Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A ramble about the thesis

Well, I was pretty slackadaisical yesterday with my writing. Tell you the truth, after my workout I spent the rest of the day working on my thesis. I think that’s probably what’s gonna happen on MWF from now on. Get up – do my notes for class, exercise, then spend the rest of the day working on my thesis. Lemme tell ya – a thesis is a very time-consuming thing. Especially a math one – my thesis is about 140 pages at the moment, and I’m in the process of going through each page, cleaning up the language, making sure things make sense, adding in explanation wherever necessary, adding sources… Guh. It takes a long time. But it’s the one huge obstacle I have to overcome before I can get my PhD, get a good job, and move outta my  parents house, so that’ll be my main focus for the next little while.

My secondary focus is exercise. My diet has been on point for the past couple days, and I’m committed to staying below 2000 calories every day. One habit I picked up is having a fruit & vegetable smoothie at the end of the day. I make my smoothie with coconut water, and then a bunch of green vegetables and fruit. It tastes… y’know, vegetable-y. But it’s a great way to get  a lot of vitamins, plus it’s a good meal to have at the end of the day. I start my day with a protein shake with vegetable powder, and I end it with more fruits and vegetables. I’m sure that’s probably good for me. And I have two meals in between – oatmeal and peanut butter, and eggs and sausage. In between the eggs and sausage and my protein shake, I get close to 75g of protein a day – which is my limit as protein is hard on the kidney.

Anyhoo, there’s not much else going on. Tonight I’m teaching my class – and it’s going ok so far. But man, it sure seems like a lot of those kids are bored during class. I don’t get it! Math is exciting! Maybe I feel this way because I’m a mathematician.

What else? Well – I guess I never actually wrote down my 5 week goals like I said I was going to. I think I might make me some June goals – as I think I did well in April when I had 5 specific targets to shoot for. And June is right around the corner, so that seems like a logical progression. Ok, that’s the plan!

Umm… Yeah. Not too much else going on. My main focuses day to day are getting my exercise in, then spending the rest of the day working on math. And in the evenings, I hit the bong in order to make the tediousness of writing a thesis more tolerable.

I’m hoping that by the end of the summer, I’ll be done my thesis. It really takes a lot longer than I was expecting – plus I was dilly-dallying a bit at the beginning of May – getting adjusted to my new class and whatnot. But now it’s all math all the time. Gotta couple months of hard, tedious work and then I’ll get my friggin PhD. Like in goals, I have to resist the temptation to quit at 95% done – and instead worry about finishing strong. Plowing through this thesis, defending the sucker, and then living the easy life of a professor.

Well, we’ll see how long it takes me to become a prof. There’s always the option of going to work for the government. But, having worked in an office, I’d much rather take a low salary in exchange for loads of free time. The odds of me working a 9-5 office job are pretty goddamn slim at this point.

Anyhoo – that’s a tight 15. Maybe another ramble tomorrow – maybe the next one is on Tuesday. We’ll see!


May 28, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Diet ramble – recognizing my sticking points

Welp, I had a near perfect day yesterday. Did all my math, exercise, piano, writing, reading, etc…. I even worked straight up until 8:00pm like I wanted, without any distractions or nothing. However, the one setback I had was with my diet. GodDAMN is it hard to resist cravings. I’ll go fine until the evening, and then I’ll see a kitchen full of delicious goodies, and I’ll start with, “I’ll just have one rice krispie square.” And then BOOM – before you know it, I’m chowing down on all sorts of garbage and the diet day is ruined.

Welp, now that I’ve got that in mind, I will remain extra vigilant tonight. I’ll make sure that I eat something healthy when I get home from class, and then STOP EATING. It’s super-easy for me to overeat – I’m on prednisone which gives me an insatiable appetite. Thus, if I’m to develop self-discipline, I should start with my diet – and that means overcoming my biggest challenge and not snacking at night.

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty sick of working out everyday and having nothing to show for it. I’m just gonna have to suck it up, drink some more water, and go to bed hungry. If I can develop that habit, then pretty soon my body will reflect my decisions. I just have to endure the cravings.

One thing I could do is use social media. This is where my instagram and youtube subscriptions will come in handy. I think that, whenever I’m feeling like snacking, or my brain gets to a point where it says, “Fuck it – we can start the diet tomorrow!” That’s when I’ll start surfing instagram or checking out my youtube fitness subscriptions. It’s when I’m feeling these cravings that I need motivation. And so seeing all those lean, fit bodies will (hopefully) motivate me to stay on my diet, avoid pigging out on junk food, and staying the course.

That’s a big thing when it comes to goals – is determination. Never giving up. I should take that message to heart. Say, if I have a bad diet morning and go heavy on the calories – usually I take that as a sign that there’s no point in dieting for the rest of the day, and I’ll pig out. Instead, if I eat a little too much – I should not quit, and try and diet my best for the rest of the day.

I think I was in here yesterday complaining about the same things. Well, this time I mean it! Now that I’m aware of my snacking struggles in the evening, it will be a bit easier to deal with them – I know that right now, that’s my biggest sticking point for my diet, and so every night I’ll try and avoid snacking.

Yeah, I would say diet, exercise and thesis are my top 3 priorities at the moment. If I can exercise everyday, keep to a healthy diet the majority of the time, and do my thesis in the evening, then everything will work out fine.

That’s the other thing about goals – is that I have to have patience. Just one night of not eating everything in sight will not yield abs. I have to eat at a caloric deficit over a long, consistent period of time in order to get down to my target body fat percentage. Maybe it’ll be easier now that it’s the summer – and when it’s super hot out, I don’t really have an appetite. But nevertheless, I will work on developing patience, and never giving up.

Anyhoo – what else? Today’s a teaching day, so no smoking weed until after class. Lemme tell ya, when I get home I’m gonna have an epic sesh – got a brand new episode of American Dad to watch. I’m gonna clean out my bong, get some ice-cold water loaded up, and then enjoy a cool bowl of cannabis and relax for the rest of the evening. Ah, wonderful.

But in the meantime, I’ve got a couple hours to kill before class. Tuesday’s are the worst – I have to be on campus at 5:30 for my office hours. However, it’s super rare that anyone shows up for office hours, so I mainly use it to surf the internet. I ‘spose I could be doing something more productive – but meh, whaddya gonna do. It’s stressful enough talking for 90 minutes in front of kids who definitely don’t want to be there. I think teaching would be a lot better if I were teaching math to mathematicians, as they’d be at least interested in the material. These engineers, they all look up at me with bored, dead eyes and world-weary sighs.

Oh well – a job’s a job. And less than 10 hours of work a week isn’t bad at all.

May 26, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about anxiety and health goals

Ugh – I know I said I was going to write about goals today, but we’ll see how that goes. For some reason, I’m shaking with anxiety this morning. Dunno why – maybe I’m slightly stressed about something, and as a result of my elevated cortisol levels, my body is reacting poorly. It’s been a tough morning – a knot in my stomach, feeling jagged and tough to concentrate. I think I’ll see the doc about something for anxiety, because this ain’t a good feeling.

Well, I’m sure I’ll feel a bit better after I exercise. But that’s not a great long term solution – unless I start working out in the morning, which I suppose I could start doing. There’s always smoking a joint – but that’s not great for productivity. (I assume that’s what I’ll be doing later.)

Gotta write about something – gotta push through this feeling until it’s gone. What’s good? Well, I’m getting much better at piano. I’m currently working on perfecting the easy version of The Entertainer by Scott Joplin. It’s starting to sound good – and I think I’ll have it down pat within a week or so.

What else? The Sens are doing well. They’re 1 point back from a wildcard position with 2 games in hand on Boston, the team currently occupying the final wildcard spot. If the Sens win tonight, they’ll be in a playoff position. So hooray for the local sports concern!

I suppose if I were to write about my health goals, I’d first focus on my ultimate goal, which is: to have my own kidney, to be in peak physical condition, to have healthy, blemish-free skin, to have shiny white teeth and fresh breath, to be able to fall asleep 5 minutes after I go to bed, and to be bursting with energy all day.

Now, if that’s my ultimate goal, in order to achieve it I would need to specify exactly what I mean by, say, “peak physical condition”. Because, when it comes to health goals, it’s all about doing those little things, day in and day out, which result in a healthy lifestyle. For me, I suppose my focus should be my diet. I’ve been having a poor diet for the past couple weeks, so that’s what I’ll focus on. I’m doing well with workouts – very consistent, usually 4 or 5 per week. I think the first thing I want to accomplish for my health is to get super fit. That means something like 10-12% body fat (which may or may not be achievable, given my medical condition.) So that’s what I’ll focus on – losing weight. That’ll be my first mini-goal.

After that, which can only be achieved through a healthy diet and consistent exercise, then everything else should be easier to accomplish. I imagine I’ll be able to fall asleep quicker if I’m exercising everyday and eating a healthy diet – my skin should improve, my energy should sky-rocket. My teeth – well, I just have to keep brushing and flossing everyday like I do. I’ll see about getting them whitened – I feel that they’re a bit stained due to the fact that I drink black coffee. So I won’t really worry about those until I’ve achieved my weight loss goal.

Ultimately, I don’t really care about how much I weigh, what I care about is that my belly fat is all gone. (Again, this may or may not be achievable due to my medical condition.) But my focus for the next little while will be on maintaining a strict diet. I’m confident I’ll keep working out like I have been – but with a better diet, that weight will come flying off. (Well, not flying off, but it’ll inevitably come off due to science. Calorie out > calorie in; that’s all I care about.)

Anyhoo – I think I may also be a bit bummed due to lack of sunlight. Luckily, the weather is improving and good times are right around the corner. Tell that to my shaky body though, ’cause it don’t believe you.

March 23, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

A ramble about my unproductive morning

Man O man has I been unproductive today. Didn’t do any math this morning, spent most of the morning surfing the internet and playing on my phone. I was thinking about skipping my workout, but now that I’m writing I think I’ll probably do it.

Here’s what I’ve done today so far goal wise: did my goals and visualizations this morning, did my journal and Zen reading, did the dishes, took my pills and vitamins… and 30 minutes of piano. And that’s about it. I should be spending the majority of my time doing my thesis.

Oh well, i think I will try and start doing 60 solid minutes of thesis first thing in the morning. That way I don’t have to worry about getting up early, I can just do my hour as soon as I wake up, and then the rest of the day is mine.

This thesis will likely take, oh, I ‘unno, 100 hours? 200 hours? The proof is all done, it’s just a matter of writing it up.

When it comes to goals, it’s all about daily consistency. So I won’t even worry about completing the thing. Instead, I’m going to focus on doing my math every day, first thing in the morning. And by doing just a little each day, before I know it I’ll be done.

And yeah! I will go do my workout after this. Even though I don’t want to, I know I’ll enjoy it after I get started. I can listen to the greatest song in the world, “Dopesmoker” by Sleep, and watch some sporting event on tv. Then a few circuits of core and that’s it.

I should say, I flexed in the mirror the other day, and I was looking a lot better than I did. I still have a steroid belly, but my chest and back and shoulders are all a lot more defined than they used to be. So my regular exercise is paying off. But more important than that, my diet is paying off. I previously did a 2-week diet challenge with my dad – where each of us sticks to our diet or owes the other guy $100 – so my weight is down. In fact, if I check my goal book – I see that on Jan 5 I weighed in at 169lbs at 17.5% body fat. And yesterday, I weighed in at 168lbs, at 16.7% bodyfat. Oh, so maybe my weight isn’t down so much – but I’m looking a lot better’n’d I did.

Anyhoo, that’s a sloppy 15 minute ramble. Time to get back on the horse and go exercise!

I’m sure that after I do my workout, I will attempt to continue on and work on my goals. Because that’s the way it goes with goals. Fail some. Get up, keep going.

February 19, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

McRambles with Sausage

“All riiiiight!”


I’m loving the voice work on Bob’s Burgers. One of the shows “schticks” is that many of the female voices are voiced by men. In particular, Linda Belcher (pictured above) is voiced by John Roberts, who’s just some guy. But he’s managed to create this sort of New-York-ish matron type of voice that’s pretty hilarious. It’s also a bit nasally, which is one of the characteristics of an inherently funny voice. So yeah, digging Bob’s Burgers!

It’s well known that back in Shakespeare’s time, only men could perform on stage. So this led to men playing all women’s parts. When you think about it, I could see how this would be great for Shakespearean comedies. After all, what do British people find screamingly funny? Man in a dress.

But the tragedies – I think the tragedies would’ve played better if some hot dame was playing the lead. So that when MacBeth’s wife eggs him on to murder the king (or whatever, I haven’t read MacBeth in years), the audience can understand why MacBeth could’ve been seduced. It would play a lot different with some ugly dude trying to get MacBeth to off the king. “Hey, MacBeth, off the king and I’ll have sex with you!” – “Uhhh, not hanks[sic].”

Oh yea – “Not Hanks[sic]” is how I say “No thanks” now. Why? ‘Cause I strive to be impenetrable in my speech and mannerisms. (There was some post on reddit about some guy trying to say “no thanks” but instead wrote “not hanks” and some wag put a picture of Tom Hanks looking shocked at his non-inclusion. I guess you had to be there.)


Not Hanks

Anyhoo, yeah I said Reddit was soma – but I forgot about my addictive nature, and how great soma is. My big problem is that I surf the web in the morning – I’ve been going at a good clip for now, but I need to get back on track for the morning.

What else… Sens play tonight! I’m hoping they can get back on track after dropping their last match on Saturday against the Rangers. Mark Stone got injured in practice, so they called up Stephane DaCosta. I’m hoping DaCosta creates some offense and plays a 200 foot game, so he can get on a roll. But then again, he plays center – and the Sens are already jam packed at the center position, so maybe he’s being showcased for a trade with a winger. We’ll see? Which teams are thin down the middle I wonder?

What else? More about MEE!?!?!? Sure – I went to the hospital this morning to give blood. (I have to go every few months, I had a kidney tranplant as a teen.) Whatever, I’m not squeamish about blood or peeing in a cup, but it always takes at least 30 minutes to get it done. (Longer if I go after 7:20.) But for a good 10 years now, whenever I’ve gone to the hospital, I always go out to McDoonalls [sic] for breakfast every morning. Hey, if I’m going to go to the hospital, I might as well get a treat.

But I’m still on my New Years diet – which means only taking in a maximum of 2000 calories a day. I knew that going into McDoonalls, but I got 3 sausage McGriddles anyway. God I love McGriddles. But KABLAMMO! That’s 1650 total calories – 550 calories each! So that pretty much does it for my calories for the day. And I’ve got an appointment with my trainer at the gym in the morning. Oh well, it was worth it!

That’s 15 minutes for me – keep on ramblin’.

January 21, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment