Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

Game of Thrones recap; Season 5, episode 3

Well, I look to be in line to meet a majority of my April goals. I’ll hit my Health, and Fortune goals – get about 90% of that Math goal done – but not so well for Love and Fame. For love, I had plenty of dates, but they were all with J3 – so I’ll have to tailor those goals for May to better reflect my reticence towards dating more than one person at a time. For Fame, I did go to amateur night once – so I only met about 25% of my goal, but that’s still better than nothing. In fact, it’s infinitely better. So, all in all, a pretty good April. I feel better about my goals knowing I had targets to aim for, and in general I feel like I had a productive month. Now onto the May flowers!

Now then – what to write about. My weekdays are pretty routine nowadays – get up, do my goals, do math, do my workout, do piano, do my writing and reading, then do a bit more math until about 8 or 9 at which point it’s time to relax. So I don’t really want to ramble about all the stuff I’ve rambled about already. Ooh, I know – I can do a Game of Thrones recap.

Episode 3 recap – bullet point style, in no particular order.

  • In King’s Landing, a fanatical religious order calling themselves “The Sparrows” have seen fit to judge all the wicked sinners in town. This includes the high priest of the town, who’s shamed after he’s been caught visiting a brothel. Cersei goes and seeks out the leader of the Sparrows (played by Jonathan Pryce!) in order to find out what he wants. A bit of a stalemate ensues, and there’s more to be seen from this encounter.
  • In the house of Black and White, Arya isn’t doing much more besides sweeping the floor, and not really knowing why she’s there. She sees a guy come into the temple only to drink from a cup given to him by J’aqen Hagar, and then die. In order to become a faceless man, Arya must give up all her worldly possessions. She goes down to the docks and dumps everything in the water, except for Needle, which she stores under some rocks. Gradually, she learns more about this weird place, and helps a girl in the temple prepare bodies for burial.
  • Meanwhile, at Moat Cailin, Littlefinger promises Sansa’s hand in marriage to Ramsey Bolton. It would appear that Ramsey Bolton and Petyr Baelish have made an alliance against the Lannisters – although it’s an uneasy alliance, as neither man trusts the other. Sansa, for her part, is doing her best to play the dutiful wife – but in the back of her mind she knows that Roose Bolton killed her brother at the red wedding, so I’m sure she’s got some vengeful plans of her own. (It’s interesting to note that Roose Bolton has several daughters, but only one son… and the death of an heir would make for some damn good vengeance. Not sure if that’s what happens… but just saying.)
  • Brienne and Pod are skulking around outside Moat Cailin. And inside Moat Cailin is Theon – he definitely remembers Sansa, and from his brief episode of acting as Theon in order to win the castle, it’s likely that he and Sansa will cross paths eventually.
  • At the wall, Jon Snow has been elected Lord Commander, and is looking to assert his authority. Janos Slynt, the coward that hid with Gilly during the fight with the wildlings, defiantly disobeys an order given by Snow. Jon gives Janos a chance to follow the order, but Janos remains defiant. With a sad look on his face (the usual Jon Snow look), Snow takes Slynt out into the courtyard and executes him. The man who passes the sentence swings the sword.
  • Finally, Tyrion and Varys take a break from travelling cross country to stretch their legs in a local town. While there, Tyrion gets capture by Jorah “Friendzone” Mormont. Surely this will win the Queen’s heart! Eh Jorah?

And that’s about all I remember. Gonna be a hell of an episode come Sunday!


April 30, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about my great workout then a GoT recap

Welp, it’s do or die time tonight for the Sens. We’re having a big to-do in front of the big screen tonight with myself, my brothers, my dad and one of his friends (who’s pretty chill for an old dude.) Having pizza and beer – not gonna hit my calorie goals today!

Which is too bad – because I had a great workout. I switched up my program so that I alternate Squats and Deads every M/W/F – and today was deadlifts! They’re probably my favorite lift – and my form for deads is becoming damn near perfect. There’s nothing like a great workout to make you feel good! I was so happy with my form for my lifts today – those endorphins are just flowing through me. Good feelings!

I’m doing better at relaxing – my schedule now is get up at 8:00 to take my pills, then go right back to bed. I have trouble falling asleep, so I’ll lie in my comfy, comfy bed until my body decides I’m no longer tired. This sees me waking up around 9:30 – 10:00, but that’s ok. I grab a fresh cup of coffee, do my goals, and then get right to work on math. I’ve toyed with the idea of doing a workout first – but as math is my most important goal at the moment, I’ll do it first. Plus, as soon as I’m done math for the day, I get to go workout. In two weeks, I’ll be teaching every Tues/Thurs evening – which will be a bit of a drag – but for now, my evenings are to myself, and that’s the way I like it.

I think, when it comes to dating, once I’ve found a girl I like hanging out with, I lose all incentive for dating. I must say, I like being along most of the time. So seeing a girl once a week suits me just fine. If J3 goes out of town or something, I might look for a date on Tinder – but for now, I’m satisfied with seeing J3 once a week. I realize this puts me at a disadvantage, as I’m not meeting other girls – but dating is all about patience, so I’ll keep on keepin’ on and we’ll see where it gets me.

Anyhoo – some of my monthly goals are on track – I’ll almost certainly finish my thesis in rough by May 1st, I’ll likely be down 0.5% body fat by then, and I’ve saved $250 already. However, going to amateur night 4 times and having 5 new dates is right out the window. The trouble with amateur night 4 times is that if I miss once, then I can’t achieve my goal. I think I might be able to go again next week – so at least I’ll get halfway to my goal. And as long as I’m aiming towards a goal, I’ll get stuff accomplished. As for 5 new dates – well, I might have to re-evaluate my monthly love goals. But whatevs…

Anyhoo – let’s get to the GoT recap, shall we. I’ll try and list what happened to all the characters as much as I can  – this episode (episode 2) is all about getting everyone’s story on the go.

  • Tyrion and Varys are traveling to Mereen. They have a long-winded discussion about their purposes while they are traveling – and Varys is slowly pulling back Tyrion from despair in order to give him a cause to fight for.
  • Brienne and Pod run into Sansa and Petyr in a pub. Brienne offers Sansa her sword, but Sansa turns her down, showing allegiance to Petyr. In a fit, Brienne causes a ruckus and slays some of Petyr’s guards. Brienne and Pod vow to follow Sansa to make sure she’s not being taken advantage of by Littlefinger.
  • Cersei tries to seize control of the small council – she promotes Papa Tyrell to master of coin, kicks out maester whatshis face for Qyburn (the creepy necromancer, for lack of a better word.) Cersei offers hand of the king to Kevin Lannister, Tywin’s brother – but he declines, as he can easily sniff out what Cersei’s up to. Kevin rides back to Casterly Rock to sulk.
  • Meanwhile, in Dorne, we’re introduced to Oberyn’s brother – can’t remember his name – but he and Oberyn’s girlfriend and arguing about how best to avenge Oberyn’s death. (We’ll see more of the Dornish later – after all, they’ve got Cercei’s daughter.)
  • Arya and her magic coin get taken to the mysterious house with a half-black and half-white door. (Called the house of black and white.) After being refused entrance, she wiles away her time in a waterfront of Braavos – as she’s accosted by toughs, and looks to kill them with needle, the mysterious man from the house of black and white comes and takes her inside. The man later reveals himself to be J’aqen Hagar, the one who gave Arya the “Valar Morghulis” coin to begin with. It ends with Arya going inside the house. [Ed: I’m super stoked for Arya’s story!]
  • Finally, Daenerys is having trouble ruling Mereen. One of the freed slaves kills a master in revenge, and Daenerys has him executed to uphold her new laws. This results in a riot between the old masters and the freed slaves. Not going so well for Daenerys – but at the very end of the show, the lost dragon Drogon shows up!
  • Oh right – at the wall, Jon Snow is elected commander of the Night’s Watch. (As if there was any doubt.)

And that’s about it. All the stories are getting set up – we’ll see what Jon Snow does to handle Stannis’ demands and the red woman. Sunday is only a few days away!

April 22, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

GoT Season 5 episode 1 quick recap – but first, a little ramble about my stuff

Playoff hockey baby! Woo! The mighty Ottawa Senators play game 1 of the eastern conference quarter-finals tonight against the Montreal Canadiens. We didn’t get playoff hockey last year, so I’m gonna make the most of it this year! Woo!

Anyhoo – much more energy today. Instead of trying to get right into action, I started slow, made sure I took my time, drank a bunch of coffee, and generally had a relaxed morning. I like the idea of getting up and getting going – but a slow start is fine too. I got my math done, did my workout, done my piano and I’m well on my way to getting all my goals accomplished tonight before the game. So things are looking good.

On the dating front, J3 and I seem to be on the same page about things, so that’s good. I still want to take things slow – but we’ll spend Saturday night together, alone… and naked for most of that time. So that’ll be fun. One thing concerns me so far is that I’ve been paying for everything – well, we’ve only been out twice, so we’ll see how things go. But generally it’s a red flag to me if the girl doesn’t feel the need to pay her share. Again, this is early days so nothing major yet – but I’m proud of myself for paying attention this time to red flags, rather than trying to put her immediately in the ‘girlfriend’ category. Also, I’ve got a date tomorrow – so I’d say I’m doing better with J3 than I did with J2, in terms of managing feelings and anxiety and all that. Funnily enough, the girl I’m going with tomorrow will get the codename of J4. I gotta say it, girls who have names with letters that start with “J” absolutely love me.

And I don’t blame them – I’m smart, funny, sexy and OH so adorable.

Anyhoo – on to more important matters. Like last Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones. I’ll try and recall what happened, but not in chronological order. It’s basically the first 3 or 4 chapters of Book 5 – and clearly there’s massive spoilers.

  • Tyrion was smuggled across the narrow sea by Varys (AKA: The spider). The Imp is feeling pretty low, what with having killed his father and (what he thought was) his girlfriend. However, Varys convinces Tyrion to seek renewed purpose in supporting Daenerys in her quest to be Queen.
  • Daenerys, on the other hand, is losing control of Mereen. She faces an insurgency (or similar) from a clandestine group called The Sons of the Harpy. Currently, Daenerys is struggling with the decision to open the fighting pits, in order to gain favour with the people of Mereen. Also, she’s taken Daario Naharis as a lover – so all the ladies watching the show get to see his naked ass paraded around.
  • In Westeros, Sansa is learning spycraft from Littlefinger. Not much happening there, other than Peter Baelish trying to promote Robert of Arryn as the Lord of the Vale or something. I can never suss out Littlefinger’s plans, but I’m almost certain he’s trying to kill off Robert so he can sire an heir.
  • At the wall, Jon Snow isn’t Lord Commander… yet. It has the air of inevitability about it when Stannis asks Jon Snow what to do about Mance Rayder. In the end, Mance Rayder is burned alive for refusing to kneel to Stannis – and in a display of mercy, Jon Snow shoots him with an arrow in order to end his pain.
  • Finally, with Tywin Lannister dead, Cersei looks to be in control of the realm. However, she’s losing control of her son Tommen, as he’s being won over by the be-smirked Margaery Tyrell. Cersei didn’t make any governmental decisions while her father was being buried, but she’s haunted by a prediction given to her when she was very young, which foretold that all of her children would die before her.

And that’s about it. Super stoked for the Sens tonight! And for the upcoming episodes of GoT! The sun is shining, is nice and warm out – what a wonderful time of year!

April 15, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ramble about TV and gettin’r going

Hey – what’s goin’ on?

Missed a couple days last week. Thursday was one of those days where I just couldn’t get’r going. It was infuriating at the time – I had a solid sleep the night before, didn’t eat anything outrageous or do nuthin’ to be so tired. But there I was, 8:00 am and outta gas for the day. Frustrating. Had a nap and that didn’t solve much. As a result, I didn’t do my writing – nor much else that day.

I assume these fits and spurts of energy are related to my kidney. For those who don’t know, I had a kidney transplant in 97, and am on some pretty serious pills as a result. It could be that one of the side effects is unforseen lack of energy at certain times. I know that occasionally, I get into a state where I just can’t keep my eyes open. Only once can I remember that this happened during a day where I did very strenuous physical activity – the other times, it just sorta hit me and that was that. My body was all like, “Ok bud. Fuck all this nonsense, we’re on strike!” and my body just refused to work for the rest of the day. Weird.

Anyhoo, I’m back and rarin’ to go. Well, not rarin’ – I don’t really have anything to write about.

Or do I? I could write about how absolutely stoked I am for tonight’s episode of Gotham. The TV trailers showed the character of “Jack Gruber” making another appearance. I think he’s going to turn out to be the Joker – and so tonight will either hint towards that tantalizing future, or demolish it by killing Gruber or something similar. Tell ya what I’m not looking forward to is Jim Gordon’s drama-addicted girlfriend. Yeesh!

As well, I’m hoping that there’ll be a new episode of American Dad tonight. … Nope. Google tells me that American Dad won’t return until February! Shenanigans!!

This weekend was pretty poor for TV. No new Simpsons, no new Bobs Burgers – no new Family Guy (although I watch them out of a sense of duty now instead of looking forward to them.) Rick and Morty won’t be back for a long time – same for Game of Thrones. Nothing new on HBO that looks terribly thrilling – meh. These are the dog days of January, when there’s no new tv – and it’s -30 outside with the wind chill, which is perfect tv-binge-watching weather! Oh well… Champagne problems…

I suppose I could rewatch Firefly. I should really make it a “thing” that I watch Firefly at least once a year. But then I’ll have to end with the movie Serenity, and Wash will die and break my heart all over again. Oh Firefly! You could’ve been so good!

I have a theory that the only reason Castle is still going is because people loved Firefly SO MUCH, that they’ll watch Nathan Fillion no matter what formulaic nonsense-show he’s on – as long as there’s sly references to Firefly along the way.

As far as goals for the day – I only have one thing left to do and that’s read Moby Dick for 30 minutes. I forget where I am in the book – the last chapter I remember reading that was good was about Steelskilt or whoever – and then I think there was a chapter about why albatrosses are good luck, or some painfully boring nonsense. They should really think about making an abridged version – there’s whole chapters that can be cut out without losing any of the plot.

Anyhoodles, that’s 15 minutes. It’s been a slice! Tomorrow will almost certainly be a recap of tonight’s Gotham episode!

January 19, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Current tv ramble

I’m reading Moby Dick at the moment, and for the most part, it’s a slog. Every good chapter that Melville has is followed by one or two dreary ones – often about the taxonomy of the whale, or more yammering on about why Moby Dick inspires such terror. Today’s chapter was all about how certain artists of the time failed to paint whales correctly in their paintings. Yeesh!

Most of the chapters could be summed up in one or two sentences. It’s really annoying.

I only bring this up because yesterday I was reading it, and that chapter was awesome! It was about this mutineer named Steelkilt, and his adventures aboard the high seas one day. But in retrospect, it was probably the best chapter I’ve read because it was a tight, concise story. Previously, each chapter has been meandering with no real point. I suppose Melville did this to dramatically paint the picture of 1800’s New England – but the language is so old-timey that I keep having to turn to the dictionary, which takes me out of the moment.

Nevertheless, I will press on – because eventually there’s going to be a fight between Ahab and the whale, and Ishmael and Queequeg will be along for the ride.

Meanwhile, there’s no new Gotham episode this week – nor a new American Dad. Which is a bummer. I thought all the shows were back from winter break, and it’d be one new episode a week from now until about mid-April (AKA: the return of Game of Thrones!)

Man am I excited for the upcoming season of GoT. I finally finished the books a couple months back, so now I know which parts of the tv show are made up, and which are lifted from the book. (Although, there’s so many characters in the book I could easily misremember some people and forget who others are.) Most importantly, Arya (everyone’s favorite or at least second-favorite character) will be training at the house of many faces – which is really an assassin school. That’s gonna be awesome.

As well, Tyrion will show up again – as in the show, the last we saw of him was when he killed his father. I think it might be a couple episodes before Tyrion actually shows up (for dramatic pacing reasons) but who knows.

As for ongoing shows – aside from my beloved cartoons and Gotham, there’s not much I’m watching. There’s (I think) 2 seasons of Boardwalk Empire I have yet to watch – I ‘unno if I’m going to though. I reeeally don’t care for Margaret Thompson (nee Schroeder) and her whining about how she married a gangster. You knew what you were getting into, honey!

I’m sure there’s new HBO series that are coming down the pipe – or have been released that I just haven’t had the time to watch. I heard okay things about Netflix’s Marco Polo – and I could watch that in one shot, so we’ll see. It’s winter, so there’ll be plenty of opportunity to curl up on a Friday or Saturday night watchin’ muh stories.

Recently I haven’t been as big on movies – I think probably because I like a long drawn out story. Movies seem so hurried, and it’s easy for me to dismiss the expository dialogue in any run-of-the-mill Hollywood picture. Some movies are amazing and aren’t so hackneyed, but I sort of think that most movies nowadays are cranked out with little thought or feeling. As a result, every movie seems to hit the same note – oh, she’s the love interest, oh, there’s the crisis precipitating the 2nd act, etc…

I will say that Interstellar was a fun movie – but it monkeyed around with space and time. And it’s Deus Ex Machina at the end involved 5th-dimensional beings and a time-traveling tesseract. Definitely not a run-to-the-airport-to-save-the-girl type of movie.

Finally, yesterday’s Family Guy and Simpsons were pretty awful. Simpsons was better by a lot, but I can’t remember the story at the moment – so it certainly couldn’t have been that great.

Stay tuned for more ramblings about television tomorrow!

January 14, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Game Of Thrones: Season 1 Episode 1 – Episode Recap.

We cold open to…



3 badass looking dudes from the Night’s Watch. (Of course, we don’t know they’re part of the Night’s Watch yet, so they’re just 3 badass looking dudes.) This is a great way to open the epicest epics to ever epic – we’re drawn immediately into a world of mystery. Who are these guys? Why are they walking through this big-ass tunnel? Why are they so dour looking?


Dour is right. They sure don’t look like a happy bunch.

Anyhoo, they go North of the wall and start poking around. That bug-eyed looking fellow manages to stumble upon a camp full of slaughtered wildlings.


Correction: Brutally slaughtered!

He freaks out and runs back to tell beard-o and the caesar haircut guy. We widen to reveal…


One hell of a massacre.

So bug-eye goes and tells his friends and brings them back to the site of the slaughter. Only, when he gets back, all the bodies are missing. Then, we hear ominous noises around our 3 intrepid heroes and some spooky music kicks up its volume.


Ah! Midwich cuckoos!

All of a sudden, our heroes are being stalked by White Walkers! Bug-eye and beard-o run for their lives while caesar-haircut, being the snobbiest of them all, throwing out such sentences as, “What, are you afraid of the dead?” gets summarily executed by the White Walkers.

Meanwhile, bug-eye and beard-o, after running for quite awhile, stop for breath. Surely they’ve outrun these White Walkers?



Boom! Kick it to the 1:30 long intro.

We open somewhere in the North, where that bug-eyed fella is chased down by men on horses. (We soon learn these are Ned Stark’s bannermen.)


The fate of this fellow remains to be seen.

Anyhoo, we don’t care about him – because it’s star-wipe to one of those, “Happy Bustling Laughing Family” type of intros. You know the ones, all the kids are playing and getting along and the parents are laughing. It happens in absolutely every movie that contains a family.


Here we see the Stark boys, enjoying a traditionally manly activity. (Even Rickon is in the background.)


Sansa, being praised for her traditionally female skills.


Arya, not so much…


Ned and Catelyn, looking proudly down upon their brood. Oh, isn’t life just perfect Ned? I hope nothing ever changes and we live here in Winterfell safe forever.

After the establishing shots, Ned and Catelyn get the news that his men have captured a deserter: bug-eye. Of course, the punishment for desertion in the Night’s Watch is death.


What was that you were saying, Cat?


M’Lord, even though I have this ridiculous haircut, no one saw fit to give me a name in this first episode. Also, Theon is with me.

It falls to Ned, as the Warden of the North, to carry out the execution of the deserted. Just before he’s about to be put onto the block, Bug-eye says something like, “I know I deserted my post, but fuck me if I’m going to deal with White Walkers.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

Though Ned is sympathetic about being terrorized by fictional monsters, he still has a job to do.





As Ned and his boys go back to Winterfell, they happen upon a dead DireWolf, who just happens to have a bunch of puppies. As it happens, there’s one DireWolf for each Stark child, so Ned sees it as an omen and spares the lives of the wolves. Even Jon Snow gets one.


He seems so pumped!

This being the first episode, we’ve got a lot of characters to introduce ourselves to, and a story to get started. So we’ve met all the Starks, learned about the Night’s Watch, now it’s time to get this feudal intrigue a-rollin’.


Note the throne in the background.

In King’s Landing, we learn that Jon Arryn, the previous King of the Hand, is dead. The current King, Robert Baratheon, is marching North to visit Winterfell.


Catelyn, don’t interrupt me while I’m stroking my sword.

We learn that Catelyn is anxious about the King’s visit – as the King and Ned are old friends, and she’s sure the King will take Ned back with him. However, it is a royal visit, so all the Stark children need to be cleaned up. Great excuse for all our handsome leads to take their shirts off.


And a lil’ something for the ladies…

In a clever bit of foreshadowing (or not so clever, depending on who you ask), Brann climbs up the castle walls to see the King and his retinue in the distance. As he’s climbing down, he’s caught by his mom, who says, 


I don’t ever want to see you climbing again!


Ok, I’ll climb maybe one more time and that’s it.

Finally, the King rides in with all the pomp and circumstance he can muster. We get a cool shot of the Hound in full armour.


I don’t think he ever wears that cool helmet ever again.

We finally get to meet the King, Robert Baratheon, who basically looks like a bearded, British, John Goodman.



We get a glimpse of some of the other Lannisters as well:


Only moments later will we all start to hate that little kid with everything we’ve got.


I don’t remember Tyrion being so blonde.

These introductory stories are brief, as we’re still establishing how Robert and Ned know each other. In fact, Robert invites Ned to be the King of the Hand, as there’s some upstart young Tagaryen across the sea who has visions of dethroning the King.

Star wipe to…


One of the two seasons where we get to see her breasts: enjoy!

Meet Daenerys Stormborn – of course, she’s not the Targaryen we’re worried about, because there’s this jerk kicking around:


If I didn’t die so early, it’d be a toss up between me and Joffrey as to who’s the most hated.

This is Viserys – Daenerys’ older brother. He’s arranged for Daenerys to be wed to Khal Drogo, the leader of the Dothraki, a horse-people. Viserys has done so in exchange for access to Drogo’s army. Viserys, being a son of the previous King, has claims on the current throne. Only, he needs a big-ass army with which to fight Robert, the current king.


Getting Khal Drogo on your side is a good start.

With Daenerys introduced and married, we star-wipe back to Winterfell


“Do you think Joffrey will like me?” Sansa asks, not having met Joffrey and knowing what a right cunt he is.

It’s nighttime at Winterfell, and since the King’s here, we’re having a feast!



Shenanigans are going on at dinner. But we’re still setting up the story here – for as the feast goes on inside, outside Jon Snow is talking to Ned’s brother Benjen, who’s a recruiter for the Night’s Watch.


Nice to meet you, Jon Snow. I’ll be dead in 3 episodes!

Jon Snow discusses joining the Night’s Watch with Benjen. After all, Jon Snow is Ned Stark’s bastard – and Catelyn is not a big fan of ol’ Jon Snow. 


Then Tyrion comes by, says something wise, something snarky, and is off again.


Meanwhile, at the feast, Cersei and Catelyn give each other passive-aggressive compliments. “Oh Catelyn, I love how you just wear anything.”

That night, as Ned and Catelyn are enjoying a post-coital snuggle, Maester Llyewen (seriously George R. R. Martin, use some normal spelling on names) comes in and gives them a letter.


Hey, when you said a threesome, you didn’t say what kind.

It’s a letter from Catelyn’s sister Lysa, who tells them that the Lannisters murdered Jon Arryn. Suddenly, all those snipes that Cersei made at the dinner table seem a little more ominous.

Back across the water, Daenerys is marrying Khal Drogo.


A Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

We get our first glimpse of Jorah “Friendzone” Mormont, who almost immediately (and without being asked) becomes Daenerys’ translator and advisor.


Here’s a good wedding present for a horse-lord, books!

However, a much more foreshadow-y gift is given to Daenerys: 3 dragon eggs.


My preciousssssss

Also, Jorah gives Daenerys a brand new, golden-white horse. (Because chicks love it when you fall all over yourself to give them gifts! That newly married bride will surely love you, Jorah!)


Thanks Jorah – wait until I show my husband!

Finally, Khal Drogo and Daenerys consummate their marriage. This being Daenerys’ first time, and Khal Drogo being a bit rough around the edges, it doesn’t go smoothly for Dany.


A lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying.

Star-wipe to Bran, taking his last climb.


Boy, do I ever love to climb and use my legs! I sure wouldn’t ever want to not be able to walk again!

However, Bran happens to stumble upon Cersei and her Brother Jamie – gettin’ it oooon!


Crap, I was almost there!!


I have the weirdest boner right now…

Jamie then does the only sensible thing one can do when a 10-year old boy walks in on you fucking your own sister…



That’s a well thought out, measured response. And the triumphant first episode of Game of Thrones ends with a thump.



July 8, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Oh, right… the title.

Well, that was an invigorating week off.

I was at a math conference all last week. It was exhausting. Think of the hardest math class you’ve ever had, cross that with the craziest true fact you know, then times that by a million, and sit in a room for hours at a time paying rapt attention to what’s going on. See if you’re not visited by Mr. Sandman after 20 minutes.

Plus, it’s expected we socialize during the breaks of each talk. I’m pretty introverted, so social interaction is tiring for me. So I’m supposed to socialize after listening to this guy drone on about modular forms for 30 minutes. Guh. Exhausting.

Anyhoo, I’m back on the writing bandwagon and ready to ramble damble.

First things first. Game of Thrones. It’s over for a year. Last episode was epic. I’ll do a focused thing on that this week.

Actually, I will talk about GoT for a bit, because it’s my favorite non-animated show at the moment. The finale was awesome. A brief recap:

  • Jon Snow goes to talk to Mance Rayder, and just when things look their darkest, Stannis comes roaring in with his massive army. Sweet. Not to mention Stannis attacking Mance in a classic pincers movement.
  • We learn that the Mountain isn’t dead. He’s been very badly poisoned, and is definitely dying. But this weasel-y little maester comes in and starts doing some bloodletting. It’s implied he’s gonna turn the Mountain into some sort of non-stop killing zombie. Awesome. Got that to look forward to.
  • Then Cersei gets all up in Tywin’s face about not marrying Loras. But then she loses her cool and tells her father (not explicitly) that she and Jaimie have been “schtupping.” (Her exact words are something like, “All the rumours they say about us are true!”) Then she goes and makes out with Jaimie in a confusingly erotic scene.
  • Daenery’s dragons are out of control. (Well, just the big black one. Hey, racist!) They’re burning up people’s children now. So Dany has to lock up 2 out of her 3 dragons, the black one has flown off somewhere and is doing whatever it wants.
  • There’s also this sort of grey, political dribble about how some older free-men would rather be slaves again. I suppose this is to hammer home the point that ruling isn’t all black and white, and an iron fist and dragons don’t a ruler make.
  • Jon burns Ygritte. (I mean, there’s this whole big scene between Jon Snow and Tormund Giantsbane, where Tormund is like, “Did you love her?” All serious like, and blah blah blah… I get it, move on.)
  • In the best scene of the episode, Bran and his companions find the tree where the 3-eyed crow lives. But as they walk towards the tree, they get accosted by warrior skeletons! (Oh no! I hate when that happens!) Bran wargs into Hodor and starts taking out the trash – but meanwhile, Jojen is down and it looks like curtains for him. Suddenly, just as Hodor (controlled by Bran) is about to get overrun, big explosions come out of nowhere! And we see a shadowy figure by the godswood throwing bombs at the skeleton! (Cool!) But then this only buys our heroes a bit of time, so Jojen says farewell to his sister and dies, and Bran, Hodor and the sister meet up with this shadowy looking figure. They all walk into the tree, and Bran talks to an old man trapped in a bunch of branches about flying. (Seriously, go watch this episode – the whole thing is like an episode of The Prisoner in its wacked-out-ness, but it’s wicked awesome.)
  • Arya and the Hound run into Brienne and Pod. (That didn’t happen in the books.) But then things get misconstrued because Pod (who was in service with Tyrion) recognizes the Hound. Yadda yadda yadda, the Hound and Brienne fight. It’s a pretty brutal fight, with plenty of dirty hits and shots to the groin (of both fighters!) – but in the end, Brienne manages to throw the Hound off a ledge, and he gets crippled. Arya then stares him down as he dies – in a brilliant scene, showing how cold Arya is. Brienne loses Arya, and Arya gives her “Jaqar H’aqn” (sp?) coin and begins her voyage across the narrow sea to Braavos.
  • Finally, Tyrion is facing execution, but is rescued at the last moment by Jaimie. He tells Tyrion that Varys is waiting outside this door, and then rushes off. Tyrion, however, decides not to go see Varys just yet. He sneaks into his father’s room – only to find Shae there! (Burrrn! But again, she’s a whore, this is his own fault.) Tyrion kills Shae (in a rather accidental/heat of the moment fashion). Then grabs a crossbow off the wall and goes in search of Tywin. He finds Tywin in the privy (AKA: shithouse) and they have a brief chat. Naturally, Tyrion shoots his father with the crossbow (oddly, he only does it when Tywin refers to Shae as a “whore”. This sort of carrying the torch for someone who doesn’t love him is weird at this juncture, especially as he just murdered Shae.) Anyhoo, Tywin dies, Tyrion escapes and him and Varys set out for some unknown location.

WOWZERS! Wicked awesome episode! So much shit happened – and nothing felt rushed. (Except for the whole Jon Snow talks with Tormund. Yeesh.)

I’m currently reading book 4, so I’ve got some insight into how next season will play out. So far, not much has happened. George RR Martin writes each book from a POV perspective – and it changes every chapter. This book so far has chapters featuring Cersei, Jaimie, Brienne, Arya, Jon Snow and one of the Martells (Oberyn’s brother.) Some things are definitely going to change in Brienne’s story, and we’ll be introduced to the relatives and offspring of Oberyn. (Which I think, will be awesome – as the chapter about the Martells was all about how fierce and badass Oberyn’s daughters are.)

But best of all, Arya is going to join an assassin group, basically. And so she’ll turn into this super-badass lil’ assassin, which I think will be adorable and terrifying.

Cute pet pics!

Mrs. Kitty and Honey Bunches 001

Mrs. Kitty and Honey Bunches 004

Mrs. Kitty and Honey Bunches 006

June 23, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Game of Thrones Season Finale Predictions – Nothing but Spoilers!

Another writer’s block Wednesday!

Let’s stick with Game of Thrones then. I’m reading book 4 at the moment – and as I read more and more, I realize that I’ve already read it. But since I’ve forgotten basically everything that happens, it does me no harm to read it again.

The problem with book 4 is that it only focuses on a few characters, and most of them I’m uninterested in: Cersei, Brienne, for example. However, the books do talk about the men of the Night’s Watch and Arya. But Arya has now crossed the narrow sea in book 4 – so just re-reading the start makes me realize that I don’t really recall what happened in Book 3 either. I think this is because 

  1. There’s too many damn characters, all with names that sound frightfully similar
  2. I used to do most of my reading before bed.

Reading before bed was how I used to like to fall asleep. But then I realized that when I started reading the next day, I only had a very tenuous grasp on just what the hell was happening. When it comes to cheesy pulp action novels – like Jack Reacher – no problemo, I can generally pick up on who’s who and what’s happening. But for a monstrous epic like GoT, it’s problematic.

Anyhoo, with the penultimate episode of GoT done, there’s only the season finale to go. It seems likely that a crapload of stuff is gonna happen this episode. Well, it’s either a crapload of stuff, or the whole episode takes place in King’s landing.

Here’s my predictions as to what happens in the season finale (with some knowledge as to what happens in the books.)


  • The Hound dies. I don’t see any way around this. Despite the fact that the show and the book have diverged on a number of different key issues, I still think it’s in Arya’s future to end up across the narrow sea. In the books, (IIRC), Arya doesn’t kill The Hound, but just watches him die. I think the show might have her kill the Hound. In any case, almost certainly she’ll use her Valar Morghulis coin to cross the sea. Also, since the writer’s love toying with our emotions so much, I think Arya and Sansa will just barely miss meeting each other, similar to how Bran and Jon Snow almost met.
  • Sansa gains the upper hand on Petyr Baelish. I think Sansa hasn’t been given enough credit for how well she’s able to lie and manipulate those around her. She was able to manipulate Joffrey somewhat, and especially a couple episode’s ago she manipulated the board of inquiry as to Lysa’s death. I sort of think we’ll see her grow to be more and more manipulative, since basically, ever since her father dies, she’s been in the company of people who are trying to manipulate her. Growing up in this environment, it follows that she’ll turn it around and start to be the one doing the manipulating. Although, going up against Littlefinger, that might be a tall task.
  • Ramsey Bolton dies. I don’t know why, but I just have a feeling that Reek wont be around for too much longer. 
  • The show’s final scene, I can almost guarantee, will be the killing of Tywin Lannister by Tyrion Lannister. It may happen that the whole episode takes place in King’s Landing, and we learn just how Tyrion escapes from his impending execution, and how he kills his father. I’m almost 99% certain the show will fade to black on a long, trailing shot of blood oozing out of Tywin’s stomach, where the arrow has pierced him. I also think it’s Varys who helps Tyrion escape, and then Varys takes off from King’s Landing as well.
  • Stannis rides to the wall and kicks the shit out of the wildlings and Mance Rayder. Well, we’ll see about that one – I don’t remember Jon going to talk to Mance in the books. In the books, from what I can piece together, Stannis shows up to save the day, and takes Mance Rayder’s daughter (or wife or gf or something) hostage. It may happen that Jon Snow takes her hostage instead, or that Stannis doesn’t even show up at all! It’s going to be a hell of a finale, that I know for shizzle.

I tell ya, my lack of reading retention of book 3 is somewhat staggering. I think this can easily happen when you’re dealing with a 10,000+ page epic – involving non-stop backstabbing, and twists and turns, and characters who all sound alike. Wait? Aren’t they in Duskendale? No, they’re in Hollyhale. Is that Thoros of Mir? No, it’s Boros of Tyr. Nonsense.

Anyhoo, anyone else I’m missing in my season finale guesses? I think Brienne doesn’t show up until next season. Maybe the Tyrell’s manipulate Tommen a bit – they’re still heavily involved in the King’s Landing drama. I don’t know if we see Daenerys or not – I pray they don’t waste time on the eunuch love story. No one cares about Grey Worm – unless he’s doing cool Unsullied type maneuvers. 

Oooh – there actually could be a different cliffhanger than Tywin’s death. Remember the Red Wedding? (Of course you friggin do.) Well, in the books, at some point it’s hinted at that Catelyn has survived, and is something of a freaky zombie now, bent on revenge. It could be that the last shot of the season is a fade out on what appears to be a corpse, then the eyes open, and as the body stumbles forward, we realize it’s Catelyn, alive! That would be a hell of an ending too!

Suffice it to say, I’m super stoked for Sunday! 


June 11, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Brawl at the Wall – GoT Recap – Spoilers all over

Oh man, what an episode of Game of Thrones! As you’ll recall, yesterday I made a bunch of predictions about what would happen. First, let’s look at all the things I got right; there was a battle at the wall, Jerk Commander (AKA: Lord Alistair) dies and Jon Snow becomes the leader, and the maester reveals he was Aemon Targaryen in a previous life.

And that about does it for accurate predictions. Everything else I said didn’t happen at all – mostly because the whole episode took place at the wall.

So what happened?

Well, Jon Snow and Sam are atop the wall, on lookout. Sam awkwardly brings up the fact that Jon Snow was in love with Ygritte, and that Sam probably feels the same way about Gilly.

Star wipe to: the wildlings, where Ygritte proclaims loudly for anyone to hear that “Jon Sneeew is mine!” – and that she’ll kill anyone who tries to kill Jon Snow before she can kill him. (Got it?)

Smash cut to: Gilly sneaking away from the wildlings. She shows up at Castle Black and Sam takes her in. They have a tearful reunion, whereby Sam proclaims, “From now on, wherever you go, I go too.” Well, that’s a noble sentiment and all, Sam, but you do have this whole “Night’s Watch” thing to do.

Because just as Sam’s telling Gilly that he’s gonna be her man, the alarm sounds. Mance Rayder is attacking and it’s fucking on!


Here come the wildlings!

The Wall comes to life, and there’s hustle and bustle atop the wall as the men of the Night’s Watch prepare for battle. Jon Snow and Jerk Commander have an awkward conversation – but agree to put their differences behind them in order to kill all the wildlings and save the wall.

Uh... I'm gonna take my break now.

Uh… I’m gonna take my break now.

(Aside: Wow – that’s a lot darker than it looks on my screen.)

While all this is going on, Sam hides Gilly in a store room and tells her to stay there. Gilly gives him grief and whines at him. “You said we’d stay together forever.” Out of nowhere, Sam grows a pair, tells her to sit tight while he goes and fights the bad guys that are trying to kill all of us. And then this happens:

And everyone watching goes, "ooooooh!"

And everyone watching goes, “ooooooh!”

Then, for the rest of the episode, Sam’s badassery is second only to Jon Snow. Finally, I can stop hating Sam and his moaning ways.

Meanwhile, we soon learn that the band of wildlings that has been terrorizing the small villages south of the wall (which contain Ygritte and Tormund Giantsbane) will attack the gates of Castle Black. (In an brilliant pincers movement.) Sir Alistair goes down to fight them off. After a bit of kerfuffling, Jon Snow takes control atop the wall.

Which is a good thing, as giants and woolly mammoths are attacking the wall!

Then all hell starts to break loose. Tormund Giantsbane gets inside Castle Black and starts murdering just about everyone. Sam’s running around, keeping up Pip’s spirits and shooting cannibals in the face. Ygritte is shooting a bunch of people with arrows and effortlessly looking hot as a redhead.



Shit starts to get even more out of control. Two giants and their wooly mammoth start attacking the gate to the wall. Jon Snow dumps a bunch of flaming oil on them, and kills the mammoth, but a giant manages to get through the gate. Jon Snow sends down a few men with the instruction, “Hold the gate!”

Ok lads, we hold the gate no matter what comes at us!!!

Ok lads, we hold the gate no matter what comes at us!!!

I'm a giant and I'll rip your heart out!

I’m a giant and I’ll rip your heart out!

Ohhhh shit.

Ohhhh shit.

Anyhoo, Castle Black is about to be overrun by wildlings, so Jon Snow goes down to help fight. (He rips shit up with his fancy sword.)

Finally, Ygritte and Jon Snow meet. Ygritte has an arrow pointed at Jon Snow’s heart, but can’t bring herself to shoot. Just as Jon Snow is about to say something to her, Ygritte gets show.

So there’s a big thing I totally forgot, Ygritte fucking dies!!!

Goodbye hotness.

Goodbye hotness.

After that, not much happens. The sun rises, Tormund Giantsbane gets taken prisoner, and at a heavy cost, the men of the Night’s Watch win the battle.

Then, to end the episode, Jon Snow goes out beyond the wall, unarmed, to find Mance Rayder. (I don’t remember this happening in the books, so maybe Stannis doesn’t come rescue the wall at all?)

This was a brief synopsis, but DAMN, what an episode. If you like long, bloody battles, then this is the episode to watch.


June 10, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Game of Thrones Guesstacular – Spoilers!

Well, I wasn’t exactly tearing it up last week with the ol’ blog post-a-roonies. I’ll try and do better this week.

Now, it’s Monday morning, and you know what that means!! Game of Thrones round-up time! Wooo!

Except for one problem, I haven’t watched Game of Thrones yet. I was going to watch it last night with my brother, but both of us were super tired and we each went to bed before 10:00. But we taped it on the PVR, so we’ll watch it today sometime.

Now, since I have no information on what happened in last night’s episode (I’ve avoided surfing the internet today for fear of spoilers), I can go ahead and make some scientific wild-ass guesses (SWAG) about what happened. Remember, I’ve read book 3, and although I can’t remember much of book 4, I think I read it (that’s what happens when I read right before going to bed) – so I may remember a few things by osmosis. I haven’t even sniffed book 5, which is where Daenerys’ story picks up again, so all my Khaleesi posts are total guesses.

Anyhoo, my number one guess as to what happened last night is that some crazy mega-fight went down at the wall. This happened near the end of book 3, so Mance Rayder and his army of giants and wooly mammoths and other unpleasant folk, all storm the wall. And they’re looking to kick the shit out of the Night’s Watch – and basically proceed to do so, until Stannis shows up with his army and slaughters all the wildlings.

Now, in the books, I think Sam sends a couple ravens to all the people who’ve got a claim on the throne for help, and only Stannis shows up. So if I had to guess, I think the beginning of the episode will contain a brief scene of Sam and the maester (Aegon, I think) sending the ravens.

Some other cool stuff happens as a result of the fight at the wall. I think whoever the jerk commander is, he gets killed, and the men elect Jon Snow to be their leader. Also, we learn that the maester of the Night’s Watch used to be one of the Targaryen’s. Hence the previous foreshadowing, “I grew up in King’s Landing”, spoken by the maester sometime this season.

What else could happen? Oh right, well, since Tyrion is about to be put to death, he’ll have to escape somehow. In the books, I think Jamie helps Tyrion escape (or maybe Varys), and Tyrion sneaks out of his cell and gets ahold of a crossbow and kills his father, Tywin. Although, since I’m guessing about the episode I’ll watch later, I think they’ll probably save this for the final scene of the final episode. That’s right around where book 3 ends, so I guess that’s probably where they will want to end this season.

What else could happen? These are for sure guesses – I’m about 90% certain that a huge rumble will happen at the wall this episode. As for the other stuff, I’m not sure.

  • Arya and the Hound get in a fight somewhere and the Hound dies. (This happened in the books, but I can’t remember if it’s book 3 or 4. I can’t remember the circumstances of why they get in a fight either – so this could possibly happen this episode, or next episode, or not at all – since EVERYONE loves watching the Hound and Arya going around, having adventures, and stabbing people.)
  • Daenerys has to deal with a slave uprising or other extreme discontent that causes her to stop being Queen. (I can’t remember the last thing Daenerys does in book 3 – but since her dragons are grown, I’m lead to believe the writers are pulling info from book 5 to use. I have no clue what happens in this case, but I’m guessing that now that Jorah’s gone, Khaleesi will get fed up with being Queen, and then an uprising from her subjects will cause her to pull up stakes and go find some other city to maraud. Since she’s adopted the Dothraki ways, I see her staying true to their nomadic lifestyle, and growing tired of staying in one place.) But then again, I could easily be wrong, and she could lay around all day in her skimpy dress getting plowed by her swarthy looking lover with the unpronounceable name.
  • Bran doesn’t find the 3-eyed crow. (He’ll be up north with Jojen and his sister forever. Hodor.)
  • Theon stops being Reek and becomes Theon again. (In the beginning of the 4th book, Balon Greyjoy is dead, and the Ironborn are coming together for a kingsmoot – which is just a ceremony where they choose a new king. I don’t remember much of the Reek storyline from book 3, so I assume that in book 4, Theon will stop being Reek and come to the kingsmoot to be king – or have a fight with Asha. I could easily see that happening this episode – since last episode, Ramsey has overcome being a bastard and gained inheritance from Roose Bolton. So it would make sense that the writers would almost immediately kill of Ramsey, making the death all the more ironic for his recent fortune.)
  • We don’t hear anything from the Dornish until after the death of Tywin. Again, in the beginning of book 4, the relatives of Oberyn are discussing how best to respond to his death. But I’m not through that chapter yet, and I don’t quite recall anything specific said about the death of Tywin, so maybe that news hasn’t reached them yet. Regardless, I see eventually Margaery Tyrell taking advantage of the death of Tywin and seducing Tommen. So maybe that continues in this episode. I don’t mind watching Natalie Dormer acting seductive for 10 minutes. Especially since she doesn’t have that godawful Skrillex haircut in the show.

That haircut is atrocious.

Anyone else I’ve forgotten? Oh right, maybe Brienne and Pod go on an adventure in order to pad out the show.

Right – what’s Petyr Baelish going to do? Last we saw Sansa, it looked like she had accepted Petyr as her protector, and will use his desire against him to get what she wants. Perhaps Robin learns how to ride a horse this episode, and then gets (hopefully) smacked around a couple of times for being a little whiny bitch. Or Petyr makes a move on Sansa. We’ll see.

But I’m willing to bet money that a crapton of action happens at the wall this episode.

Maaaan! Now I’m incredibly stoked for this episode. I will be seriously disappointed if I don’t see a giant get a flaming arrow to the face, and a CGI wooly mammoth get its head crushed in by a giant rock. If this isn’t the greatest episode yet of Game of Thrones, then I’m going to plotz.

Tomorrow’s post: What I got right, and what I got terribly, terribly wrong.

EDIT: Just finished watching the episode. It was sweet. I got some things right and many, many things wrong. Stay tuned.

June 9, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment