Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A bleah ramble about feeling tiredly bleah

Having a tough time gettin’ ‘er goin’ today.

It’s a bummer when I wake up after (what I thought was) a nice sleep, and I’m bone tired. Listless. Draggin’ my bones around the room.

I don’t understand it – I assume it’s probably a side effect of the pills I’m on, but it’s still a bummer. Maybe I need to drink more coffee or something, I ‘unno.

Anyhoo – it’s always a tough day when I get this tired. I’ve managed to do a little bit of math and some piano, so it’s not all bad – and I’m doing my writing, and I’ll do my reading – but I doubt very highly I’ll do a workout. Still somewhat a productive day, but it doesn’t really feel like it.

I think the reason it doesn’t feel productive, is because I don’t have a whole lot of energy. I like it much better when I’m able to get up and get going. And it hasn’t been that way today – I’ve been sluggishly making my way through my chores, feeling all bleah. Luckily, I was able to reschedule my date tonight to Thursday – so, that’s good.

I had my little talk with J3 last night. She seems to be pretty big into BDSM – well, no such much the sadism/masochism, from what I understand, but domination/submission. Which is good, because I’m into that stuff as well. But I think that’s best expressed when there’s a certain level of trust established, which can only happen over time. Which is what I’ll tell her when I speak with her tonight. I certainly don’t want to commit to anything right now until I know more about her character. That was certainly a mistake I made with J2 which I don’t want to make again.

Man – I been drifting off this whole post. Feelin’ pretty tired and uninspired. Just one of those bleah days, I suppose. I’ma see if I can go to bed early again – but get up early, and drink more coffee. We’ll see how well that will work for me.

Oh – and I watched Game of Thrones season premiere last night. It was pretty much the exact opening of Book 5, so there was nothing terribly revelatory for me. But it was still awesome, because we’ve got GoT back!

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April 14, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A grey, dreary goals ramble

Bleah. I was sick yesterday, and still sorta am today. And it’s a grey, rainy day out, and I’m just feeling bleah.

However, the good news is that I’ll soon be better, and I can get back to working on my goals. Lately, I’ve found that I’ve been uninspired. I think this is because I’m so very close to achieving my PhD goal. I’ve read that it’s often very hard to complete a task 100%, and people usually stop at 90% or 95% done. I think that’s what I’m feeling. My thesis will take another month (or more) to write, and I’m not really super-stoked about that. So what I plan to do, today, is what I’ve been threatening to do for awhile now, and that’s write out my goals, complete with mini-goals along the way. Of course, I will do this off-site – and you’ll probably hear about it tomorrow. But for now, totally bleah.

I think I probably just need one more good sleep to get back to normal. I don’t feel nauseated or have a sore throat, just no energy, and my muscles are weirdly sore. I ‘unno. Maybe get to bed early tonight and see how that works for me.

But in the meantime we’ve got to get this blog post written.

I ‘unno what to write about. Not much going on. I was sick all yesterday – didn’t do anything on Saturday aside from play Factorio. (Aside: Oh man, Factorio is soooo addictive. It’s all about creating supply chains to automate stuff – sounds dull, and probably would be were I a normal person. But I’m a mathematician, so my weirdness quotient is allowed to be super high.) Anyhoo, once I create goals for myself, taking a day off seems like such a waste. It’s hard to enjoy the things I once did, mostly ’cause I feel guilty for not working on my goals. I think setting up monthly mini-goals will help – for if I achieve all my daily goals, then I don’t need to feel guilty about enjoying my time off.

The ideal day, according to (I think) Ben Franklin, is 8 hours of work, 8 hours of play and 8 hours of sleep. What I think I’ll go back to is getting all my goals accomplished first thing – and then once all the items on my “ToDo” list are checked off, I’ll begin the serious task of playing video games, etc… I very much enjoy the idea of a rigid, daily schedule. That’s why I think I’d do so well in the army – they tell you exactly what you have to do, you just have to show up.

Meh – it’s no fun being sick – or without energy. I haven’t worked out since Wednesday. I took Thursday off because I was tired from waking up in the morning – and then I went out at night with J3, and that followed through to Friday, but then I went out Friday with collegues and so that carried through to Saturday, and then yesterday I was sick. It’s funny how skipping one workout can lead to terrible results. I’m looking forward to feeling better and getting back at it.

Oh well – one of the things I definitely need to work on is patience towards my goals. I want to be in peak physical condition TODAY! I want a deep emotional connection with someone, TONIGHT!! I want to have my PHD, TOMORROW!! I will gradually learn the lesson of patience. One thing I will start trying is 15 minutes of meditation in the mornings. Currently, I do 15 minutes of visualization with respect to my goals. I think I will add 15 minutes of meditation afterwards. I keep reading about the benefits of meditation – including a sense of well being, a sense of calm and acceptance. I think I need that in my life. With my artificial anxiety, I can use all the help I can get in establishing a sense of calm.

I would also like to establish a better sense of purpose. I keep wasting time surfing the net and/or playing with my phone when I should be working. I need to get better at head-down math and keeping my mind focused on work. I think meditation can probably help with this as well.

Anyhoo – that’s a cool 15. No dates lined up for this week – but it’s Easter weekend, so that might be tough to do. I’m seeing J3 next week, so that’s cool. She’s fun to be around, pretty and a great kisser. So there’ll certainly be a report about that in the coming future.

March 30, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment