Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Another review of the weekends date – rambly

Another summary of this weekends dates.

Only one this weekend. Met up with this girl for a drink. Last time I came off too eager, so I made sure to lean back and try and focus on leaving when I want to leave. Anyhoo, she shows up, late – at 20 mins late I was going to leave. I’ll give her some allowance because the weather was shitty, but I think in future I should value my time more. Anyhoo, she shows up – and she’s very pretty. She’s an immigrant, from Syria – and of all things she’s interested in numbers. So we talk about weird stuff, like higher dimensional consciousness and stuff like that. During the date, I’m very conscious of the fact that I’m leaning back. So I only lean in when she leans in. Still working on this body language stuff. Well, during the date she’s got an Ipad and her phone in front of her, and she’s showing me stuff on it – but also playing with it reflexively. I think I should’ve made her put that stuff away. Anyhoo, I’m done my beer and I end the date – we go out, and I say, “This was fun. We should do it again.” And she said, “Yes. You can tell me your theories…” but for some reason, I had jumped the gun as soon as she said “yes” and went in for the kiss. A bit sloppy, and as a result I get the cheek. Bleah.

Well, I ‘unno if I should talk to her again. She said “yes” to another date, but I ‘unno if that’s just because she was being polite, or she takes things slow or whatever. I will apply every salesman’s advice ever and make her say no – so tomorrow I’ll text her and see if she’s free on Saturday. In any case, for next time, I’ll actually time things better when it comes time for the kiss. I think also, I should be able to read her body language enough to know if she wants to be kissed. Either I should clam up, and let her do the talking – as I’m sure if she was into me, the silence will unnerve her – or wait until I hear she wants to see me again, and go in for the kiss.

Oh, also – she didn’t want a ride home – so I’m quite sure that’s a sign she wasn’t attracted to me. It’s clear that if a girl is attracted to me, she’ll want to do whatever she can to remain in my presence for a bit longer.

Anyhoo, the more dates I’ll go on, the better chance I have of meeting someone special. And the more I work on self-validation, setting boundaries, not appearing needy, etc… The better prepared I’ll be to make a deep connection with someone special.

The thing about not appearing needy… The best way to do that is to simply not be needy to begin with. It’s sort of a catch-22 for me at this point. Because the need for an emotional and physical connection with a woman is something I’ve ignored for a long time. I subsisted on one-night-stands and hook ups simply because I didn’t want to face my issues, and hope they’d get better on their own. But, as I’ve found out, they don’t – so everyday I try and find a little more satisfaction with myself.

I suppose I should be very happy with how things are going for me. I’ve achieved many of my goals already, and I’ll achieve many more in the future. I’ve got many positive qualities and any woman would be lucky to have me. I think right now, my struggle is internalizing this message. As it stands, I’m focusing too much on my needs that aren’t fulfilled. Unfortunately, it takes time to make this type of connection with someone. And me, I’m impatient.

Really, I think fulfilling this need is a process. It’s frustrating not to have all my needs filled, but as long as I keep working on myself, keep working on my goals, keep going on dates, staying positive and believing that I’ll achieve my goal, then that’s all I can do. Everyday I need to practice focusing on the task in front of me.

This morning, for example, I was trying to work on my thesis, but I kept getting distracted and checking Tinder every 15 minutes. One of the things that I really need to focus on is doing activities with 100% attention. I can’t be writing my thesis efficiently while checking Twitter and other social media every few minutes. I think I need to block the websites, turn off my phone and buckle down and work.

Welp, again, it’s a daily process. I do enjoy these mid-day blog posts. They’re pretty cathartic for me, and tell me where my mind is at. I’m sure I’ll gradually work through all my issues just by writing them down everyday, and thinking about them out loud.

Anyhoo – I changed up my workout routine. I switched it so I wouldn’t have to do squats and deadlifts on the same day. And I added a bunch of cardio at the end to burn more calories. The way it looks is:

Workout A: Front Squats, Bench – 10 sets – Goblet Squats  DB Flyes 3 sets high reps
Workout B: BO Rows, Deadlifts – 10 sets – Good mornings, Reverse DB flyes 3 sets high reps
Workout C: Shoulders, Triceps, Biceps: 6 sets – Core: 15-30 minutes

And I’ll go Monday – Friday, with the split A/C/B/C/A – and then next week B/C/A/C/B.

Anyhoo – that’s way past 15 minutes. Happy Monday!

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March 16, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

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