Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Game of Thrones recap; Season 5, episode 3

Well, I look to be in line to meet a majority of my April goals. I’ll hit my Health, and Fortune goals – get about 90% of that Math goal done – but not so well for Love and Fame. For love, I had plenty of dates, but they were all with J3 – so I’ll have to tailor those goals for May to better reflect my reticence towards dating more than one person at a time. For Fame, I did go to amateur night once – so I only met about 25% of my goal, but that’s still better than nothing. In fact, it’s infinitely better. So, all in all, a pretty good April. I feel better about my goals knowing I had targets to aim for, and in general I feel like I had a productive month. Now onto the May flowers!

Now then – what to write about. My weekdays are pretty routine nowadays – get up, do my goals, do math, do my workout, do piano, do my writing and reading, then do a bit more math until about 8 or 9 at which point it’s time to relax. So I don’t really want to ramble about all the stuff I’ve rambled about already. Ooh, I know – I can do a Game of Thrones recap.

Episode 3 recap – bullet point style, in no particular order.

  • In King’s Landing, a fanatical religious order calling themselves “The Sparrows” have seen fit to judge all the wicked sinners in town. This includes the high priest of the town, who’s shamed after he’s been caught visiting a brothel. Cersei goes and seeks out the leader of the Sparrows (played by Jonathan Pryce!) in order to find out what he wants. A bit of a stalemate ensues, and there’s more to be seen from this encounter.
  • In the house of Black and White, Arya isn’t doing much more besides sweeping the floor, and not really knowing why she’s there. She sees a guy come into the temple only to drink from a cup given to him by J’aqen Hagar, and then die. In order to become a faceless man, Arya must give up all her worldly possessions. She goes down to the docks and dumps everything in the water, except for Needle, which she stores under some rocks. Gradually, she learns more about this weird place, and helps a girl in the temple prepare bodies for burial.
  • Meanwhile, at Moat Cailin, Littlefinger promises Sansa’s hand in marriage to Ramsey Bolton. It would appear that Ramsey Bolton and Petyr Baelish have made an alliance against the Lannisters – although it’s an uneasy alliance, as neither man trusts the other. Sansa, for her part, is doing her best to play the dutiful wife – but in the back of her mind she knows that Roose Bolton killed her brother at the red wedding, so I’m sure she’s got some vengeful plans of her own. (It’s interesting to note that Roose Bolton has several daughters, but only one son… and the death of an heir would make for some damn good vengeance. Not sure if that’s what happens… but just saying.)
  • Brienne and Pod are skulking around outside Moat Cailin. And inside Moat Cailin is Theon – he definitely remembers Sansa, and from his brief episode of acting as Theon in order to win the castle, it’s likely that he and Sansa will cross paths eventually.
  • At the wall, Jon Snow has been elected Lord Commander, and is looking to assert his authority. Janos Slynt, the coward that hid with Gilly during the fight with the wildlings, defiantly disobeys an order given by Snow. Jon gives Janos a chance to follow the order, but Janos remains defiant. With a sad look on his face (the usual Jon Snow look), Snow takes Slynt out into the courtyard and executes him. The man who passes the sentence swings the sword.
  • Finally, Tyrion and Varys take a break from travelling cross country to stretch their legs in a local town. While there, Tyrion gets capture by Jorah “Friendzone” Mormont. Surely this will win the Queen’s heart! Eh Jorah?

And that’s about all I remember. Gonna be a hell of an episode come Sunday!


April 30, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meandering ramble: J3 or not J3?

I’m not sure whether or not I should keep dating J3. She’s pretty insistent about this BDSM stuff, and that’s not really a commitment I can make right now. I’d rather just hang out, have some laughs, and have sex. The idea that sex would be this time-consuming, psycho-sexual thing… well, I dunno about that.

But maybe I just haven’t read enough about it. Maybe I should read a bit more – because there are aspects of BDSM I like, namely the domination. I like being in control, I like being in a position of power, and I definitely like the idea of a woman catering to my every desire.

Maybe this is me over-investing my feelings, and looking too far in the future. I mean, we’re just casually dating – we’re not exclusive or anything like that. I’m certainly free to date other women – although due to my temperament, I don’t have much of an interest.

Also, I think the fact that I’m willing to break up with J3 gives me a certain sense of power. If we keep dating, and she breaks up with me, then I’m no worse for wear, since I was going to do that anyway. But if I keep dating her, I can practice my dating skills, and I get to have sex.

I think the only problem them is that I’m continuing to see J3 when I know in the back of my mind there’s probably no long term future there. That’s ok as long as I’m completely honest with J3. Or is it?

I guess that’s the thing, it’s that I should define my values, so I know whether I’m going against them or not.

But I think as long as I’m honest with J3, then that’s ok. We haven’t had the exclusive talk or anything like that – and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become exclusive with her either – I’ll just be up front about what I want, and where I am in life.

The thing that makes me pause about breaking up with her, is that she’s read about goals. She’s either read (or re-read) Maxwell Maltz’s psycho-cybernetics – which is all about visualization, and training your brain to react a certain way. And as I like to think, anything is possible when you’ve got goals.

I ‘unno. I do have some sexual fantasies I want to cross off the bucket list, and there’s a good chance I can do that with J3. I think I’ll just keep on dating her, as long as it doesn’t become a source of stress or anxiety. If not, then we’ll break up. But for now, I’ll just keep moving forward – stay in the present, keep an open mind, be as honest as possible (while still maintaining a sexy mystique) and enjoy the time I have with her.

I’ll say this – her face is quite captivating, and she smiles a lot. I’ll just keep things casual for now, not over-invest my feelings, and just try to get the most out of every day.

Because this thesis is a killer. But having sex every weekend with a pretty redhead isn’t a bad way to blow off steam.

April 29, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A spacey, lazy ramble about finishing my thesis

Oh man – two beers last night and my stomach is not at all happy today. I think I will try going no alcohol for May as a goal – just to see if I can.

Some sad news – my brother’s dog Mack (AKA: Honey Bunches) has a cancerous tumor on his ribs. Mack’s got to have an operation on Tuesday to get rid of it, and we’ll see how much the cancer has spread. So we’re all hoping Honey Bunches can make a full recovery after Tuesday.

It’s looking likely that I’ll skip a workout today. I ‘unno, maybe I will go do one right after this post. I’m feeling sorta bleah – but that probably means that’s the best time to go to the gym.

This thesis is starting to stress me out. I’ve been pretty good about doing 4 pages a day during the month of April – my thesis is 132 pages right now, in rough – but May 1st is coming up quick. I think I’ll have to pull a couple of long days tomorrow and Thursday in order to get it done.

See, what I’m thinking, since the rents are gone – is I roll myself a couple doobers, put my headphones on, load up all the albums of The Mars Volta, and then work on my thesis until I go to bed. In fact, I think that’s how I should be spending my nights from now on – instead of looking at pictures on the internet or playing Hearthstone, I’m thinking I should be spending a significant amount of time on my thesis.

One common problem with goals is that it’s easy to make it to 95% and then quit. The temptation to quit when you’re almost done is very strong. That’s why it’s important to finish something 100%.

Therefore, I think I should really start focusing in on my thesis. I’m very, VERY close to having a PhD and being called doctor, and probably getting a sweet professor gig somewhere. So I should really focus on spending the most time everyday working on this last 5% of my goal.

So that’s gonna be the plan. I’ll probably start that May 1st – so it’ll tie into my May monthly goals.

Oh right – today was gonna be about Game of Thrones. I spaced on that – I’ll do that tomorrow for Wicked Wednesday.

Yup – spacing out ’cause I smoked some cannbis – and it’s super nice out for a change, a bright sunny day. Short post.

Anyhoo, I think I’m gonna gut it out and go do a workout – then try and work on my thesis a little for the evening. That’s the plan.

EDIT: I did do a workout, and I feel much better as a result. I just realized that you can see when I workout through my Twitter feed on the right hand side of this blog. If you’re looking for inspiration to workout, I’d recommend trying Fitocracy. There’s something motivating about getting points for a workout, and the trying to beat that score next workout!

April 28, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rambly ramble: dating J3

Welp, the Sens didn’t win game 6, and now they’re out of the playoffs. Too bad, but that was a hell of a run they went on. Next year looks promising!

But in the meantime… as far as I’m concerned, hockey’s over. I’m aware that there’s still 2 Canadian teams left in the playoffs, but I just don’t care. I mean, I can’t bring myself to cheer for Montreal (especially after that cheap slash by Subban on Stone) – maybe I’ll root for Calgary. But as it stands, I doubt I’ll watch any more hockey until the Stanley Cup finals. And even then, I’ll probably only half-watch it anyway.

But whatevs – moving on. What’s going on? Had a date with J3 on Saturday. We went out to dinner, then – as I had the house to myself – we came back to my place and watched a movie. She stayed the night, which was nice – but then I had to drive her to work in the morning. Wowzers – she is very much a morning person, and I am very much not. I like hanging out with her, she’s fun to be around – but if I’m honest, she’s probably a bit fatter than I’d like. Still, there’s something about her that makes me wildly attracted to her – maybe it’s the hair, or her face, or her awesome, rockin’ tits. She’s intriguing in a way I find hard to describe – but still, I’ve learned my lessons from J2, so I’m still trying to take things slow, not look to far ahead, and just enjoy the moment whenever I’m with her. So far, so good.

However, since I’ve been seeing J3, I’ve been very lax in setting up other dates. I think I’ve mentioned this previously – but I’m very much an introvert, so I really enjoy my alone time. And in between living with people, seeing J3 once a week, and occasionally hanging out with my buddies, I’ve got a social life that, to me, is very satisfying. Thus, I’d much rather stay home by myself than go out on dates. I’m not too sure if this helps or hinders my issues – but I know in the back of my mind that if/when I’m done dating J3, I can go out on plenty more dates and find another girl to hang out with.

In the meantime, I’m trying to focus mostly on myself and my goals. I’m steadily making progress on the thesis – I’m working out regularly, I’m getting really good at piano – well, when I say really good, I mean really good for a total beginner. Yup, things are coming along. What I’d like to do better is spend less time surfing the internet – and more time working goals. The problem there, is that once I’ve finished my “To Do” list for the day, I get into the “relaxing” mindset, and don’t have any more ambition for the rest of the day. Maybe, the key is to schedule more tasks on my “To Do” list, so that I finish later in the evening. Well… we’ll see. I start my class next week, so I’m gonna be plenty busy with writing notes and working Tues/Thurs evenings.

Yeah – not to mention, April is almost over. Which means that most of May will be spent editing my thesis. Judging by how long it’s taken me to write it so far, I think I’ll probably defend sometime in the fall term. That’s not too bad – the fall is when I’d be applying for a post-doc position anyway, so I’m sure things will all work out.

Anyhoo – that’s a tight 15 right there. I saw Game of Thrones last night – it was pretty sweet, lots of doings a transpirin’. I’ll do a recap tomorrow.

April 27, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A lazy ramble about the same stuff I always ramble about

Another fabulous Friday is upon us! Sens play tonight, I’ve figured out a thing that was bugging me for my thesis, and I’m hooking up with J3 tomorrow. Life is good.

The only question that remains: what to write about?

I ‘unno… I’m getting pretty darn good at piano. I’ve only got one song left in my book to learn, then I can move onto a new book.

This book that I’m reading at the moment [ed: 100 years of solitude] is heartbreaking in so many different ways. The characters all seem to age but stay alive, and they each seem to take on a weird temperament that prevents them from achieving happiness. Well… I shouldn’t say that. Some characters appear to be happy – they’re loud, boisterous and gregarious, but maybe they’re just covering up for the loneliness they feel inside. The other thing is that I’m almost certain the story is some sort of parable and/or allegory – but I’m never good at picking up on those things. What I read is what I’m thinking happens in the book – and any sort of double meaning that the book is supposed to portray is lost on me.

Anyhoo… what else? I ‘unno… I’m satisfied with my dating issues with where they are. I’ll date J3 for the time being and see what happens. She’s into goals, so it may happen that she could be worth a long term investment – but I’m desperately trying not to think that far ahead. It is my nature to plan for the future – but one can’t plan for other people. With J2, I almost immediately started making long-term plans despite the fact that I didn’t know her very well. Hence, for J3, I plan to take my time to get to know her, make sure she’s fun to hang out with, and we’ll see if my anxiety manages itself. As it happens, my anxiety is pretty darn low when I’m with her – and especially when we’re apart, so I’d say that’s a pretty good sign. In any case, time will pass no matter what – just gotta keep working on my goals, day in, day out.

One thing I could be doing better is going to bed early. It takes me so long to fall asleep – usually an hour or more. If I went to bed earlier, I’d be able to get up around 8:00 and get going – I think I’d get more done that way. But I do like my alone time late at night – where I can smoke weed and play video games.

I’m quite sure my bedtime will regulate itself when I move back out on my own. When I was living on my own a couple years ago – I had a very solid routine, and I got 8 hours of sleep a night. But because I live with my parents, and because they’ve been subjected to 60 years of anti-cannabis propaganda, I’ve got to sneak around if I want to smoke a J. Such a bummer. In any case, I’ll be out on my own by the end of the year, and my sleep can get back to normal. In the meantime, I can enjoy sleeping in until 10:00 or so every morning, and just taking life easy.

That’s one thing that’ll reduce my anxiety – is just taking things easy. Like the hockey players say – don’t get too high, don’t get too low. Just try and enjoy my daily routine, and feel good about myself at the end of the day when I’ve got all my goals done.

Anyhoo – that’s a tight 15. Go Sens Go! Do or die baby! Wooo!

April 24, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

a ramble about pushing through the bleahs

The Sens won yesterday! A tight 1-0 win over the hated Montreal Canadiens. Next game on Friday. Gonna be great!

Meanwhile, I had two beer yesterday – along with a bunch of pizza and junk food – and man am I feeling it today. Plus, I stayed up late looking at stuff on the internet, so I’m amazed I’ve been able to day anything today. I guess that’s what self-discipline is – doing the stuff you know you should do, whether you feel like it or not. And I definitely do *NOT* feel like doing stuff today. Oh well – getting ‘er done. I’ll feel good about myself at the end of the day.

Anyhoo – writer’s blocked again. Can’t think of anything to write about – so I’ll write about me, that’s fascinating. I’ve done math and piano so far today, doing my writing now and reading afterwards. If I’m really good, I’ll go do a workout – I doubt very highly I’ll lift, but if I could even do 30 minutes of cardio, that’d be something. Then I’d have done some good things today towards all my goals, and that’d be pretty damn good for what I thought was gonna be a waste of a day.

I think that’s what happens – the more I work on my goals, the more reluctant I am to take a day off. When I’m wasting time in the morning, I don’t feel great later – because I know that time was wasted, and it could’ve been put to much more productive use.

That was the worst thing I did this morning. I got up at 8:00 in order to take my pills – and then I decided to do my goals, visualization and meditation before I went back to finish my sleep. All that should take about 45 minutes – but I wasted a good 30 minutes surfing the net. That was a poor decision I made when tired – as a result, I didn’t get back to sleep right away, and I woke up after my nap still groggy. Just a bleah way to start the day.

If I’m to achieve my health goals, I’ve got to learn how to say no to all the temptations that everyone else is indulging in – last night, for example, was beer and pizza. If I had had only one beer and one slice of pizza, that would’ve been better. But I had 3 slices of pizza, a couple beer, a bunch of chips and candy… stayed up late. Gleahhhaaah!!!

Oh well – live and learn, keep moving forward. Gonna get my reading done, do my cardio, shave and get all cleaned up, then go to bed early. That’s the best thing one can do after a bleah day – get cleaned up (very important) and go to bed early.

There’s something about cleaning that makes you feel better – whether it’s getting yourself clean, or cleaning up the space you live in. You just feel better afterwards – for one, you look better (which will make you feel better.) And if you clean up your space, then you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something, which is also good.

Plus, going to bed early – if you can force yourself to do it – is also really good. A great day starts with a good night’s sleep.

My problem is I don’t like going to bed early – especially in the summer – I like staying up late in the cool of the night, having time to myself, smoking weed and reading conspiracies on the internet. But if I want to achieve my goals, I must make the necessary sacrifices.

*long sigh* Meh. I’m sure I’ve said stuff like this before – but it takes a long time to internalize these messages and ideas. Just gotta keep working at it, everyday.

Welp – that’s close enough to 15 minutes. Big game tomorrow!

April 23, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about my great workout then a GoT recap

Welp, it’s do or die time tonight for the Sens. We’re having a big to-do in front of the big screen tonight with myself, my brothers, my dad and one of his friends (who’s pretty chill for an old dude.) Having pizza and beer – not gonna hit my calorie goals today!

Which is too bad – because I had a great workout. I switched up my program so that I alternate Squats and Deads every M/W/F – and today was deadlifts! They’re probably my favorite lift – and my form for deads is becoming damn near perfect. There’s nothing like a great workout to make you feel good! I was so happy with my form for my lifts today – those endorphins are just flowing through me. Good feelings!

I’m doing better at relaxing – my schedule now is get up at 8:00 to take my pills, then go right back to bed. I have trouble falling asleep, so I’ll lie in my comfy, comfy bed until my body decides I’m no longer tired. This sees me waking up around 9:30 – 10:00, but that’s ok. I grab a fresh cup of coffee, do my goals, and then get right to work on math. I’ve toyed with the idea of doing a workout first – but as math is my most important goal at the moment, I’ll do it first. Plus, as soon as I’m done math for the day, I get to go workout. In two weeks, I’ll be teaching every Tues/Thurs evening – which will be a bit of a drag – but for now, my evenings are to myself, and that’s the way I like it.

I think, when it comes to dating, once I’ve found a girl I like hanging out with, I lose all incentive for dating. I must say, I like being along most of the time. So seeing a girl once a week suits me just fine. If J3 goes out of town or something, I might look for a date on Tinder – but for now, I’m satisfied with seeing J3 once a week. I realize this puts me at a disadvantage, as I’m not meeting other girls – but dating is all about patience, so I’ll keep on keepin’ on and we’ll see where it gets me.

Anyhoo – some of my monthly goals are on track – I’ll almost certainly finish my thesis in rough by May 1st, I’ll likely be down 0.5% body fat by then, and I’ve saved $250 already. However, going to amateur night 4 times and having 5 new dates is right out the window. The trouble with amateur night 4 times is that if I miss once, then I can’t achieve my goal. I think I might be able to go again next week – so at least I’ll get halfway to my goal. And as long as I’m aiming towards a goal, I’ll get stuff accomplished. As for 5 new dates – well, I might have to re-evaluate my monthly love goals. But whatevs…

Anyhoo – let’s get to the GoT recap, shall we. I’ll try and list what happened to all the characters as much as I can  – this episode (episode 2) is all about getting everyone’s story on the go.

  • Tyrion and Varys are traveling to Mereen. They have a long-winded discussion about their purposes while they are traveling – and Varys is slowly pulling back Tyrion from despair in order to give him a cause to fight for.
  • Brienne and Pod run into Sansa and Petyr in a pub. Brienne offers Sansa her sword, but Sansa turns her down, showing allegiance to Petyr. In a fit, Brienne causes a ruckus and slays some of Petyr’s guards. Brienne and Pod vow to follow Sansa to make sure she’s not being taken advantage of by Littlefinger.
  • Cersei tries to seize control of the small council – she promotes Papa Tyrell to master of coin, kicks out maester whatshis face for Qyburn (the creepy necromancer, for lack of a better word.) Cersei offers hand of the king to Kevin Lannister, Tywin’s brother – but he declines, as he can easily sniff out what Cersei’s up to. Kevin rides back to Casterly Rock to sulk.
  • Meanwhile, in Dorne, we’re introduced to Oberyn’s brother – can’t remember his name – but he and Oberyn’s girlfriend and arguing about how best to avenge Oberyn’s death. (We’ll see more of the Dornish later – after all, they’ve got Cercei’s daughter.)
  • Arya and her magic coin get taken to the mysterious house with a half-black and half-white door. (Called the house of black and white.) After being refused entrance, she wiles away her time in a waterfront of Braavos – as she’s accosted by toughs, and looks to kill them with needle, the mysterious man from the house of black and white comes and takes her inside. The man later reveals himself to be J’aqen Hagar, the one who gave Arya the “Valar Morghulis” coin to begin with. It ends with Arya going inside the house. [Ed: I’m super stoked for Arya’s story!]
  • Finally, Daenerys is having trouble ruling Mereen. One of the freed slaves kills a master in revenge, and Daenerys has him executed to uphold her new laws. This results in a riot between the old masters and the freed slaves. Not going so well for Daenerys – but at the very end of the show, the lost dragon Drogon shows up!
  • Oh right – at the wall, Jon Snow is elected commander of the Night’s Watch. (As if there was any doubt.)

And that’s about it. All the stories are getting set up – we’ll see what Jon Snow does to handle Stannis’ demands and the red woman. Sunday is only a few days away!

April 22, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A meandering ramble about patience and feeling good

Ah, bloggity bloggity blog. That’s how I start when I don’t know what to write about.

Just another day. I seem to be doing better at developing patience – I got up this morning, started going about my goals, and I haven’t really stopped since then. I can appreciate that all my goals will take a long time to accomplish, and the best thing I can do is wring the most out of this wet towel of a day. Eventually, down the line, I will achieve all my goals – as long as I put in the work everyday.

I’m doing well with my workouts. Had another killer workout today – even though I was super sore and tired and easily could’ve skipped it. My thesis is coming along – it looks likely that I’ll get a rough draft done by may 1st. Maybe some of the “number of solutions” stuff might need to be scaled back, but that’s ok. I think my thesis will lead me to a post-doc position, as there’s a bunch more research I could be doing related to my main idea.

Piano is coming along – I’ve got a beginner piano book called “Alfred’s Basic Piano – Volume 1” and I can play just about every song in that book really well. I’ll be looking to get volume 2 soon – and I’d be willing to pay actual money to get it. This book has served me very well – I’d say I’m very proficient at the C, F & G major scales, as well as the standard blues chord progression in those scales. Right now, I’m working on the associated minor scales for C & F major – that is, A and D minor. I’m very happy with how things are going. In a few months when I’m out on my own, I’d seriously consider getting lessons. But I’ve done so well with this book, it’s tough to say. In any case, I’m super happy with how things are going – I love playing music and learning the piano is really fun now!

Writing is going ok – this blog is my primay writing outlet. I feel like my blog posts are better when I’ve got issues to work through – as I can write out my thoughts and gradually make sense of them. But are there issues I’ve got? I’m sure there are – I’ve got a need for an emotional and physical connection with someone special, and I’m working towards it. But right now, I’m just concentrating on looking after myself and not looking too far down the road. I’ll see J3 again on the weekend – and though I doubt we have serious long term potential, in the meantime, I can learn to relax and just enjoy her company for what it is. I’d say that’s my biggest issue with dating right now – it’s learning to develop patience in dating, learning how to enjoy the moment and not look too far ahead.

I suppose the other thing I should be focusing on is going on dates. I did set a goal for the month of april to go out on 5 dates – not too sure the dates with J3 count – so that goal looks tough to meet at this point. I think my problem is that I’m lazy when it comes to socializing. Well, maybe not lazy – but socializing takes a lot out of me. I’d much rather stay home and watch tv or play video games – at least, that’s my attitude when I’m dating someone. If it ends tomorrow with J3, then I’d probably go back to Tinder and hustling up some dates. But as it stands right now, I’m cool with how things are.

I think that means I’m doing well on my issues. I think I’ve internalized self-validation to some extent – in that I’m not particularly disturbed if I’m not seeing someone. Well, maybe I should say that when I’m not seeing anyone, and we’ll see how I feel. But today, I’m feeling pretty good about things. My thesis will get done, I’ll lose the weight I want to lose, I’ll get better at dating and meeting women, and I’ll learn how to play the piano.

I suppose one thing I could be doing better is being positive. I get too caught up with long-term problems and forget to focus on the short-term, i.e., what I could be doing today. But I’m wondering if this is stress caused by my pills – or my cognitive biases leads to this stress, which is magnified by the pills. Ah well…

Anyhoo, Ep 2 of GoT was last night. It wasn’t spectacular, but it did set up every story for the upcoming season. I’ll probably do a recap of that tomorrow. Happy Tuesday!

April 21, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A 4/20 ramble about goals, and I’m not even stoned

Welp, the Sens are down 3-0 in their series against Montreal. It’s not looking good for them – next game is Wednesday, so we’ll see how that goes.

Anyhoo – what’s going on? Today’s 4/20 and I’m not even high yet! What kind of travesty is that! It will be officially 4:20pm in 7 minutes – oh well, I’ll get stoned later.

Had a date with J3 on Saturday. Took her out to dinner then went back to her place. It was good. I’m still not overinvesting my feelings or putting her in the girlfriend role – just taking my sweet time, and so far, my anxiety is a lot less than it was. So that’s good.

On the other hand, I had a date setup for Sunday – but I was so tired from staying up late with J3 that I cancelled on her. That’s probably not a great decision – I should be keeping my options open and dating other women. But I seem to be matching with girls on Tinder on a regular basis, so I’m not terribly concerned.

One thing I am getting better at is developing patience. I realize that it will take a long time to achieve my goals, so I will focus on getting the most out of every day, and working hard until I finish my goals.

The one thing I am getting frustrated with is my thesis. Near the end of my thesis there’s a long section on a thing called “number of solutions” – which is an application of my work. But it’s super messy, and not at all elegant like my principal theory. I think I will basically get everything done in my thesis except for the “number of solutions” part, and then do that last. It’s probably the most tricky.

The rest of the thesis is looking good. I’m at 116 pages or so. I’d say I’ve got a majority of the information down, now it’s just a matter of editing and making sure I’ve got enough references. I will still try my damnedest to get a rough copy done by May 1st – especially since I’ll have to start writing notes for my summer class, which will take a fair amount of time.

What else? Haven’t watched the new episode of GoT yet – that’ll be tonight. I have been watching Daredevil – the Netflix version, and it’s pretty good. It’s gritty and realistic, so I like it – despite the (alleged) comedic persona of Foggy. Also, the actor who plays Daredevil is Irish, and that accent slips through from time to time. But aside from that, it’s pretty good. I mean, hey, it’s television – something to do at the end of the day when all my goals are done.

Because, lemme tell ya, after my workout today, I’m feeling like I need some vegging out time. I switched up my routine so that I do heavy lifts (squats or deadlifts) on MWF and medium lifts (bench, bo rows, seated press) on Tu/Th. I like the idea of lifting 5 days a week, but it can be tiring. My schedule right now is to get up – take my time waking up, do my goals, drink coffee, then do my workout. Once that’s done, I get started on my math for the day. Then do my fun stuff afterwards (piano, writing, reading), then I’ve got the rest of the day to myself.

But I’m thinking I should do a little math before my workout – something like, half the math that I need to do that day. Because math is my primary struggle during the day (as writing a thesis is very tedious), so I feel I need to break it up into manageable chunks. Further, if I have a killer workout and I’m useless for the rest of the day, then at least I’ve done something.

As always, though, I’m trying to develop self-discipline. So instead, I think I should be more focused on getting my goals done for the day rather than figuring out easier ways to do it. Well, I ‘unno… there’s no law that says I can’t work smarter, not harder. We’ll see…

Anyhoo, that’s 15. Have a cannabis-a-riffic 4/20!

April 20, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about being cheery and dating stuff

Didn’t get a blog in yesterday. Was up early, and tired as a result and feeling bleah. I think when I stay up late and/or smoke weed late at night, it doesn’t result in as good a sleep. I want to develop self-discipline in myself, and I think the best thing I can do to make my day better is go to bed early. So I think the best place to start with self-discipline training is the day before, and I’ll strive to center an evening routine about turning off the computer and going to bed early.

J3 stuff: I was planning on renting a hotel for the weekend so we could have some privacy, but her monthly visitor is here, so that’s been canceled. We’ll go out for tea or something instead, postpone the hotel to another night. That’s good for me in that I save a lot of money, but bad ’cause there’s no sex. As we both live with our families, it will be a challenge to find alone time together. But I had plenty of nights alone to myself all last summer, so I’m sure I’ll find time for us to be together. Right now I’m focusing on taking my time to get to know this girl, not invest my feelings too early, and not put her in the ‘girlfriend’ spot until she’s earned it.

Any other girls? I’ve got a date set for Sunday with J4. We’ll see how that goes. I think the last date I was on was with… wow, I can’t remember her name – or even codename, for that matter. Anyhoo, I think it’s been a few weeks. Just gotta focus on leaning back, not being too invested, but still being a playful sort. I’m definitely getting better at being playful – certainly less dour and serious. In any case, it’ll get me closer to achieving my goal of 5 dates for the month of April. I’d better hurry and get on that, because time is running out.

I was messaging with one girl on Tinder and she agreed to drinks, but I haven’t heard from her since, so I ‘unno what’s up with that. I’m assuming that as girls as simply inundated with messages on Tinder, I got lost in the shuffle. Oh well, the best thing I can do is keep living for myself – keep working on my goals, keep improving.

And the other thing I can do is cheer up. I think being cheerful is also a sign of developed patience – I’m not going to achieve my goals overnight, it takes many days of work strung together. The best thing I can do is focus on being consistent in my day-to-day tasks – but also being cheerful while I do them. I need to realize that, no matter what, time will pass. I can either spend that time surfing the internet looking at pictures of cats, or I can spend it on my goals – knowing that the cat pics will still be there at the end of the day.

Anyhoo – short one today. I kept drifting off thinking about stuff because of the cannabis. Sens playoffs tonight! Go Sens Go!

April 17, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment