Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

I would say I handled that… poorly. Ramble about breaking up with J3 and future goals

Welp, I don’t think I handled the breakup particularly well. J3 texted me asking if this was a “we need to talk” call and I said yes. Then later she texted if this was a good or bad talk, and I said bad. Finally, she texted me asking if I needed to end things with her, and although my instinct was to text back for her to call me, instead I texted “yes.” And she texted back, “Ok done.” And that was it. A bit later, she called me wanting to know my reasons (for closure), and I said that, based on her actions, I felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore. She said “fine” and I haven’t heard from her since.

In retrospect, I think I could’ve handled things a bit better. After she texted me with the “is this a we need to talk” text, I should’ve said yes, then just waited for her to call. I think feeding her the gradual truth through text was the cowards way out. I wasn’t looking forward to the breakup call, but I think I should’ve just sacked up and done it, rather than the terse, text message way I handled it.

Ah well… there’s plenty more breakups to come, and I’m sure eventually I’ll get better at handling it.

Anyhoo, I was a bit bummed yesteday – mostly because when J3 called, I could tell she was upset, and it’s no fun making other people sad. Regardless, I’ve got to prioritize my happiness over anyone else’s, and so I’ll move forward and try to learn a lesson for the next time.

I’m less bummed today – it’s fun having someone to text and looking forward to seeing them again and cuddling and sex is great. But ultimately, I don’t think we were going to last anyway. I was thinking about breaking up with her a couple weeks ago, and so now it’s done and I can move forward.

So now I’m single again… and I do like the thought of being alone. I very much like the idea of locking myself in my room and working on my thesis until it’s finished. Except that I’ve been pretty lazy today when it comes to math. Of course, today I teach my class in the evening, which is somewhat exhausting, so I think that probably plays a role in my laziness.

Anyhoo, now that I’m single again, I have the opportunity to develop patience. As I’ve stated many times, I would like to make a deep, emotional connection with a special girl. However, these things don’t happen overnight – so instead I will focus on becoming the best “me” I can be. If this means I go without a date for a couple weeks, or I have to face rejection by hitting on women, then so be it. But for now, I think I’ll take a little break from all that to get over J3.

Or will I? One thing I know is that, unless I’m working on my goals, I’ll quickly become bored and/or frustrated. Taking a day off to watch tv or play video games all day doesn’t hold that same appeal that it once did. I do like relaxing in the evening by watching TV and playing Hearthstone – but doing that all day? Man, what a waste of a day?

I think my current problem is finishing my thesis. I’ve got basically everything written down and now I’ve got to go through the manuscript and edit it. This is sort of boring – it’s actually really boring to write a paper. The fun part of math is the research – discovering a wild new theorem, or proving something brand new. That’s fun! Writing down what you did in intricate detail, doing a literature review, crossing the i’s and dotting the t’s [sic] – that’s tedious. And that’s where I am now in my thesis.

However, I know that I’ve got to get it done. So I think I will have to set a daily goal along the lines of “edit 4 pages a day” or something like that, so I can be done in a month. Actually, that’s not a bad idea – currently, for my notes, I’ve got a daily goal of “3 pages of notes a day” – which is doable. So if I add onto that 4 pages of editing, that means that my daily math has a limit. Which is good, because working with no set target in mind is a great way to burn out.

Boom! There we go – thank heavens for this blog. It’s a lot easier for me to figure out solutions to my problems if I just start typing. Generally, I’ll start these posts with no idea where I’ll end up. But they do help me sort through my issues and help me discover how to better attack my goals. So that’s all good good good!

If you’re reading these posts, I hope they’re helping you too. In some small way. At the very least, I hope they inspire you to create some goals for yourself and take action. If nothing else, you can enjoy all my dating failures along the way to my inevitable successes.

Advertisements

May 14, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment