Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Top 5 qualities I think my special girl should have

It’s funny. On Thursday and Friday I was feeling pretty good. I had some dates lined up for the weekend, matches on Tinder were plentiful, I was making progress with my issues. But today, after a bummer weekend (and still smarting from that bitchy rejection yesterday), not feeling as optimistic. This tells me that I was probably relying on my dates on the weekend for external validation, and I haven’t developed enough internal validation to cope. Yup. Issues don’t go away after only a couple weeks of work. It’s gonna be months before I’m grounded and secure enough to be worthy of meeting a girl of high quality.

I think because I’m recognizing my issues and needs, it’s harder for me to be alone now. Back before I started dating, when I wasn’t aware of any issues, I was pretty content to be alone. I would maybe see my buddies on the weekend, but otherwise I’d be content to stay at home and play video games, or some other lame, solitary activity. But now I’ve recognized that I have unfulfilled needs – specifically, I desire to have a deep, emotional and physical connection with someone. Moreover, because I’ve ignored this need for so long, I think it snuck up on me how much I missed that closeness with someone. So it feels like, unconsciously at least, I’m desperate for such a connection. (And a desperate man is not an attractive one.) Thus, I will keep working on my issues, keep developing that inner strength and self-esteem.

So, here I am, talking about my issues some more. This will continue for as long as these issues persist.

Anyhoo, since I’m a bit bummed today, I’ll cheer myself up by looking towards the future. Towards achieving my goals. I’ve got my goals divided into 5 categories in the following order: Health, Love, Math, Fortune and Fame. In each of these areas, I’m working towards a specific goal. (Also, another reason I may be bummed is that I’m stumped on a current math question, and if I don’t solve it, my thesis isn’t going to be as spectacular as I want it to be.)

But, since this blog has rapidly turned into my dating blog, I’ll focus on my Love goal. As I said, I desire to have a deep, emotional and physical connection with someone special. But what would I define as a special girl? Let’s see if I can choose some definite traits that I would require in a very special girl.

  1. Beautiful. No doubt about it, the main requirement for any girl I meet is that she be beautiful. If I’m not attracted to her, then her character doesn’t matter. Attraction is the starting point for any physical relationship, so she’d better be beautiful.
  2. Kind. Too many people nowadays are cynical and selfish. The one thing I liked about this girl I broke up with was she was unbelievably kind. I think, any girl I’m going to be with, had better have a kind personality. Someone who can be kind is a person I want to be around.
  3. Smart. It just so happens that I’m pretty goddamn smart. I have a phenomenal memory, I’m good at recognizing patterns and I can make abstruse connections that most other people can’t. (Not to mention I’ll use the word ‘abstruse’ in a sentence.) This isn’t to brag, or imply that makes me better than anyone, but it is a quality I possess. Therefore, I think that anyone who I’m going to connect with will also need to be very smart. Not only so we can have interesting discussions, but so she can also keep up with my many witticisms I let loose throughout the day.
  4. Funny. It’s one thing to be smart, and it’s another thing to be a snobby intellectual. Despite my intelligence, I still love watching cartoons and sports and being silly all the time. The girl I’m with shouldn’t be tremendously serious – I love comedy, I love joking around – and anyone I’m with should share in that comedic spirit.
  5. Stable. Since I can recognize my issues, I realize that I’m the only one that can get my needs met. I need to look out for myself. I know I’ve got things to work on, but I’m working on them – and I’m going to make sure that I’m not dependent on anyone else for getting my needs met. Similarly, if I’m going to be with someone, she needs to also make sure she’s dependent on getting her needs met. I’m looking to build a healthy relationship – and a relationship where one partner depends on the other for fulfillment isn’t health. Hence, a special girl will be someone who’s stable – someone who is internally validated, and has a well deserved sense of self-esteem.

I think that’s probably a good starting point. One thing I recognized from my dates this weekend was that I was trying to make a connection, rather than let a connection happen. In the future, I will try harder to probe these girls to see if they have these qualities. I don’t really know how I’m gonna do that, but I’ll try. I’m a total neophyte when it comes to dating. I’m still learning the basic skills, and developing into a self-confident, attractive man. It’s tough facing these issues day in and day out – but I’ll make progress, and I’ll keep moving forward. I know that eventually, I’ll be in a better place, and I can start looking for girls that meet the criteria above.

Thanks for reading!

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March 9, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. You are a Liebster Award nominee! Pingback: https://howtosurvivemoderndating.wordpress.com/2015/03/09/the-liebster-award/

    Comment by YounginAmerica11 | March 9, 2015 | Reply


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