly want in life. And I think I can honestly say that, yes, I would like to be married and start a family.

Well, I ‘unno. It’s shocking for me to write that. Maybe it’s just because I’m in such a good mood today. Who knows? But, for now, that’ll be my ultimate Love goal.

Next up, Math. Easy peasy. I want to solve the twin prime conjecture and the Riemann hypothesis. I want to write the standard, undergraduate texts for algebra and calculus, and I want to be remembered as one of the greatest mathematicians of the 21st century.

The math goals will be tough. But luckily, I am developing good math habits so that everyday, I do a little bit more Math. In 30 years or so, I might be able to accomplish these.

Penultimately, Wealth. I want to own a 100 acre plot of arable land on which I can build my dream house. I want to have over $10,000,000 in the bank and earn over $100,000 a month by being my own boss and working from home.

Finally, Fame. I would love to be famous for being smart and funny. I think I could be a musician – I think I could earn a living doing stand-up comedy, and I would like to be world renowned as an intellectual and author. My fame goals are what I want to work on in my spare time.

So that’s a rough outline of my ultimate goals in each pillar. That’s the funnest part of goals, thinking about what you want. Now comes the tough part – writing out more specific goals, and then creating mini-goals that I must accomplish in order to achieve my ultimate goal. The final step is writing out a plan for the first mini-goal. And then that’s what I’ll do in the upcoming blog posts.

But that’s been about 15 minutes. Have an awesome Saturday!

March 21, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rough and tumble ramble about wistfulness and goals

A bit of a rough morning feelings-wise. I was feeling wistful all morning towards J2. (See Glossary.) I think it’s helpful to note that I went out last night with some friends for some Simpsons trivia, and as I result, I stayed up late and ended up wasting my sexual energy. (That’s a clever euphemism if I’ve ever heard one.) I think when my sexual energy was “charged” (i.e., it’s been a couple days) then I was looking more towards the future. For sex, I think I should reorient my goal so that I can focus my sexual energy. Right now I don’t really have enough of a plan for my love goals, other than “date a lot of women.”

I also didn’t have a great sleep, which is a problem for me. I’ve had sleeping problems for awhile, I think from when I was doing shift work most likely – might be some stuff in there with the kidney – and I always feel pretty terrible when I’m tired. I have yet to do a workout today, and I missed one yesterday, so I should get down there and do something.

The thing about being wistful, is that it keeps me thinking about the past. As well, I’ve still got anxiety about my love goals, so thinking about the past can trigger negative emotions, or negative thought patterns. What is better is to keep my eye on my goals. Don’t forget the mistakes, but learn from them, and move past them. Keep looking towards the future.

And so that’s what I’ll do. Because thinking about the past tends to bum me out. But thinking about the future is more productive. It instills me with a sense of hope, which leads to optimism. So that’ll be my focus, and my strategy for dealing with negative thoughts. Whenever I start feeling wistful about J2, I can say to myself, “I accept the mistakes I’ve made and I will learn from them. But right now, I will think about my primary goals.”

What are my goals?

I divide my goals up into 5 pillars: Health, Love, Math, Fortune and Fame.

For each of these pillars, I create a primary goal for them. Then for each primary goal, I create a sequence of mini-goals, such that this sequence of mini-goals will lead me to my primary goal. Finally, I create a plan to achieve my mini-goal and start following that plan.

This seems like I good time to do this on my blog. I think I’m going to change my blog around, so that it’s all about goals and stuff. So that in the next few posts, I’ll be writing out my goals, then mini-goals, and creating a plan. I think that’s probably a good idea to do it here – probably with plenty of euphemisms for the Love goals, because it’s a bit embarrassing to talk about my sex life.

Anyhoo – ramble about stuff today. I should say that cannabis helps a lot with my anxiety, I always feel a lot more grounded and have less wistful feelings afterwards. I think I recall that cannabis is an anti-anxiolotic, but I also read that it raises your cortisol levels, so I ‘unno what’s going on. Alls I know is that it’s Friday. You ain’t go no job. And you ain’t go shit to do!

March 20, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment