Milk and Cigarettes

Rambles about stuff I like.

A ramble about the thesis

Well, I was pretty slackadaisical yesterday with my writing. Tell you the truth, after my workout I spent the rest of the day working on my thesis. I think that’s probably what’s gonna happen on MWF from now on. Get up – do my notes for class, exercise, then spend the rest of the day working on my thesis. Lemme tell ya – a thesis is a very time-consuming thing. Especially a math one – my thesis is about 140 pages at the moment, and I’m in the process of going through each page, cleaning up the language, making sure things make sense, adding in explanation wherever necessary, adding sources… Guh. It takes a long time. But it’s the one huge obstacle I have to overcome before I can get my PhD, get a good job, and move outta my  parents house, so that’ll be my main focus for the next little while.

My secondary focus is exercise. My diet has been on point for the past couple days, and I’m committed to staying below 2000 calories every day. One habit I picked up is having a fruit & vegetable smoothie at the end of the day. I make my smoothie with coconut water, and then a bunch of green vegetables and fruit. It tastes… y’know, vegetable-y. But it’s a great way to get  a lot of vitamins, plus it’s a good meal to have at the end of the day. I start my day with a protein shake with vegetable powder, and I end it with more fruits and vegetables. I’m sure that’s probably good for me. And I have two meals in between – oatmeal and peanut butter, and eggs and sausage. In between the eggs and sausage and my protein shake, I get close to 75g of protein a day – which is my limit as protein is hard on the kidney.

Anyhoo, there’s not much else going on. Tonight I’m teaching my class – and it’s going ok so far. But man, it sure seems like a lot of those kids are bored during class. I don’t get it! Math is exciting! Maybe I feel this way because I’m a mathematician.

What else? Well – I guess I never actually wrote down my 5 week goals like I said I was going to. I think I might make me some June goals – as I think I did well in April when I had 5 specific targets to shoot for. And June is right around the corner, so that seems like a logical progression. Ok, that’s the plan!

Umm… Yeah. Not too much else going on. My main focuses day to day are getting my exercise in, then spending the rest of the day working on math. And in the evenings, I hit the bong in order to make the tediousness of writing a thesis more tolerable.

I’m hoping that by the end of the summer, I’ll be done my thesis. It really takes a lot longer than I was expecting – plus I was dilly-dallying a bit at the beginning of May – getting adjusted to my new class and whatnot. But now it’s all math all the time. Gotta couple months of hard, tedious work and then I’ll get my friggin PhD. Like in goals, I have to resist the temptation to quit at 95% done – and instead worry about finishing strong. Plowing through this thesis, defending the sucker, and then living the easy life of a professor.

Well, we’ll see how long it takes me to become a prof. There’s always the option of going to work for the government. But, having worked in an office, I’d much rather take a low salary in exchange for loads of free time. The odds of me working a 9-5 office job are pretty goddamn slim at this point.

Anyhoo – that’s a tight 15. Maybe another ramble tomorrow – maybe the next one is on Tuesday. We’ll see!


May 28, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I would say I handled that… poorly. Ramble about breaking up with J3 and future goals

Welp, I don’t think I handled the breakup particularly well. J3 texted me asking if this was a “we need to talk” call and I said yes. Then later she texted if this was a good or bad talk, and I said bad. Finally, she texted me asking if I needed to end things with her, and although my instinct was to text back for her to call me, instead I texted “yes.” And she texted back, “Ok done.” And that was it. A bit later, she called me wanting to know my reasons (for closure), and I said that, based on her actions, I felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore. She said “fine” and I haven’t heard from her since.

In retrospect, I think I could’ve handled things a bit better. After she texted me with the “is this a we need to talk” text, I should’ve said yes, then just waited for her to call. I think feeding her the gradual truth through text was the cowards way out. I wasn’t looking forward to the breakup call, but I think I should’ve just sacked up and done it, rather than the terse, text message way I handled it.

Ah well… there’s plenty more breakups to come, and I’m sure eventually I’ll get better at handling it.

Anyhoo, I was a bit bummed yesteday – mostly because when J3 called, I could tell she was upset, and it’s no fun making other people sad. Regardless, I’ve got to prioritize my happiness over anyone else’s, and so I’ll move forward and try to learn a lesson for the next time.

I’m less bummed today – it’s fun having someone to text and looking forward to seeing them again and cuddling and sex is great. But ultimately, I don’t think we were going to last anyway. I was thinking about breaking up with her a couple weeks ago, and so now it’s done and I can move forward.

So now I’m single again… and I do like the thought of being alone. I very much like the idea of locking myself in my room and working on my thesis until it’s finished. Except that I’ve been pretty lazy today when it comes to math. Of course, today I teach my class in the evening, which is somewhat exhausting, so I think that probably plays a role in my laziness.

Anyhoo, now that I’m single again, I have the opportunity to develop patience. As I’ve stated many times, I would like to make a deep, emotional connection with a special girl. However, these things don’t happen overnight – so instead I will focus on becoming the best “me” I can be. If this means I go without a date for a couple weeks, or I have to face rejection by hitting on women, then so be it. But for now, I think I’ll take a little break from all that to get over J3.

Or will I? One thing I know is that, unless I’m working on my goals, I’ll quickly become bored and/or frustrated. Taking a day off to watch tv or play video games all day doesn’t hold that same appeal that it once did. I do like relaxing in the evening by watching TV and playing Hearthstone – but doing that all day? Man, what a waste of a day?

I think my current problem is finishing my thesis. I’ve got basically everything written down and now I’ve got to go through the manuscript and edit it. This is sort of boring – it’s actually really boring to write a paper. The fun part of math is the research – discovering a wild new theorem, or proving something brand new. That’s fun! Writing down what you did in intricate detail, doing a literature review, crossing the i’s and dotting the t’s [sic] – that’s tedious. And that’s where I am now in my thesis.

However, I know that I’ve got to get it done. So I think I will have to set a daily goal along the lines of “edit 4 pages a day” or something like that, so I can be done in a month. Actually, that’s not a bad idea – currently, for my notes, I’ve got a daily goal of “3 pages of notes a day” – which is doable. So if I add onto that 4 pages of editing, that means that my daily math has a limit. Which is good, because working with no set target in mind is a great way to burn out.

Boom! There we go – thank heavens for this blog. It’s a lot easier for me to figure out solutions to my problems if I just start typing. Generally, I’ll start these posts with no idea where I’ll end up. But they do help me sort through my issues and help me discover how to better attack my goals. So that’s all good good good!

If you’re reading these posts, I hope they’re helping you too. In some small way. At the very least, I hope they inspire you to create some goals for yourself and take action. If nothing else, you can enjoy all my dating failures along the way to my inevitable successes.

May 14, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about the magic drink

Whoo – it smells like farts in here.

So I’ve got a cold – which is a bummer. Not so much a runny nose, but sore throat – and kind of a lump in my throat. Swallowing is difficult. But never fear, because I’ve got the ultimate cure for a sore throat and it’s called a magic drink. Ready for the recipe?

  • One tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
  • One tablespoon of honey

Mix the ingredients in hot water and drink it. The honey soothes the throat, and apple cider vinegar is medicine for white people. Whenever I get sick, I spend a majority of my day drinking magic drinks. Honestly, I get better so much faster, it’s amazing.

Anyhoo – tonight’s my first calculus class. I’ve got some notes ready and we’ll see how it goes. It’s calculus for Engineers – so I’m assuming most of the students are good at math. Because Engineers need to be good at math. I’m a bit concerned that my first lecture will be a bit easy – but better to start off easy than hard, that’s what I say. The first week is a basic review anyway – so we’ll go over sets, the structure of numbers, the laws of algebra, and then onto functions. There’s about 40 kids in the class, so this is my first real big class. I’m excited, because I get to be the whole show – it should be fun.

But in the meantime, Tuesdays (and I’m assuming Thursday’s as well) are a bit hectic. I’ll get up around 9, do goals until about 10 – then do math until 2:00, then piano, reading and writing and it’s time to go to class. Which means that if I’m going to exercise, I’ll have to do it late at night. Which is both good and bad – it’s good, because that’s a great way to fall asleep. But bad, because I want to do nothing but veg out once I get home from school. I think, because I’ve got a cold, I’ll be skipping the exercise today. I imagine, in the future, I’ll do the opposite – do some exercise as soon as I get up, then piano and the rest of it, so that hopefully I’m done everything by about 2:00pm, and then I can do math for the rest of the day until it’s time for class.

The funny thing is, I feel really bad about skipping a workout. I’ve tried to instill the habit of daily exercise, and for the most part I have – so when I have to skip a scheduled workout, I feel terribly guilty. I suppose I shouldn’t, because I’m sick – but I do. I guess this goes back to the idea that I need to be content with what I can accomplish during the day – and have patience, because I don’t get fit overnight. After all, exercise is a thing I plan on doing for the rest of my life – so one day off wont kill me. Although, I may do some cardio when I get home, we’ll see…

In the meantime – I’ve been binge-watching House MD. Oh man, I forgot how much I love House’s snarkiness – makes me want to be all snarky myself. Really, it’s a detective show – the whole thing is a modern takeoff on Sherlock Holmes – and boy oh boy do I love detective shows. In another life, I think I would’ve made an awesome police detective – there’s nothing better than figuring things out. Of course, I’m a mathematician, so I suppose that follows.

Although, I will say this about House – for all his brilliance, he doesn’t handle rejection very well. This is what I’ve gleamed from the first season – maybe later on he gets a bit more emotionally mature – but when it comes to any sort of relationship, it’s like he’s a 13-year old needy teenager. I think later on in the series these types of things will become more nuanced, but as it happens, it’s pretty clumsy the way the show handles House and his relationships.

Anyhoo – summer has arrived. It’s about 20 degrees out, the sun is shining, and I’ve had my windows open for the past week. Bring on the nice weather man! A nice, lazy summer awaits!

May 5, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A 4/20 ramble about goals, and I’m not even stoned

Welp, the Sens are down 3-0 in their series against Montreal. It’s not looking good for them – next game is Wednesday, so we’ll see how that goes.

Anyhoo – what’s going on? Today’s 4/20 and I’m not even high yet! What kind of travesty is that! It will be officially 4:20pm in 7 minutes – oh well, I’ll get stoned later.

Had a date with J3 on Saturday. Took her out to dinner then went back to her place. It was good. I’m still not overinvesting my feelings or putting her in the girlfriend role – just taking my sweet time, and so far, my anxiety is a lot less than it was. So that’s good.

On the other hand, I had a date setup for Sunday – but I was so tired from staying up late with J3 that I cancelled on her. That’s probably not a great decision – I should be keeping my options open and dating other women. But I seem to be matching with girls on Tinder on a regular basis, so I’m not terribly concerned.

One thing I am getting better at is developing patience. I realize that it will take a long time to achieve my goals, so I will focus on getting the most out of every day, and working hard until I finish my goals.

The one thing I am getting frustrated with is my thesis. Near the end of my thesis there’s a long section on a thing called “number of solutions” – which is an application of my work. But it’s super messy, and not at all elegant like my principal theory. I think I will basically get everything done in my thesis except for the “number of solutions” part, and then do that last. It’s probably the most tricky.

The rest of the thesis is looking good. I’m at 116 pages or so. I’d say I’ve got a majority of the information down, now it’s just a matter of editing and making sure I’ve got enough references. I will still try my damnedest to get a rough copy done by May 1st – especially since I’ll have to start writing notes for my summer class, which will take a fair amount of time.

What else? Haven’t watched the new episode of GoT yet – that’ll be tonight. I have been watching Daredevil – the Netflix version, and it’s pretty good. It’s gritty and realistic, so I like it – despite the (alleged) comedic persona of Foggy. Also, the actor who plays Daredevil is Irish, and that accent slips through from time to time. But aside from that, it’s pretty good. I mean, hey, it’s television – something to do at the end of the day when all my goals are done.

Because, lemme tell ya, after my workout today, I’m feeling like I need some vegging out time. I switched up my routine so that I do heavy lifts (squats or deadlifts) on MWF and medium lifts (bench, bo rows, seated press) on Tu/Th. I like the idea of lifting 5 days a week, but it can be tiring. My schedule right now is to get up – take my time waking up, do my goals, drink coffee, then do my workout. Once that’s done, I get started on my math for the day. Then do my fun stuff afterwards (piano, writing, reading), then I’ve got the rest of the day to myself.

But I’m thinking I should do a little math before my workout – something like, half the math that I need to do that day. Because math is my primary struggle during the day (as writing a thesis is very tedious), so I feel I need to break it up into manageable chunks. Further, if I have a killer workout and I’m useless for the rest of the day, then at least I’ve done something.

As always, though, I’m trying to develop self-discipline. So instead, I think I should be more focused on getting my goals done for the day rather than figuring out easier ways to do it. Well, I ‘unno… there’s no law that says I can’t work smarter, not harder. We’ll see…

Anyhoo, that’s 15. Have a cannabis-a-riffic 4/20!

April 20, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about last night’s date and my monthly goals

Last night’s date was pretty successful. We met up, went to a comedy club for amateur hour, then went back to her place. All in all, a good night. Tired today, but worth it.

I think my anxiety is better with J3 than with J2, because I’m not trying to lump J3 into the girlfriend category right away. I’m just focusing on playing it cool and enjoying the time I have when we’re together. In the meantime, I’m more focused on my own goals than what she’s up to, which is the way it should be. Plus, I’ve internalized the idea that I’m the prize to be won – so if for some reason, she up and decides she doesn’t want to see me any more, then it truly is her loss. But of course, judging by the way things ended last night, I doubt she’ll be doing that anytime soon.

However, I am super-tired again today. I got home late – then I had to get up when my alarm went off (gotta take my pills at 8:00am every morning). Luckily, I had a nap – but man, I think that’s going to be it for weeknight dates. Getting up early is such a big hassle for me that it throws my whole day off. There’s no mercy on the horizon, as I have to get up super-early tomorrow as well to run another errand. Guh. I’ve got a thing on Saturday, but after that, I plan on taking the whole week to myself. I would really like a solid week of getting up, working out, working on my thesis, doing my piano, writing and reading and then going to bed early. Like I said, I’m more focused on my goals than anything else at the moment.

And how am I doing with my goals? Math goals are tough to accomplish when I’m this tired – I’m still pretty confident my thesis will be ready to go by the end of the month, but it’s been slackadaisacal yesterday and today. Workout goals are going alright – I’ve only got in two workouts this week – probably get in 4 by Saturday – but I’m dieting well, and I think that’s ultimately more important for weight loss. If I can get in a minimum of 4 workouts a week, I think that’ll be ok for now. As long as I stick to my diet, I’ll hit my bodyfat %-age target by the end of the month. (I weighed in at 14.9% bodyfat the other day, so it’s all about sticking to the diet, and doing an occasional workout.)

What else – I haven’t had any new dates – things seemed to have slowed down on Tinder. I suppose if I fail that goal, I will have to start approaching women on the street. It’s a much better way to get dates, as the onus is all on me – but it’s nerve wracking, as I haven’t dealt very well with rejection so far. I suppose that’s just one skill I will need to learn – but we’ll see how things go by the end of the month.

Saving money – I haven’t been paid yet, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem. I regularly save 10% of my paycheques, and I live pretty darn frugally to begin with, so I doubt that’ll be an issue. Finally, I’m 25% of the way towards achieving my fame goal – went to amateur night last night, and I’ll go again next week. I think by the end of this month, I’ll be encouraged to start trying out my own material on stage. Some of the comics last night were pretty terrible – so it assuages some of my fears about me getting up there. But we shall see…

Anyhoo, I plan on seeing J3 again – not only for the sex, but she’s also really fun to hang out with. Not to mention, going out with someone will help me deal with my anxiety, simply by confronting it head on. Plus, she’s a very pretty redhead…and I’m a sucker for redheads.

April 9, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about monthly goals, getting stuff done right away

I drove by her house today… sigh.

Meh – I was running an errand and passed by J2’s house on my way home. Had a twinge of regret, etc… but it went away pretty quick when I focused on my goals. I’m feeling much better and that I’ve moved on and stuff… but every so often now I’ll still feel regret about how things went down. But nevertheless, I’m moving forward, dealing with my issues, and working on my goals. Time will heal all wounds – and as long as I stick to my plan, I’ll eventually make that deep, emotional connection with someone that I desire.

But until then… let’s keep working on my goals.

And so how are we doing today? Today is a rushed day, because I TA a class tonight, so I’m on campus from about 5:00 to 8:00. But then I’ve got an 8:30 class to TA tomorrow, so I have to go right to bed when I get home. Sorta a bummer. But it’s the last evening class until I teach in May – more importantly, it’s the last 8:30 class tomorrow – and then it’s Tues/Thurs evenings from May until August.

I’m looking forward to teaching my class this summer. It’s a 1st year calculus course for Engineers – so I’m pretty stoked about that. The fact that they’re engineers means I can be a real hardass about the math, which is the way I like it. But that’s the way it should be – I don’t want bridges being built by people who can’t do basic calculus.

What else? Well, I’ve figured out my goals for the month of April, and they are as follows:

  • Health: Have 15.5% bodyfat by April 30th
  • Love: To have gone on 5 dates by April 30th
  • Math: To have 100 pages of the thesis done by April 30th
  • Fortune: To have saved $250 by April 30th
  • Fame: To have gone to amateur night at Yuk Yuk’s 4 times.

I think all those are pretty reasonable goals. The ones I’m most focused on are Health and Math. Health, because I would really like to get better diet habits. My workout habits are generally pretty strong – I get in between 3-5 workouts a week. In fact, for the month of March, I got in 18 workouts – that’s almost 60%, so 3 out of every 5 days. Pretty good. But I’d be doing a lot better if I could get my diet straightened out. I’ve lost a little weight and fat since the beginning of the year, but now I want to step it up.

And the thesis – well, I want to get that done as soon as possible, because I would very much like to be called Dr. Sarcasticus, and then I could get a professorship or post-doc somewhere. Not to mention I wouldn’t have to TA any more classes. (I’d be teaching them, but whatevs…) The key for the thesis is short, daily, steady progress. So I reckon that if I can write 4 pages a day, I’ll be well in line to be done by the end of the month. Better still, once I’ve written my 4 pages for the day, I can relax.

Because the thing about a thesis (or any paper, really) is that it’s a chore. All the exciting research has been done, and now it’s about writing it up in explicit, technical detail. This is a drag. So what I’m excited to do, is to get up every morning and get it done.

That’s the thing about goals – if you’ve got a goal to achieve, you’re going to have to do the work. Often, the work will be tedious, or not as fun as other things you could be doing. That’s why I like doing it first – get it done! Get it out of the way immediately! Then the rest of the day is mine.

That’s one reason why I like exercising in the morning. Although I feel great after every workout, it’s still tough work. So if I can get up and get my workout out of the way immediately, I feel a lot better about myself, and I’ll carry those good feelings with me for the rest of the day.

Anyhoo, that’s a tight 15. Speaking of workouts, I’m off to do mine! Happy April schmools!!

April 1, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Waving a magic wand: my ultimate goals for the 5 pillars

Well, a bit of a bummer as my afternoon date cancelled on me. But I did manage to find a hook-up for tonight, so that’s a plus. One thing that I tend to forget is that dating is a process – a marathon, not a sprint. When my anxiety gets the better of me, I forget about that, and tend to go overboard with my texting and tinder. Consequently, I come off as needy and desperate. I’ll do much better once I learn to channel my sexual energy into my goals on a consistent basis.

Speaking of goals, I mentioned yesterday how I’d outline my goals and plans for my mini-goals. I think I’ll do that now. I’ve got the 5 pillars: Health, Love, Math, Fortune and Fame.

When it comes to goals, I must be purely selfish. I have to pick goals that *I* want to achieve, and not goals that other people want me to achieve. This is relatively easy for me to do, since I’ve had practice – but if you’re young and trying to live up to your parents ideals, then that’ll result in an unhappy life. I think the mindset should be, “Even if no one else knew I had achieved these goals, what goals would I want to achieve?” That is, what are the goals I want to achieve, no matter what anyone else might say.

The other thing about setting goals, is that you don’t worry about the “How to.” Just yet. I think too many people have a goal, but then immediately shout it down in their own mind. i.e., Someone will say, “I wish I owned the Dallas Cowboys.” but then immediately after thinking of that goal, they’ll say, “Ah, that’ll never happen.” Or something negative like that.

So what I’m going to do is called the “magic wand” technique. I’m going to pretend I have a magic wand, and when I wave it, whatever I want to come true will happen. In this fashion, I won’t get bogged down with the “how to’s” of attaining my goals. I’ll just lay out what I want in life. Later on I’ll figure out how to get it.

So, Health. If I could wave a magic wand and achieve my ideal Health goals, what would that look like?

Well, for starters, I had a kidney transplant when I was a kid, and that’s a major challenge in my life. So the first thing I would wish for would be my own genetic kidney. After that, I would want to be in peak physical condition, I would want clear and healthy skin, shiny white teeth with fresh, minty breath, I want to be able to fall asleep 5 minutes after I go to bed, and I want to wake up everyday with a positive attitude and bursting with energy.

Now, this is a good start – when it comes time to writing down my mini-goals, I would need to get more specific. But this gives me a good idea of what I want my perfect Health life to look like.

Next up, if I could wave a magic wand, what would my perfect Love life look like?

Well, I would definitely want to have a deep, emotional and physical connection with a young, beautiful, virgin girl, who’s dedicated to old fashioned values, motherhood and starting a family.

Funny, I didn’t know where that would end up as I was typing – I’m sort of shocked that I would want a woman who wanted to start a family. For a long time, I was convinced I would just be single for the rest of my life and that would be that. But, as I’ve learned, after ignoring my needs for so long, and dealing with these issues, I’m starting to learn what I truly want in life. And I think I can honestly say that, yes, I would like to be married and start a family.

Well, I ‘unno. It’s shocking for me to write that. Maybe it’s just because I’m in such a good mood today. Who knows? But, for now, that’ll be my ultimate Love goal.

Next up, Math. Easy peasy. I want to solve the twin prime conjecture and the Riemann hypothesis. I want to write the standard, undergraduate texts for algebra and calculus, and I want to be remembered as one of the greatest mathematicians of the 21st century.

The math goals will be tough. But luckily, I am developing good math habits so that everyday, I do a little bit more Math. In 30 years or so, I might be able to accomplish these.

Penultimately, Wealth. I want to own a 100 acre plot of arable land on which I can build my dream house. I want to have over $10,000,000 in the bank and earn over $100,000 a month by being my own boss and working from home.

Finally, Fame. I would love to be famous for being smart and funny. I think I could be a musician – I think I could earn a living doing stand-up comedy, and I would like to be world renowned as an intellectual and author. My fame goals are what I want to work on in my spare time.

So that’s a rough outline of my ultimate goals in each pillar. That’s the funnest part of goals, thinking about what you want. Now comes the tough part – writing out more specific goals, and then creating mini-goals that I must accomplish in order to achieve my ultimate goal. The final step is writing out a plan for the first mini-goal. And then that’s what I’ll do in the upcoming blog posts.

But that’s been about 15 minutes. Have an awesome Saturday!

March 21, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about other goals for a change.

Well, I’m a bit sleepy today, so this might be even more of a disjointed ramble than usual.

Anyhoo – how am I doing? I mean, I’m ok. I’m trying to focus on finding the answers within. But it’s tough. I have an emotional need I’ve ignored for so long, it does feel a little like I’m desperately trying to fill it. Instead, I will try and focus on me and what I have to do to get where I need to be.

So, where do I want to go? What other goals do I want to accomplish?

For starters, I want to be in peak physical condition. So far this year I’ve been really good about my workouts. Right now I’m trying to focus on working on Monday through Friday. So far so good. I do my lifts MWF and cardio T/Th. Cardio days are pretty boring – especially since I have knee issues, so I can’t do HIIT on the treadmill at home. Instead, I just do steady state stuff to shed some calories, and then work core for 10-15 minutes. The problem with trying to attain peak fitness is that I could always be doing something more. I’m thinking of switching up my lifting routine to burn more calories. Currently, on lifting days, I do 10 sets of lifts. Instead, I think I’m going to switch to lifting Monday – Friday, doing less lifts, and more cardio at the end. Meh, we’ll see. My diet is currently staying under a 2000 calorie ceiling. It’s done me well so far this year, but I think that if I want to get abs, I’ll need to fine tune my diet a little more.

The main thing, for physical fitness, is to be consistent. If I stick to a 2000 calorie ceiling, and workout everyday, then over time I will lose weight, get stronger and feel great. Again, I need to develop patience and live in the moment. Focus on getting in a good workout and a good diet day, everyday. Then in 3-6 months, take a look at where I am.

That’s one major goal. The other major goal I’m working on is getting my PhD thesis written. I’m currently doing my PhD in math, and all I have left to do is write my thesis. Recently, I proved a problem I needed for my thesis, so all I have left to do in terms of research is prove another little thing. But if I don’t prove that, I’ll still have quite a lot of material for my thesis. I’ve haphazardly written up some stuff, and my goal is to get it all written up in rough by May 1st. Then by June 1st, I should have the thing written in good, and I can defend my thesis by the end of the summer. Then I’ll insist that everyone call me doctor!

What else? Well, there’s the dating goal – which is to meet someone special with whom I can make a deep, long-lasting, emotional and physical connection. However, paradoxically, I can’t attain this goal by focusing on this goal. As I (sorta) discussed yesterday, to get the kind of girl I want, I need to be the type of man to attract such a girl. That means being an emotional rock, being a leader, and being the best man I can be. I’d say I’m well on my way. I’m ambitious, I’m goal oriented, I know my issues and I’m working through them. So if I’m to achieve my dating goal, I need to really focus on myself. Sure, I’ll go on dates and practice being non-needy and fun to be around. But the important thing to achieve this goal is to keep improving myself. Luckily, I’m committed to self-improvement and goals, so the only thing needed to attain this goal is time. Again, always – I need to develop patience.

What else? I have some fortune goals – but they will follow once I’m done my PhD and can focus on my career.

I have some fame goals – and I’m steadily working at them. I’m practicing my piano everyday – in a couple years, I’ll be really good. Like, ready to join a band (or be a singer/songwriter-type) good. I write everyday – I would eventually like to write a novel. Once I’m done with the PhD, I anticipate a lot more free time on my hands. In addition, I would like to try my hand at stand-up comedy. Currently, one of my fears is that I’ll get on stage, see my slutty ex, and have a meltdown and puke on stage. Ultimately, I will have to confront these fears. And that means writing down some funny thoughts, and getting up there on amateur night for 5 minutes and giving it a shot. I was a pretty damn good MC for my buddy and brother’s wedding, so I’m confident I can make others laugh. But that nagging fear remains.

Ultimately, if I’m to grow as a person, I will have to confront my fear. I know I will, and I will be a stronger person when I do. But in the meantime, I’ve got this rather massive thesis to write. Call me doctor… soon!

March 12, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about my math writing and my weekend

Man o man. I think I gotta stop getting up at 5:00am. Sure, I get lots of stuff done during the day, but man am I ever tired by midday. I’m thinking after I do my 15 minutes of writing here, I’m gonna get my LP’s outta the way, then do my workout, then settle back to read my books. I’m predicting an almost instantaneous nap once I start reading my non-fiction book.

The way I like to do things, is read my non-fiction book first, and then move onto my fiction book. But as I keep falling asleep during the non-fiction book, I figure I’ll shorten my reading time from 60 minutes to 30 minutes, so that I can pay attention for 15 minutes for each book. Although I do still sorta feel like even with that, I will be taking a nap.

Which is terrible if you want to catch up on sleep. It’d be much better if I could just stay up and not nap and then go to bed early. I think that’s what I’ll try and do – so that instead of reading lying on my bed I will read sitting up at my desk. Pretty tough to nap when I’m not lying down on my cozy, cozy bed.

Anyhoo, in more “me”-related news, I submitted my first article back to the publishers on Friday. The referee said my article was very well written, and the only necessary change is to alphabetize the index. Pretty darn good for a first publication, I’d say. It’s understood that if the referee doesn’t suggest many changes, then my article was pretty awesome to begin with. Happy about that.

Furthermore, I also sent my prof the latest draft of my second publication, which I’ve been working on since mid-December. This second paper is a monster. It’s currently 45 pages, although I imagine that’ll be trimmed down somewhat. The article is just one small part of what will be my PhD thesis. With that rough draft outta the way (for now), I can turn my attention to my thesis. I’ve barely started, so that’s gonna occupy a hell of a lot of time from now until the early Summer. Luckily, reading week is next week, and so I will basically try to burn through it that whole week. Doing nothing but writing math each day.

Well, it’s tough to write math all day. I started this morning at 6:00 and worked steadily to just before noon. Lemme tell ya, that’s tiresome. It’s tough to think about math for that long. I’m sorta getting my second wind now, but I was exhausted by the time I e-mailed it in.

Not to mention that, I booked today for a wake and bake sesh. So I’m pleasantly stoned and will be for the rest of the day. Don’t have to go anywhere or see anybody. Just relaxing and doing my work. Awesome.

In other tv and stuff related news – I didn’t get to watch much tv or play video games this weekend. I spent Friday and Saturday nights with a girl I like. It’s been awhile since I’ve liked any girl enough to spend two days in a row with her, so I’m pleasantly surprised at how things are going. With the complexity of modern relationships, I’m not looking to throw myself back into LTR land (although that would be my tendency.) Instead, I’m going to try and just enjoy things and not think too much ahead.

I think it’s because I’m so goal-oriented, that if I spend time with someone, I want to project how my life would look going forward with them in it. Of course, we’ve only been out a few times, so to look that far ahead is definitely premature. But it’s fun to meet someone who’s company I really enjoy.

Anyhoo, there’s your Monday morning coffee-soaked ramble-damble. Hearts and puppy dogs.

February 9, 2015 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A ramble about video games and juuuust a bit of GoT

It’s a rainy Tuesday. One would expect the weather to be a bit colder, but it’s stupid humid and hot out. An unpleasant day. Added to the fact that I don’t know what I’m going to write about. Oh well, let’s just throw some words down and see what happens.

(How does a man with two broken arms push against a door?)

But first…

A related pic from yesterday that I couldn’t find a place for.



This is the smoldering look Cersei reserves for her brother. I’m grossed out and aroused.

This book 4 is going slowly. George R. R. Martin likes to harp on and on about stuff. For example, this previous chapter I just read was all about Sansa, and how she has to lie for Petyr to cover up for Lysa’s death. This scene was dealt with in the show in a rather straight forward manner – but the book has so much more nuance.

Not to mention political implications. Petyr signs over Lord of the Moon Doors to… some guy with a name I’ll have to look up. But Petyr’s politicking is infinitely more interesting than Sansa convincing herself that a lie told in kindness is ok. (Whatever gets you through the day, sweetling.)

Anyhoo – enough Game of Thrones for now. Actually, more on Game of Thrones…

I had a great deal of fun throwing up a snarky synopsis for a couple of the episodes earlier this season. I figure a fun and ambitious project would be to watch each and every episode of GoT again – but this time, doing a snarky synopsis for each episode. This will be a good way to reintroduce me to which characters are which – I’ve forgotten who most of these people are, aside from all the Stark kids and Lannister folk. There’s just too many names that sound the same.

So that’s my plan for GoT for the summer. I figure it will tide me over until the start of Season 5 – and it might just happen that little things in earlier episodes that I missed come up again in later episodes. That’ll be cool if that happens – similar to Arrested Development and all it’s self-referential meta-ness.

But GoT is over for the summer – and I really need a new series I can sink my teeth into. Utopia was good (really good, in fact) but Season 2 comes out god know’s when, and it’s a British show, so it’ll only be 5 episodes and a Christmas special. One thing about those Brits, they sure know how to make a good show for a short time.

What else is going on? Ooh – the Steam Summer Sale is going on as I type this. I picked up Skyrim for $5 the other day and thats it so far. I sort of feel silly buying Dishonored for $20 a month ago, when I could’ve had it for $5 today. Oh well, there’s always more money where that came from.

Recently I’ve been playing a lot of Kerbal Space Program. That game is awesome (when it’s not crashing.) If you haven’t played KSP – you should. Basically, you’re given a bunch of parts, and you have to put together a rocket and go into space. The game is still in early release – and has been for quite some time now – and will probably take another couple years before it’s in a stable condition.

This is frustrating – because the game keeps adding new and cool stuff. But this stuff they introduce causes new bugs – and currently I’m suffering from “Change of Scene” bug – which means I can only play about 1 mission before the game crashes. This is hugely frustrating – as I want to zip back and forth between scenes. (i.e., from the rocket launch to the space center, etc…)

One workaround is to set all the graphics settings to the lowest possible. This is an outrage! I own the mighty Black Beauty – an intel 4770k with 16gb of Ram and a 2GB graphics card – it will be a couple years before I’m forced to set the graphics on any game anything less than “ultra super premium.” Thus, I can play KSP – but it looks pretty terrible, and I don’t get cool graphics effects – like my capsule burning up on reentry, or various shadows and textures, etc…

Regardless, even with all the graphics set to “potato”, the game is still fun as hell. Currently, I’m trying to get a man onto the moon. (Or mun, as it’s known in the world of KSP.) This is harder than it looks! I’ve managed to send an unmanned lander onto my nearest moon – but it only juuuuust made it there, and has no fuel to get it back. I’ve got to come up with some wacky redesign so I can get my kerbal there and back safe and sound.

NB: KSP takes place on a planet called Kerbin, inhabited by kerbals. Little green men who love sitting in rockets and getting blown up.

I don’t know if I mentioned this in one of my many rambles, but I recently picked up an Xbox controller for the PC. Man does this make games fun to play! I started playing Batman: Arkham Asylum again. I had played it before – but the controls on the keyboard were too frustrating. But as soon as I moved to a handheld controller, the game became much more user friendly.

I have various games waiting in my Steam list which need to be played: Dark Souls, Arkham Asylum, Skyrim, Deus Ex: HR,  Tomb Raider, The Witcher, The Witcher 2, etc… I would very much like to play these in a “Let’s Play” format – that is, record myself playing the game with my commentary. I think it’s fun to discover a game for the first time – and I’d like all my Let’s Plays to reflect that.

This whole “Let’s Play” thing is just a hobby at the moment – but since I can post my creations on Youtube, there does exist the possibility of me making money of my videos. I don’t see myself making $4,000,000 a year like PewDiePie – but if I could pull in a couple hundred a month just by making video game LP’s, then I sure wouldn’t be averse to that.

The dream, of course, would be to find my voice as an LP’er – then subsequently find my audience and make a 6-figure living doing that. Ooooh man, I think that’d be pretty close to the dream. Get paid to play video games – I’m sure that was what I wanted to be when I grew up when I was about 11. Then I’d be closer to achieving my ultimate goal of being a crazy hermit that lives far away from everyone in the woods… but with a Gigabit internet connection.

Anyhoo… getting close to 30 minutes now. Dunno what else to write about? Hmm…

Well, I can write about goals, I ‘spose. I’m almost done all my goals for the day – only a Guacamelee LP to do after this. Then I’ll look towards upgrading my version of Windows to 64 bit – that’s supposed to be one of the fixes for KSP Scene Switch bug. Then what?

I’m currently working on understanding the prime gaps problem and prime k-tuples conjecture problem. This means I have to first learn about the Bombieri-Vinogradov theorem, then use that to understand the GPY sieve. Lemme tell ya, if you think you’ve got a good handle on your sanity, then I’d like to introduce you to math: the craziest thing the world has ever seen.

Did you know there’s different kinds of infinity? Yeah – messed up.

June 24, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment