Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Dating ramble: insecurity and sex

Ah – the wordpress layout is back to normal. This is pleasing to me, and possibly you – as I won’t be whining about it anymore.

Anyhoo, I ‘unno what it is about sex – but as soon as I have it, I start to get all needy. At least, that’s sort of the way I’m feeling today. I was talking with J3 a bit last night – and she’s into BDSM, so we’re talking about what turns us on and what kinks we have and stuff… And now I’m feeling a bit needy. Or maybe insecure, I’m not too sure. Maybe it’s the idea that I don’t want to lose this girl because of the sex? I ‘unno… It seems weird how I can go from being secure about this girl and where I stand with her, to insecure practically overnight. I guess I still have to look inward for validation – and although I’m doing better, I’m still not over my issues.

One thing I am doing better at is my anxiety. I’m not tremendously anxious about J3 – at least, not to the degree I was with J2. I think this is because I’m not rushing anything and I haven’t slotted her into a role that she hasn’t earned yet. So, I am making progress…

I think the other thing is that I haven’t had any recent matches on Tinder. So I’ve got no backup plan. I think that’s the part of me that wants to tackle all my problems immediately – and take action on whatever’s bothering me. I still have a ways to go with developing patience.

Anyhoo – I dunno why I immediately jump to destructive thoughts. My insecurities seem to be rearing their ugly head – and although nothing’s changed between J3 and I, I still feel insecure. Welp – one thing I’ve learned is that I’ll keep all that to myself. I will look internally to generate security with myself – it’s weird to me how sex can change my mindset. Maybe it’s also that it’s a gloomy day, so maybe I’m bummed because of that. Who knows? It’s the damndest thing…

In any case, I will keep pursuing my goals – keep working through my issues. Someday soon, I’ll be confident in myself and I won’t be affected by sex all that much. But for now, just gotta take it day by day – try and relax, and keep myself busy.

Welp – the good news is that I did a workout today. I’ve been slacking a little bit due to sleep issues – so I made sure to go to bed early last night, and I had a killer workout today. However, I’m feeling pretty exhausted from my workout. Life, eh?

In other news – the Sens beat the Rangers last night, so they’ve got a really good chance of making the playoffs. Wow! Wouldn’t that be something – especially since I essentially gave up on this team awhile back. Shut my mouth – let me just skin my knees hopping back on the bandwagon. Tomorrow the Sens play the Flyers – and if they get a single point, they’re in the playoffs. Tomorrow’s gonna be a hell of a game!

What else – this book (100 years of solitude) I’m reading just keeps getting more and more strange. But there’s something about the way it’s written – whenever I start reading it, it’s as if I’m sucked into the hot, dream-like state that the characters seem to be enveloped in. It’s written in a magical realism style – which means I really have to pay attention, because it’s also set in about 1880 or so – and it’s tricky to tell what’s just an old-timey device, and what’s really magic. In any case, I’m loving this book so far.

Anything else? I’m on Season 3 of The Walking Dead. That show is catastrophically stupid – but I can’t turn away! It’s super intense too – since anyone could die at any moment.

Speaking of anyone dying at any moment – Game of Thrones is back on Sunday! Wooo! I’m super stoked for that. My buddy gave me a special GoT-inspired beer for Christmas, and I’ve been saving it especially for the season premiere. Oh man, I don’t want to oversell it, but it’s going to be better than 10 superbowls!

I might even take a picture of me with my beer and post in on Instagram! How else will people know I watched the season premiere.

Anyhoo, that’s a tight 15. No dates this weekend – so posts might be a bit slackadaisical. But if anything blogworthy happens, or if I need to talk through some more of my insecurities, you’ll be the first to hear about it.

Have an awesome weekend!

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April 10, 2015 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , ,

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